


Prepare To Use Force If Necessary

by dartmouth420



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Abusive Parent, Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Angst, Anxiety, Coming of Age, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff?, Fame, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian AU, See chapter notes for detailed warnings, Sexual Assault, Skype Sex, and it's associated complications, cis woman au, gratuitous lesbian music references, specifically tegan and sara, teenage character, their dynamic is not sexual/romantic, this fic is not OSHA compliant, this is not Rajila
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dartmouth420/pseuds/dartmouth420
Summary: Manila's career as a teen pop star is taking off, and with her upcoming tour of Europe she can't afford to make any mistakes. Enter Raja, the cynical personal security agent who's been hired to protect her.But between crazy fans, Manila's controlling mother and Raja's increasing concerns about workplace safety, nothing is going to be easy.
Relationships: Sutan Amrull | Raja & Manila Luzon, Sutan Amrull | Raja/David Petruschin | Raven
Comments: 86
Kudos: 84
Collections: reading





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> anyway my region declared a state of emergency the other day so get hype because i'm at home smoking weed and writing this Bodyguard AU lmao. tags will be updated as I go.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

It wasn't like the woman seemed _that_ crazy, thought Manila, afterwards.

But then again, barging in backstage at Manila's latest show in L.A. brandishing a lighter, saying she'd set things on fire if she didn't get a lock of Manila's hair probably indicated something else. Luckily Manila's manager, Alex, was there and he called security. 

Between Alex and Manila's mom, it was decided that a security detail would be hired for her upcoming tour. Her most recent single had done really well and continued to move up the charts. Her Instagram following exploded and she was happy and grateful, she really was. People started recognizing her on the street, she was becoming _famous._ Manila didn't really know what to do with the attention, and her short, strict fifteen years of life hadn't offered much preparation. But she tried to act professional and not upset anyone. Recording music was fun, she enjoyed it more than dancing, and a lot more than the pageants her mom used to make her compete in. Manila loved pop music; the rhythms, the simplicity, the innocence.

Manila found herself in Alex's office. She sat patiently at his desk while he walked around, discussing the possibilities of hiring a bodyguard. Her mom, Julia, was outside taking a phone call. Julia was yelling, which possibly meant it was Manila's dad on the phone. Or maybe somebody else. Manila sighed.

Another headshot stapled to a resume was tossed on the table in front of her. Manila frowned and took it, expecting another beefy dude. But instead the face that stared back from the photo was a woman in her late thirties or early forties. Her salt and pepper hair was pulled back, her skin was light brown and her face held a serious expression.

"This one was in the military for seven years, Iraq veteran. Then there's a gap in her resume, but it's followed by teaching self-defence and martial arts classes. She's a black belt in, I don't know, kung fu or something," said her manager, Alex, walking back and forth at the end of the desk, "It looks like she goes between that and doing private security. She was in the democrat candidate's detail in the last election, and worked for Lady Gaga on her world tour. Great references, and all her qualifications are up to date."

Manila gazed at the picture. She had a good feeling about the woman in front of her, especially compared to all the other men she'd been looking at. The woman looked tough and mysterious, but she had kind eyes. 

"I think that other guy, Seth, would be a better choice-" said Alex, flipping through the headshots. His jelled hair remained in place as he leaned over.

"No," said Manila, indicating the picture in her hand, "What about her? What's her name?"

"Raja Gemini," he said, frowning, "Sounds foreign. I don't know about hiring a woman-"

"I'm sure it's fine," said Manila. She'd prefer a woman to man, especially if this person was going to be around her all the time, "Like she's gonna have to be with me in the dressing room and stuff. We wouldn't want people to talk, right?" That was one of her mom's rules, _never give people any reason to talk._

"Well okay, we'll get her in here for an interview and I'll talk to your mom about it."

Manila sighed. Everything had to go through her mom, and their relationship had become strained lately. They'd both been working extremely hard to release music and prepare for the upcoming tour. Manila's tour would be hitting a bunch of locations in the US and then heading to Europe, where her mom wasn't coming along, instead staying behind to negotiate an album contract with a major record label. Manila was looking forward to it. She'd get some time to travel, perform, hang out with her new musicians and backup dancers and get to know them all a bit better.

-

"How'd the interview go?"

Raja Gemini shrugged, and sat down across from her girlfriend at their kitchen table.

"It went well, it's a security job for some teen pop star who's getting big. They think she's a kidnapping risk, apparently."

"Glorified babysitting, then. How's the pay?" asked her girlfriend, Raven, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow. 

"Good," replied Raja, grinning, "Real good. The only problem is she's touring, so I'll have to be away."

"Oh no, really?"

"Yeah, all over the country, then Europe," replied Raja, taking a sip of wine.

"Damn. Well, the opportunity to travel is always good."

"Yeah. I think it'll be similar to working for Gaga."

"For sure," said Raven, taking Raja's hand and rubbing her thumb over the smooth skin and lines of tattoos, "When would you start?"

"They said they'd let me know about a second interview by Friday, and if they choose me it'll start in two weeks."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, it'll be good to have the contract."

"Well," said Raven, a smile playing on her lips, "We should take advantage of the time we have before you go."

"Oh, certainly," replied Raja, leaning towards her.

"Anything special you'd like do?"

"Ideally? You. A lot."

-

Manila requested she attend the second round of interviews, since this person was going to be her bodyguard, after all. Alex didn't seen a problem and her mom was busy arguing with the woman they hired to design her wardrobe for the tour. Manila dressed her most professionally. 

The first guy came in, a huge beefy white dude with a shaved head. Seth something. They shook hands and Alex asked him a series of questions. The man answered them, outlining his experience and largely ignoring Manila. It lasted a while, and Manila learned a lot more about what having a bodyguard would be about. He seemed fine. He left.

The next guy was named José Vasquez, a man with short-cropped black hair and an easy smile. Manila liked him better, he was charming and precise. He directed his answers to both Manila and Alex, which Manila appreciated. Jose had experience doing security for musicians before. Alex did most of the talking through the same interview questions, and then said he'd be in touch. Jose left.

Then the third candidate was called in. Raja Gemini. She opened the door and walked in confidently, and Manila found herself drawing in a breath. She was tall and striking. Her long grey-black hair was loose, flowing around her shoulders.

She greeted them both. Her voice was deeper than Manila had expected. Raja shook Alex's hand first, and then Manila rose and they shook hands across the table, Raja acknowledged her with a moment of eye contact. Her handshake was firm. Manila sat back down, and smiled politely. 

"Alright, Ms. Gemini, we're having Manila sit in on the second round of interviews-" said Alex and Manila tuned out the rest, having heard it before. She watched Raja's face carefully. The older woman seemed at ease, answering with confidence and precision. She wore a professional, masculine button-up and blazer. Unlike the first guy, she wasn't huge but she had a strong presence and a subtle sense of power to her, like a coiled spring. Alex seemed impressed, which was good. Manila really wanted him to hire her, but knew the decision was out of her hands. Most decisions were out of her hands.

"Great, thank you," said Alex, and stood and Raja shook his hand again, "We'll be in touch."

Manila stood as well, folding her hands in front of her and gave Raja a charming smile, "Thank you for coming!"

Raja replied politely, "Nice to meet you, Manila."

-

In a whirlwind two weeks it was time for her tour. They'd be starting in the Northeast, flying between cities and taking buses for the shorter distances. Manila was desperately excited, she'd only ever done a few small shows before, and never anything outside of L.A. Suddenly Raja and José were with her wherever she went, working in shifts with the occasional overlap. They were mostly silent, invisible presences, but Manila felt safer with them around. It was intense.

Manila tried to make friends with the backup dancers, Courtney, Roxy and Monique but they weren't very friendly. Well, it wasn't that they weren't friendly, it was that they were all in their mid-twenties, and just didn't have much in common with her. There was a similar issue with her band. They were professional, but mostly random adults she had little to no connection with. But she liked Steve the bass player, he always wanted to play cards on the long bus rides. Manila was getting pretty good at cards. In what limited down time she had she listened to music on her headphones and napped. Her mom and her manager were in charge of just about every decision, Manila just had to show up.

Performing was awesome, exhilarating. Manila felt great, singing and dancing on stage, in the bright lights. People cheered and she loved it, doing her best to give them a great performance. Her bodyguards stood at either side of the stage, just out of the view of the audience. 

-

"Manila, you look tired," said her mom, in the dressing room before her upcoming show, "Look at those lines under your eyes, make sure the makeup girl does something about that."

"Yes, Mom," sighed Manila.

"Don't sigh like that. Don't give me attitude."

"Sorry."

"That's right. Now," her mom crouched down next to her, her red-dyed hair just brushing Manila's arm, "Go out there and do it. You've got this, huh, darling? You messed up a bit on _Places, Traces,_ last night. Pay attention to those lyrics."

"Yes."

"Good."

Her mom left the dressing room. Manila looked in the mirror, considering whether she looked tired. She didn't think she looked that different from usual, but she hadn't had the best sleep last night on the overnight bus ride. But then again, like her mom frequently reminded her, the audiences were paying good money to see her perform, so she'd better look and sound her best. They were in… Seattle? 

The bodyguard, Raja, stood by the door calm and attentive, like she always did. Manila twisted in her chair. Despite her initial interest, she hadn't really noticed Raja much, she'd kind of faded into the background. But Manila supposed that was part of her job, and Raja did that well.

"Do you think I look tired?" asked Manila, jokingly, across the quiet room. 

Raja glanced at her, a small smile on her lips, "You look fine."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Thanks."

Then the door opened and the hair and makeup woman came in, kit in hand. Manila sat back in her chair and closed her eyes, letting the woman do her job.

-

Raven's face glowed on the tiny phone screen. Raja smiled down at her, relaxing on the bed in her hotel room. It was after the concert in Seattle, and the end of Raja's shift. She'd gone down to the hotel gym for a before-bed workout and was currently lying in bed in sweatpants. Jose was assigned to Manila tonight, keeping guard outside her hotel room door. 

"I miss you so much, babe," sighed Raven, over FaceTime.

Raja smiled, and answered, "I miss you too. I'm in Seattle."

"That's cool, are you gonna have any time off to explore?"

"No, we're leaving early tomorrow morning."

"How's the kid?"

Raja snorted a laugh. 'The kid' was how she referred to Manila in her conversations with Raven. Of course Raja didn't mention anything that would jeopardize her non-disclosure-agreement, just innocuous anecdotes. 

"She's fine, but her mom's a real piece of work."

"Stage mom?"

"The worst kind," replied Raja, shifting, "I almost feel sorry for her."

"Yeah, I've worked on kids like that," said Raven, pursing her lips and brushing her wavy blonde hair back from her face. Raja nodded. Raven saw all kinds of people in her job as a makeup artist for performers, actors and models, "They're either complete sociopaths or just suffering. How old is she again?"

"Fifteen. Turning sixteen in a couple months or something."

"That's not so bad, it's worse to see when they're little. It's a weird age though," said Raven contemplatively, "Fuck, I wouldn't have wanted the world's eyes on me when I was fifteen."

"Yeah, no shit. You had a bad haircut and a crush on Melissa Etheridge," teased Raja.

"I'm from a small town! She was the only lesbian anyone knew of…" whined Raven, laughing, "I should never have told you that."

"I'm gonna tease you about it forever."

"Ugh, shut up… "

The conversation turned to other topics before Raja realized it was getting late and said goodnight. She put her phone on the bedside table, rolled onto her side and shut her eyes. Luckily the bus ride tomorrow would be fairly short.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour proceeds to Europe, Manila has some footwear issues and Raja makes the best of the long distance between herself and Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aiming for some more characterization in this chapter also i'm playing it fast and loose with places and time frames, so i hope it's still pretty coherent lol ;)  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

There had been some kind of shoe disaster, apparently, which was why Raja was opening the door to a fancy shoe store in Houston with Manila, her mother Julia and some stylist they'd hired. Raja adjusted her earpiece and did a quick visual sweep of the room. The owner of the store brought the group to the back room to see a selection of new performances shoes for Manila. 

Manila took off her sunglasses and blinked. The room had a full-length mirror and a platform to stand on. Raja noted all the entrances and exits, including a swinging door that led to a storage area. Another employee was bringing out boxes of shoes, assisted by the stylist. Julia was talking into her cell phone by the entrance to the store. Manila sat the edge of the platform, waiting. She looked around curiously, and Raja almost wanted to smile. But she didn't, because smiling wasn't part of her job. 

Manila tried on seemingly endless pairs of shoes. The stylist, the store owner and Julia debated, but Julia remained unhappy. Manila was patient. Eventually, she tugged on a pair of heeled yellow ankle boots and stood up on the platform, looking awkward.

"These are the ones!" exclaimed the stylist, her eyes on Manila's feet. "Yellow's her signature colour, and they'll go perfectly with the outfits we have planned."

Manila shifted slightly, turning so the shoes caught the light.

"Great," said Julia, "She'll be able to dance in them, right?"

"They've got a fairly thick heel so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Um?" said Manila, and everyone's eyes turned up to her face. She shifted a little from foot to foot, "These are great but they kind of… hurt."

"Well, what's hurting?" demanded Julia.

"My toes, I don't know if I can-"

"Just practice moving in them."

"If they're hurting her we can find another-" began the stylist.

"No, it's fine," said Julia, "These are the ones, we'll take them. Just practice with them Manila, and wear different socks or something. Worst case scenario we can tape your toes like we did at the pageants."

"Yes, Mom," said Manila, quietly.

Raja frowned slightly as Manila stepped down from the platform and eased the shoes off. 

-

There was an incident in Orlando.

They were leaving the venue of Manila's latest show, stepping out of the back exit into the humid air. The car was ready in the street, but unfortunately a small crowd had gathered. Raja kept Manila between herself and José, as he pushed the door open. The moment Manila appeared there were shouts and yells of her name and the crowd rushed forward. Manila smiled and waved.

Raja and José held off the crowd while they made their way to the car. Julia was in front of them, and the musicians and dancers were leaving the building behind them, but the crowd ignored them both. Raja gritted her teeth, frustrated as shrieking teenagers tried to reach around her to touch Manila. A two-person security team wasn't enough to deal with this kind of thing, especially if it got worse as the tour continued. They were almost at the car, and José reached forward to open the back door. 

Manila cried out, and stumbled off balance.

Someone had grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back. It was a blonde teenage girl with an absolutely feral look on her face. Raja immediately grabbed the girl's wrist and twisted it. In her coldest professional voice, she said, _"Do not touch her."_

The snarling girl let go of Manila's hair. With a sidestep Raja placed herself between Manila and the feral fan, and Raja gripped Manila's shoulder and aimed her towards the car. Manila rushed into the back seat. José slammed the door shut behind her and went around the back of the car to the driver's side. Raja let the feral teenage girl go, and she vanished back into the crowd as it pressed against the car, calling Manila's name. Raja opened the passenger door and slid in as José pulled away from the curb. 

Raja let out a calm exhale. Moments like that were the crux of her and José's job; to keep calm and handle physical threats. And they had done so successfully.

But in the back seat the chaos hadn't ceased. Julia was shouting at Manila, demanding an explanation while Manila held a hand to the back of her head, grimacing. Raja eyed them in the rearview mirror. Manila looked shaken, and was leaning away from her mother's angry tirade. José started talking, trying to placate Julia and explaining what had happened. Raja remained silent, occasionally grunting in agreement with José. Her dislike of Julia had grown over the past few weeks.

It was Raja's shift to stand outside of Manila's hotel room that night. Manila walked up to the door, dragging her suitcase and putting her plastic key in the sensor. She paused, turning to Raja. 

"Thank you," Manila murmured. There was no need to specify. The moment hung between them.

"Just doing my job," replied Raja, and nodded to her. 

Manila closed the door, eyes downcast.

-

Manila held her breath as she boarded the airplane with José in front of her and Raja just behind her. She'd never flown across an ocean before. The band and the dancers were behind them. Steve wondered loudly whether there'd be food. Manila smiled to herself. 

This leg of the journey would be a big change. Her mom wasn't coming along. Julia was staying behind to negotiate some kind of deal with a record company on Manila's behalf. Manila never went anywhere without her mom and she almost never did anything without her mom's approval first. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time it had happened. But Alex was there, and he'd manage all the scheduling. 

It might get lonely, thought Manila as she glanced at the seat numbers. She didn't really talk much with anybody else in the group except her mom. Even though talking with her mom was often stressful. The endless voice and dance lessons, recording sessions, pageants, rehearsals and meetings her mom organized for her had occupied her entire life as long as she could remember.

"Oh my god, are you Manila?"

Manila glanced down. A young woman in her late teens was looking up at her eagerly from an aisle seat. Manila noticed Raja tense behind her, cautious.

"Yeah!" she said brightly.

"Could I have an autograph?"

"Sure!" replied Manila, putting on her goofy, charming smile.

The woman scrambled for a paper and a pen, "Just anywhere here is fine. I can't believe I'm on your flight!"

Manila took the paper and signed it in her best cursive, and then added a quick drawing of an airplane. She wasn't sure if her signature was any good yet, like a real musician. Maybe she should practice…

The woman took it with another enthusiastic thank you. Manila thanked her in return and kept moving down the aisle, and she heard the woman murmur, "Wow, she looks so much younger in person."

Manila finally got to her seat. José helped wrangle her bag into the overhead bin and then Manila sat by the window. Raja slid in next to her, and José took the seat behind them. The dancers and the band were scattered in the seats around them, with Manila in the centre like a nucleus in a cell. 

-

A couple hours into the flight and Manila was _bored._ It was daytime so she couldn't sleep, and she'd listened to all the music on her phone so often she was tired of it. 

Raja was next to her, eyes closed. She might be asleep, but it was hard to tell. Her long legs were stretched into the aisle, instead of staying trapped in the cramped seats. Her grey and black hair was down. Raja almost always wore it up, either in a low bun or in braids close to her head. Manila watched her. Although they didn't speak much Manila liked her company, and when they did speak she seemed nice. And professional, of course, doing all the aspects of her job perfectly as far as Manila could tell. Raja was, well, sort of her employee. Manila preferred not to think of it like that. 

Raja cracked an eyelid, and Manila looked away, embarrassed.

"You alright?" asked Raja, opening both her eyes.

"Yeah," said Manila quickly, "Just a little bored." She held up her phone. "I've listened to all the music I have so many times."

"Mm." Raja closed her eyes again.

"Um, what kind of music do you like?" asked Manila, desperate for distraction.

Raja took a moment before re-opening her eyes and then turned slightly towards Manila and said, "A variety. Some pop, alternative, punk."

"Cool, I like all that too, especially pop!"

"Yeah, you always have your headphones on."

"I've listened through like everything I have, though," said Manila, shyly, "Do you have any recommendations?" 

Raja looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she took out a pen out of her chest pocket, and gestured at Manila for her notebook, tucked into the seat pocket in front of her. Manila understood and took it out, handing it over to Raja. Raja opened it to a fresh page and began to write. Manila peered at the page, curious. Whatever Raja liked would definitely be cool. The older woman radiated cool. No one usually gave Manila music recommendations except for her voice coach, but that was like homework.

"Have you ever been to Europe before?" asked Manila while Raja wrote.

"Yeah, when I was in Lady Gaga's security detail," replied Raja, scratching something out and continuing. She had tiny, slanted writing.

"What was she like?"

"Professional. Fun. Really funny, too," said Raja.

"I love her music."

"Yeah, she's good."

Raja looked over her list for a moment and then handed Manila her notebook. There was a list of ten artists and an album or two associated with each one. Manila recognized a couple of the names, but most of the groups she'd never heard of. It was a great place to start. Maybe she could even talk to Raja about them when she was done listening through the list.

"Thank you!" said Manila, taking out her phone again, "I'll start at the top."

"Knock yourself out," replied Raja, turning away and leaning her head back, shutting her eyes again.

Manila found the first thing Raja had recommended on Spotify, tentatively turning on her data to do so. The opening chords of an album called _Heartthrob_ rang out and Manila closed her eyes as well, letting the fresh new sound wash over her.

-

"Yeah, we landed fine and everything," said Raja, later, when she had a quick food break and an opportunity to FaceTime with Raven. Raven was at work, Raja could tell from the wall behind her, on her lunch break or something. The time difference would be annoying over the next couple weeks. 

"That's good, is the kid doing back to back shows again?"

"Yeah," said Raja, nodding and gazing at her girlfriend's beautiful face. "We're hitting a bunch of cities in the UK, I don't even think we have hotels for the next while, we'll be sleeping on busses and trains. She talked to me a bit on the airplane, I think she gets bored without her mom."

Raven pursed her lips and replied, "Poor thing. That sucks about the schedule."

"I know, when are we going to have time for Skype sex?" whined Raja. 

"Oh my god," laughed Raven, rolling her eyes, "One track mind."

"You're so mean to me."

"You don't even like Skype sex!"

Raja laughed at herself, finishing her on-the-go meal, not caring who overheard their conversation.

"That doesn't mean I don't want the opportunity."

Raven gave her an evil grin and made an obscene hand gesture, flicking her tongue loudly against her teeth. 

"Ugh," complained Raja, "You're filthy."

"You like it."

"I know," sighed Raja, giving Raven a loving look, "I miss you, you dumbass."

-

The show in London went fantastically and the crowd absolutely lost its mind. Manila smiled and bowed and shouted out the names of her band and her dancers, and smiled and thanked the crowd, the venue and the city, and smiled and did an encore and _smiled_ and finally retreated off the stage. As soon as she was out of the view of the audience she grimaced, and threw her hand against the wall for support as the sound guys took off her mic and went out past her to pull the equipment. Raja appeared next to her as Manila slid down the wall and eased the yellow ankle boots off her feet. Raja kept her eyes up, nodding to José as he went ahead and cleared the way so Manila could get to her dressing room. 

Usually Manila could walk in her sock feet. But as she stood, grimacing, she reached out and grabbed Raja's arm for support. Her feet hurt particularly badly tonight. Raja wrapped Manila's arm around her shoulders and helped her to the dressing room. The band and dancers had already gone on ahead, and the crowd was still roaring behind them. Manila sighed with relief as Raja deposited her in the chair. Raja retreated and stood by the door, a slight frown on her face.

"These shoes," Manila whispered, shaking her head and leaning back in the chair. Her feet were bleeding, again, despite everything she'd done to try to make the shoes more comfortable. Instead of getting used to them, they'd just been hurting her more and more, as the tour had moved through the eastern USA. And now she was limping after the back to back shows in the UK. Luckily there'd be a break, one night to sleep in a hotel after they took the undersea train to Paris to start the continental Europe leg of the journey. But Manila wasn't sure how many more times she could take going up on stage in the agonizing yellow shoes.

Manila looked up at the ceiling and sighed, exhausted.

"Here."

Manila looked over and there was Raja, holding out a pack of bandaids. Manila had no idea when Raja would've had the opportunity to purchase them, but Raja could be hard to keep track of.

"Thanks." Manila took the box and opened it up, pulling her knee up wearily and pasting the bandaids over the sore and blistered spots on her feet. She'd really have to find some way to make the yellow shoes less painful. But she'd already tried various combinations of socks and toe-tape and pre-emptive bandaging, even reaching inside the heels and taping up the interior, but it hadn't made much of a difference. She'd just have to deal with it.

Sneakers finally on, Manila rose from the chair. Raja nodded to her and opened the door, and they proceeded down the dingy hallway to the back exit. Manila sighed and put on her best smile for the cell phones that flashed and clicked in her face - fewer here than in the US, luckily - as Raja and José kept the crowd off her and Manila got into the car. Sleepy in the back seat, she gazed out at the new city on the other side of the Atlantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :) comments give me LIFE <3 <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila attempts to deal with her shoe problem, Raja's icy exterior melts slightly and we check in with Raven. Oh, and they're in Paris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know anything about Paris lmfao, but I had fun writing this chapter. focusing on character development and backstory, etc, there and some ups and some downs.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

They were in Paris, and Manila was already dreading her performance later that evening. It wasn't because she was nervous, it was because her feet had barely had a chance to heal. The awful yellow ankle boots had left her dealing with terrible blisters, cramped toes and occasional bleeding. But they were the the shoes her mom had picked, so she had to keep wearing them.

 _The look is everything. You need to pull it off, I don't care if it hurts._ You think anyone else here is comfortable? Her mom's voice echoed in her head, a flashback from the Little Miss Orlando County pageant when Manila was eleven. Manila had won, accepting the lovely bouquet with what turned out to be a broken wrist. She sighed.

But still, she was in _Paris._ Which was the coolest place in the world. Manila wanted to go exploring, and her sore feet wouldn't stop her. She opened her hotel room door. Raja was waiting, and walked next to her down the hall to the elevator.

Manila knew she needed to be at the concert venue early that afternoon for sound check and rehearsal. Alex was changing up the set list. Manila wondered if she could have a say in that, and maybe even rehearse some new covers. It wouldn't be that hard. The list of music Raja had recommended was all Manila was listening to. Especially _Tegan and Sara,_ who Manila absolutely loved.

Manila wore sunglasses and a wide-brimmed hat to avoid recognition.

"Are we close to the Eiffel Tower?" asked Manila, as she wandered down the busy street outside of the hotel with Raja.

"No," replied Raja crisply, glaring at a group of passing men.

"Do you think we can get there today? I'd really like to see it."

"Probably. Alex is ordering a rental car."

"Okay great! I want to look around here first," said Manila. There were interesting-looking shops along the crowded street.

Manila mostly window-shopped. It was great to just be out, walking around in another city. No one had recognized her either, which was a relief. Something caught her eye. It was a shoe store, and in the window there was a beautiful pair of ankle boots. Manila stared. They were matte black, with bright yellow dots down the side of the thick heel, shrinking as they went, giving a slimmer illusion to the practical shoe.

"Look at these!" exclaimed Manila to Raja, motioning. Raja flicked down her dark glasses, looking over the frames at the heels in the window. 

"They're nice."

"Can I go inside?"

"You don't have to ask my permission," shrugged Raja, stepping over and opening the door to the store for her.

Manila hurried inside and asked an employee for help, managing to communicate through the language barrier about the shoes in the window. Raja stood behind her. The employee brought out the shoes in her size, and after some confusion regarding US and European size differences, Manila eased her bandaged feet into the black ankle boots and stood. They fit well, and felt good, comfortable even. Manila walked back and forth, tried out some of her dance moves a little self-consciously and completed the steps with ease.

Worry stole over her. Her mom and the stylist had decided on the yellow heels. Manila shouldn't complain. But this pair was actually comfortable, and black went with everything, and they even had the yellow dots that suited her colour palette. She checked the box for a price. Four hundred and fifty euros.

"How much is that, in American?" she whispered to Raja. 

"About five hundred dollars."

Manila had no idea how much the awful yellow heels had cost in Houston. Probably something close to that. Manila thought about the prepaid credit card that her mom had given her for emergencies. She hadn't used it yet.

"I should probably ask my mom," said Manila, thinking aloud, "It's just that the yellow boots are really hurting me-" 

Manila glanced at Raja, who was staring out the window into the street. But still listening. 

"-and I haven't bought anything with this credit card yet…" continued Manila, "and these new shoes will work, they'll suit my outfits. But maybe I shouldn't…?"

Manila trailed off. Raja glanced down at her. The older woman's expression was neutral, indifferent.

"If the yellow shoes are hurting you, then get a different pair," stated Raja.

Well, when it was put like that. Manila smiled up at her and rose, pulling her sneakers back on. Then she took the new shoes to the counter and paid for them. Walking back down the street to the hotel, bag in hand, she felt relieved. Performing tonight would be much easier.

-

"That went so well!" exclaimed Courtney, after the show, in the hallway outside the dressing room, "Shall we hit the town then, ladies? Gents?" She gestured at Roxy, Monique and the rest of the band. Manila hovered by the group, Raja a few feet behind her.

There was nodding and enthusiasm from Monique and Steve and the others. The keyboardist looked unimpressed but that was how she always looked. Alex was typing something on his phone and José was down the end of the hall. Manila felt elated, her feet finally weren't killing her and she wanted to celebrate. They were in Paris, after all. 

"Yeah, let's go!" said Manila, smiling and adjusting her bag on her shoulder. 

There was a pause, and everyone turned to look at her. 

"Aw, sweetie," said Courtney, laughing, "You're not old enough to get into a bar. And we want to like, go out."

"We'll be in Amsterdam tomorrow though," said Steve, giving a double thumbs up, "You can do whatever you want in Amsterdam."

"I don't think that's technically true," began Monique. Some minor squabbling broke out over what exactly one could get away with in Amsterdam.

Manila looked down. 

"But hey, we'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" said Courtney, sauntering over and patting her shoulder, "Just don't blame us if we're a little hungover."

"Okay."

Then the group moved off to the end of the hall to the back door of the venue where José stood, ready. Manila followed them, shrugging her bag with her performance gear higher on her shoulder. She could always just relax in her hotel room and listen to music before the early train ride tomorrow. But she was upset to be missing out as she watched her band and dancers disappear out the door. Manila had no idea where they even were in Paris, she'd lost all sense of geography as they moved quickly through the cities.

Manila sighed and paused before José opened the door and they stepped out. The fans were friendly and spoke to her in rapid, broken English while Manila signed a few autographs on her way to the car, Raja and José keeping her safely in the between them. Manila sat in the back of the car and stared out the window as José drove.

Raja cleared her throat. Manila looked up and saw Raja watching her in the rearview mirror, sunglasses pushed up on her head. 

"Do you still want to see the Eiffel Tower?" she asked, tone neutral.

Manila shrugged and sighed, "Sure."

Raja pulled the map up on her phone and murmured to José, who turned left, his hands moving confidently one over the other on the steering wheel. Manila watched the road, the lights, the old buildings and the crowds of people.

And then suddenly they were there, José parked and Raja got out, glancing around the street and opening the door for Manila. There were people around, and lights, but the night was warm and Manila walked along the street to the park, Raja and José just behind her. The air was slightly fresher, trees lining the path, the air had cooled since the warm morning. Manila climbed some stairs, and came out onto a bridge. 

Manila gasped. The Tower was perfectly lit up, a centrepiece against the night sky with the park stretching out before it. A huge smile broke out across her voice and she leaned on the railing, absorbing the sight. It was crowded around her with couples and tourists, taking pictures, speaking in different languages. Raja leaned against the railing next to her, keeping an eye on those around her. Manila took out her phone and captured a few pictures, and wandered back and forth across the bridge, lingering. She didn't want to go back to her lonely hotel room quite yet.

And then, suddenly, fireworks all around the Tower. The crowd cheered and Manila grinned, leaning against the railing again as the colours and lights exploded in the air. Next to her, Raja flinched. And then she gripped the railing, letting out a slow exhale through her nose. Manila glanced at her, curious. Raja seemed tense, but Manila hadn't noticed any threats around, in fact nobody on this bridge had even recognized her. 

Soon enough José drove them back to the hotel. He switched off with Raja for the night, and took his place outside Manila's door. Manila showered and changed and eventually fell asleep, arms held tightly around herself, fireworks still visible behind her eyes.

-

"She got different shoes, finally," said Raja, holding the phone out in front of her. Relaxed, she was sitting on her hotel bed in pyjamas, hair up in a bun. There were only a few hours before she had to be on duty again, but she still wanted to talk with her girlfriend before bed.

"Glad to hear it," replied Raven. There was a sunny window behind her, in their living room. It was early evening in California, and Raja wished she was there. 

"Yeah, the yellow ones were destroying her feet, she could barely walk," continued Raja.

"That's fucked up, I hope she feels better." 

Raja smiled at Raven's brusque manner. 

"We went to see the Eiffel Tower after her show," said Raja, "She enjoyed it."

"Aw, that's nice."

"There were fireworks."

Raven's expression softened, "You alright?"

Raja sighed. She didn't particularly like fireworks, especially not without advanced warning. They were one of the last remaining triggers that she couldn't kick from her years of military service. Something about the lights and explosions made her entire body react. But she'd put in the work in the thirteen years since she'd left the military and while she was technically diagnosed with PTSD it was under control.

"Yeah, I handled it fine."

Raven nodded and didn't say anything, knowing Raja would discuss it further if she wanted to.

"Anyway, can you show me the plants? How are they doing?" asked Raja, grinning.

Raven rolled her eyes and got up from the couch, touring Raja through their plant-filled living room. Some people had kids, some people had pets, but Raja and Raven kept houseplants. Their little house was covered. Raven narrated, giving Raja a decent view of each one. 

"-your spiders plants are fine, obviously. I think there's something wrong with your fiddle-leaf fig tree, but you can deal with it when you get back, I'm not touching that thing. I'm watering it as per your schedule, though, so don't blame me. Oh, here's your snake plant-"

"How are your cactuses?" asked Raja.

Raven's haughty face reappeared on the screen, "My _cacti_ are perfect, thank you."

Raja laughed, "You're such a diva."

"What, I can't love one thing in this cruel world?"

-

On the train to Amsterdam the next day Manila's phone rang and she looked down to see a FaceTime call from her mom. Raja was asleep in the seat next to her, but José was awake and he nodded to her and rose as Manila answered the call. She quickly walked to the train bathroom, shutting the door behind her. José waited outside, standing with his hands clasped in front of him. Julia glared at Manila from the small screen of her phone and demanded, "I saw the pictures from your show in Paris, how could you do this to me?"

"But, Mom-"

Manila folded down the toilet seat and sat, staring at her mom's angry face. 

"You absolutely cannot make decisions like that, we chose the yellow shoes for a reason! They suit the entire aesthetic that we've built for you, and you think you can just change it, like it's no big deal-" Julia continued, ranting.

"They were hurting me-"

"So?" demanded Julia, eyes narrowed, "I told you to manage it."

"Well, I tried but," stammered Manila, her resistance shrinking. She could feel the guilt and anxiety rising in her stomach, perhaps she really had been wrong, "I thought the black ones would work, since they have yellow dots, and-"

"No they don't, yellow _dots_ are not part of your look-"

Manila nodded and listened to her mom explain all the reasons why she'd made the wrong decision. Julia seemed to be pacing, in her condo back in California, and Manila watched as the background behind her mom's head changed from the kitchen to the living room and back again. Manila vaguely wondered what time it was there.

"-anyway, you're going to wear them again when you perform tonight."

"I don't-"

"Manila, you need to trust me. We're a team, right?" her mom smiled, showing her perfect teeth, "I'm here negotiating the contract on your behalf, right now. And it's going really well, but that hinges on your continued success. You have to be perfect. This record deal will be worth millions when you get back. Aren't you excited?" 

"Well, yeah, but-" Manila's eyebrows drew together, confused.

Julia adopted a kinder expression, "It's all for you, honey. So you need to hang on to your aesthetic, your performances need to be top-notch. You can do it. Just wear the shoes."

Manila's temper flared up hot in her chest and she snapped, "No! I don't want to!"

Then she slammed her thumb on the red button and ended the call, standing and turning her phone to silent. Manila took a moment, standing in the small bathroom space. Then she opened the door, nodded to José and walked back down the aisle to her seat. Manila exhaled, trying to slow her racing heart. The yellow shoes hurt so badly, and there was really no reason for Manila to wear them when she had a perfectly good new pair. But she couldn't remember the last time she'd said no to her mom, and she was sure there'd be consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! hmu in the comments ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Berlin. Manila gets to meet someone she's always admired and things get a bit wild. Raja is really starting to feel like a glorified babysitter, and Raven has a request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi i started writing this fic back in like january and have been adding to it on and off since then. decided to post it now since i have more time to edit and rewrite, etc. big love to those who are following :) i'm quite happy with the conversations between raja and manila in this chapter so feel free to let me know what you think! awkward conversations are my favourite thing to write lmfao.   
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

Raja was trying to sleep, upright in a bus seat somewhere between Amsterdam and Berlin. Manila was up and walking around, trying to occupy herself. Raja listened as she struck up a conversation with Courtney, but the Australian dancer wasn't interested, giving vague one-word responses until Manila moved off. Her usual conversation partner, Steve the bassist, was fast asleep in the back with his mouth open. Manila's soft footsteps approached, and Raja tried to savour her last moments of rest until Manila sat down in the seat next to her.

"Raja, I'm bored."

"Mm."

"What should I do?"

Raja let out a deep sigh and turned to her. 'Glorified babysitting' indeed, Raven was right. Manila never bothered José like this, and he was the more talkative of the two of them. Brief, irritated thoughts regarding sexism in the workplace, and how women were always expected to be nurturing flitted across Raja's mind before she replied.

"Write some messages to your friends or something, catch up on correspondence," suggested Raja, drawing the idea from thin air.

Manila frowned, stiff. 

"What?" said Raja, trying not to let her irritation show. It wasn't Manila's fault that Raja was exhausted. Both her and José had worked double shifts in Amsterdam and they'd had some serious crowd control issues. They needed a third person to do this job properly, and Raja planned to talk to Alex about it, but he was difficult to get alone.

"I don't have time for that kind of thing." 

Raja frowned back at Manila, recognizing Julia's tone in her voice.

"Well, you're bored aren't you?"

"Yeah, but… " Manila looked down, picking at her nails. Raja turned away from her and closed her eyes again, waiting. 

"I just don't know very many people," justified Manila, "I have to focus on my career. And I'm home-schooled because I'm like, ahead of everyone my age." 

Raja wanted to laugh at the sheer ego-maniacism of Manila's statement. But again, Manila was clearly parroting lines Julia had told her. Raja grunted neutrally and waited for Manila to give her a genuine response.

"I do have one friend," said Manila, quiet. Raja cracked an eyelid. "When we used to live in Florida she lived down the block and we went to the same school. We used to walk there together. Her name's Latrice and she's a great person, she was really funny."

Raja nodded, "Are you in touch with her?"

"Well, when I moved to L.A. we were messaging back and forth, and both on Facebook. But then my mom made me delete all my personal social media and make my professional ones. Latrice and I sort of… fell out of touch."

"When was that?"

"I guess the last time we talked was a year ago," said Manila, shrugging, "But it's- it's fine. I get a lot of DMs from fans on Instagram, maybe I'll reply to some of those."

Raja allowed her face to remain smooth, neutral, as Manila took out her phone and scrolled. Manila clearly didn't want to admit it but the writing was on the wall.

-

Berlin. Berlin was _amazing._ They'd arrived mid-day, and while Manila had an interview and rehearsal and to go over some administrative stuff with Alex, she actually had one night off until she performed the next afternoon. Manila could count on one hand the amount of nights she'd had off since the tour had begun.

Raja drove the car and José sat in the front seat, while Manila looked between the window and her Instagram feed. While her mom insisted that Manila could only follow certain socially acceptable accounts, Manila had subverted that rule a little by following other musicians. It was relevant to her career to keep up with her colleagues, after all. And then she saw it; a post by Shangela, another single-name-with-three-syllables pop and dance sensation. The picture showed her charming smile, and she wore a sequinned dance getup that showed off her tanned midriff. Then post read:

_Berlin tonight! Come see me at the Mercedes-Benz Arena! <3_

Manila inhaled sharply. She'd always admired Shangela's work, and they were actually in the same place at the same time! Manila immediately called Alex to ask if she could go, and if he could get her a ticket.

"Yeah, probably," he replied, clearly distracted on the other end of the line. Manila crossed her fingers, hopeful. Raja's eyes flicked to the rearview mirror, then back to the road.

"I'll have to run it by your mom first-"

"No, I'm sure it's fine-" said Manila.

"You call her and ask," said Alex, "Then I'll look into a ticket, maybe backstage passes. Shangela would be good to network with, maybe for a future collaboration."

"Okay, sure." Manila pressed her lips together. There was a high chance her mom might say no, especially since their argument about the shoes. But she'd texted her mom the next day to apologize for hanging up on her and things seemed… okay. It was frustrating, still having to ask her mom for permission when she was half-way across the world. 

Raja pulled over and they found wifi and Manila prepared herself, making sure her hair looked pretty and putting on lipgloss. Then she called her mom, a smile on her face for the slightly pixelated FaceTime screen. Julia picked up, appearing to be in a good mood. Manila chatted casually for a few minutes, and then she approached the subject at hand.

"So, Mom, Shangela is playing a show tonight here in Berlin," said Manila carefully, fidgeting ever-so-slightly with her seatbelt and Julia nodded. "And this is the one night I'm not performing-" Manila was careful with what she said next, not implying that she'd asked Alex first, because her mom hated it when she thought Manila was going behind her back, "I'd really like to go, and if I get to meet her she could be a really good person to, um, network with?"

Her mom frowned over the small screen, considering. Manila held her breath and tried not to look too eager.

"Fine. But just the concert, and make sure you network with her after, and-"

"Thank you!"

"And only if you wear the yellow heels tomorrow." Manila's heart sank. Not the yellow heels, again. She'd know, _she'd just known,_ that her mom wouldn't let it drop so easily, even with Manila a thousand miles away. Raja eyebrows drew together, in the rearview mirror.

"Mom, they're tearing up my feet…" objected Manila, but she already knew she'd lost. 

"Honey, we've been over this. They're the nicest ones, they complete the look," said Julia, and smiled. "You could be so beautiful if you'd just let the people around you help. We're making all this happen together; your career, the tour, the album, everything. Wear them at your show tomorrow and for the rest of the tour and you can go to the concert tonight."

"I-"

"Manila."

"Okay, yes. I'll wear the yellow heels. But I can definitely go and see Shangela perform?"

"Yeah, I'll message Alex right now and confirm."

Manila smiled and thanked her mom again, with a heavy heart. The awful yellow heels were following her around like a curse.

-

But Alex managed to wrangle the tickets and soon enough Manila found herself in a seat between Raja and José just as the lights went down and the concert was starting. Manila had worn her favourite red pleated skirt for the occasion. All her worries vanished as she gripped the arms of the seat in anticipation.

It was an unbelievable show, and Manila was thrilled. She desperately wanted to get up and dance, but that wasn't really possible. Instead, she just watched the show, Shangela singing hard into her microphone and dancing and as the crowd screamed and cheered and danced. Raja and José were both stone-faced throughout, though at certain points Manila noticed Raja's foot tapping and José's head nodding. There were backup dancers doing routines, and there was even a light show. It was a huge spectacle, and Manila could barely believe it. Her own shows weren't that big or advanced yet. But she knew her mom and Alex had big plans for her.

Afterwards Manila was led backstage through a series of corridors and then to a dressing room. They knocked and a large black man in a suit and an earpiece opened the door.

"Shangela will be signing autographs after- oh," he paused, taking in Manila and Raja and José behind her, "Come in." He stepped aside.

Manila walked in and saw Shangela in a similar position to herself, after concerts. Tired, sitting in the dressing room chair, looking at her phone. Shangela's blonde hair was a bit disheveled, and she'd changed out of her sequinned performance getup into jeans and a t-shirt. There was an empty chair across from her. Raja stood inside the door with Shangela's bodyguard, and José stayed outside.

"Hi," said Manila, with a nervous smile as she approached.

Shangela looked up from her phone, "Oh hey girl, you're Manila, right?"

"Yeah," replied Manila, sitting down in the empty chair and smoothing her hands over her skirt, "You played a really great show. The crowd loved you!"

"Aw thanks," replied Shangela, cracking a smile, "I heard you were on tour here too. How's that going?"

"It's going well, I'm not performing until tomorrow night, but Berlin is really exciting! I think my band and dancers are out partying right now."

"Girl tell me about it," laughed Shangela, her teeth catching the light, "Mine are the worst for that! At least I can go out with them in most of Europe, now that I'm seventeen."

"That's great! I can't yet, it sucks."

They chatted about the various issues of tours and Manila found herself staring into Shangela's eyes, enraptured. The other girl was beautiful, and she was so friendly, even after performing for three hours. Shangela talked away and returned Manila's gaze, cocking her head slightly to the side.

"Damn it's nice to chat with another American! Where're you from again?"

"Florida, but now L.A."

"Florida!? Girl really? I'm from Texas!" laughed Shangela, "Hey, are you doing anything after this? It's been forever since I've gone out with anyone other than my crew and my band." 

"I don't think so?" Manila glanced over at Raja, who shook her head. 

"Well then," said Shangela, a conspiratorial grin growing on her face, "We should do a little partying of our own…"

They managed to get out of the building with minimal fuss, which was surprising because Shangela was at least three times as famous as Manila. But she had twice as many people in her security team. Manila couldn't take her eyes off the other girl, and they talked and laughed in the car. The amazing thing about Shangela, thought Manila, was that she really understood exactly what it was like. Becoming famous and being on tour, trapped on airplanes and busses, having to bring all your energy and enthusiasm to the stage every night. Shangela mentioned her mom and her grandma a lot, as well as the various friends she had back home in Texas. Manila shared a few stories of her own, some hilarious moments from the pageant circuit, and didn't really mention her mom. 

"Where are we going?" asked Manila. They seemed to be driving through Berlin in no discernible direction.

"I was gonna hit the club," said Shangela, running a hand through her hair.

"Oh, okay…" Manila was disappointed. She was going to get left behind, again.

"But you can't get in, can you?" Shangela's smile was charming, "Why don't we just hang out?

"That would be great! Uh, where?"

"One of our hotel rooms, girl!"

"Right!" laughed Manila, shaking her head. Talking to someone her own age was so unfamiliar. "You can come to mine?" 

"Sure!" replied Shangela, and winked, "We're gonna need something to make it a party though." Then she leaned forward and spoke to her bodyguard, "Hey Jordan, can you pull over here? I'm gonna pick us up some wine, honey."

"Absolutely, Ms Wadley."

"Thank you."

The car pulled over. Shangela put on her sunglasses and pulled up her hood, grabbing her purse and opening the door. Manila moved over the seat and climbed out the door behind her. The street was busy, people were wandering around and talking in all kinds of languages. Neon signs glowed, and people spilled out of the open air bars, or sat in little wooden tables outside cafes. Manila took it in. It felt magical. Shangela made a beeline for a supermarket on the corner, and Manila followed her, wandering the narrow aisles. It wasn't like a big American supermarket, it was small like a corner store but with actual food instead of chips and candy.

Shangela grabbed a bottle of wine and some snacks, then paid, ID and credit card flashing in the fluorescent light. Jordan and Raja lingered near the exit, standing out from the other night-time patrons in their sunglasses and dark formal attire. Then Manila and Shangela burst back into the night, Shangela nudging her and making a joke. Manila grinned and laughed.

-

It was Raja's turn to work the night shift, and she stood outside Manila's door, hands clasped in front of her. Facing her was Jordan, Shangela's bodyguard. They nodded politely at one another, chatting briefly, but neither of their job descriptions included small talk. It was Raja's duty to be attentive, so she kept an eye on the hallway and went into the meditative, mindful state she used when she had to wait without stimulus for an extended period of time. 

Of course she could hear the music from inside the room, and the loud enthusiastic talk and laughter. Manila sounded happy, in a way Raja hadn't heard from her before. And more than a little starstruck. The teenager deserved to relax and be around someone her own age for an evening. Raja shifted her weight from one hip to the other and then stood still again. 

Manila had been giving Shangela wide-eyed looks of admiration and big smiles on the car ride over to the hotel, and they hadn't escaped Raja's notice. It was her job to notice everything.

Time passed and the loud room grew quieter, until suddenly there was silence and only the sound of music from Manila's portable speaker. Raja made brief eye contact with Jordan, and had the sense he'd experienced this a few times before. 

Then there was a burst of hysterical giggling, and then low, excited voices and then more silence. Raja could guess what might be happening in the room, and it made her feel vaguely nostalgic.

And then the music was turned up, and there was singing and laughing and talking, their voices loud again. A thump and a shrieked laugh from Manila. It sounded like she'd tripped and fallen over.

A little while later the hotel room door clicked open and Shangela came out, signalling to Jordan. He stepped out of the alcove, glancing up and down the hall. Shangela leaned against the door frame, giving Manila a big smile and pulling her in for a hug. Raja couldn't see Manila's expression.

"It was so nice getting to know you, baby, I'll keep in touch. See you sometime soon."

"I'm so glad we met." Manila's voice, quieter, almost shy.

Shangela turned from the door, looking content, bag slung over her shoulder. Jordan and Raja nodded goodbye to one another and he and Shangela headed down the hall. Manila crept out of the door, peering down the hall, eyes following Shangela's head of blonde hair until she turned the corner. Then Manila took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall where Jordan had been standing, the contrast between their frames almost comedic to Raja.

Manila let out a giggle, showing wine-stained teeth, and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling. Raja's eyes flicked to hers.

"She's so cool, she really understands…" sighed Manila, and gazed wistfully down the hall where Shangela had disappeared. Then her brows drew together, and she asked, "You didn't hear anything, did you?"

"Just the music."

"Okay I- there wasn't anything to hear! I mean, nothing happened- But don't tell my mom, please?"

The pleading look in Manila's eyes was tragic, especially since it so quickly followed her look of happy infatuation. But Raja understood. She'd been in the same position herself, a few times in her adolescence. Even if nothing had happened between Shangela and Manila - which Raja strongly doubted - Julia wouldn't find out anything from her. 

"Of course not," said Raja calmly, keeping her eyes ahead. 

"Thank you."

Manila sighed again, slumping back against the wall. Semi-drunk happiness returned to her face. And then Manila looked at Raja, curious eyes wandering down from her grey-black braided hair to her suit-jacket and white shirt to her black formal shoes. There wasn't desire in it, but it was a look Raja knew deeply. 

It was curiosity, like surfacing from sleep and beginning to see. It was like acknowledgment, that _something about you is different._ Raja suddenly knew that Manila hadn't seen her in this light before.

-

"Are you, um, you know?" asked Manila, licking her ice cream and very carefully not making eye contact with Raja. They'd just arrived in another city and Manila was restless from the overnight bus ride and wanted ice cream. Her show was in a few hours, so Raja went out with her, and they sat at a wrought-iron chair in a little cafe. The customers were mainly older people and adults with kids, so no one had recognized Manila or gave them trouble. Nonetheless, Raja kept her sunglasses on and her eyes moving, assessing for threats. 

It was four days and as many performances since Berlin. And the return of the yellow torture shoes hadn't escaped Raja's notice. Anger simmered in her chest at Julia's manipulative tactics. Manila did her best with the shoes, but it was obvious she was in pain, again.

"Am I what?" replied Raja, although she knew what Manila was asking. It was apparent that the teenager had questions forming. Manila had no real friends and the adults that surrounded her weren't exactly cultivating close, trusting relationships. The fact that Manila was coming to Raja - who was supposed to just be a bodyguard - with this kind of question highlighted how alone the teenager was. Nonetheless, here was Raja with an ice cream cone in her hand, navigating a conversation teenager who was questioning her sexuality. Great. Raven would laugh at her about it, later.

"You know…" continued Manila, looking around and lowering her voice, "Like… a lesbian?"

"Yes," Raja replied simply. Then she took bite of her ice cream, or whatever they called it here. It was hot and sunny out, Raja's usual choice of a black suit was proving regretful. 

"Oh, okay. Uh, sorry."

"What are you sorry about?"

"No, I didn't mean-! Just sorry for asking. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, it's just a question."

If it had come from anyone else, Raja would've given them her coldest stare and told them not to ask personal questions. But that wasn't what Manila needed right now.

"My mom doesn't like gay people," said Manila, quietly, peering at Raja over her sunglasses. She took another lick of her ice cream.

Raja resisted the urge to say _your mom is a bigoted asshole_ and instead replied, "Some people don't. Those people are prejudiced."

"But what about your family?"

Another work-inappropriate personal question. Raja sighed. But someone needed to explain to this kid that it was okay, and she supposed it had to be her. 

"My family consists of my girlfriend, who I live with in L.A.," replied Raja, and Manila stared at her intently, ice cream forgotten, hanging on her every word, "A close group of good friends and one particularly decent aunt."

"You have a girlfriend?"

"Yes."

"What's her name?"

"Raven."

"How long have you known her?"

"Eight years."

"And you live together? Does anyone bother you about it?" Manila was so earnest. It occurred to Raja that she might be one of the first real-life queer adults Manila had ever spoken with openly.

"Yeah, we live together and it's great. I love her. And no one bothers us about it," stated Raja firmly, "It's normal, just like anybody else."

"Okay," said Manila, contemplative. Then her eyebrows drew together. "I'm not asking because I'm- I'm not. I was just wondering."

"It's okay to be curious, you can be curious about anything."

"Thanks… " said Manila. They lapsed into silence, Manila finishing her ice cream. Then she changed the subject, asking Raja a few questions about some of the bands she'd recommended. Raja allowed her to guide the conversation, and wondered vaguely how Manila's future might shape up.

-

Raja was in another hotel room, a couple days later. It had been a very long day; a bus ride, a missing instrument situation and then yet another concert. She lay back against the pillows, one hand tucked behind her head, the other hand supporting her cell phone against her bent knee. 

"-it's been exhausting, there's just so much going on and we really do need a bigger security team," continued Raja, vaguely realizing that she was giving in to the urge to complain.

Raven's wavy blonde hair glowed on the tiny screen, as she sat on the couch in their living room at home, sometime in the California evening. From the way Raven's phone was propped up Raja could see her rolling a joint on their coffee table, leaning forward in a way that Raja could see down her shirt without Raven realizing it. Raja smirked to herself. Ideal. 

"Yeah, that sounds really annoying. I'm dealing with this thing with my boss right now-" replied Raven, carefully rolling the paper into a little cylinder and squeezing the ends. Raja listened, as Raven told her about how things were going. But mostly she kept her eyes on Raven's cleavage. Damn, she missed her.

As Raven delicately licked the paper to seal the joint, Raja found herself licking her lips. Just staring at Raven was nice, but what Raja wouldn't give to be back home, smoking weed together and taking all of Raven's clothes off.

Raven glanced up, and Raja blinked, a little guilty. 

"Were you looking down my shirt?" asked Raven, a smile playing on her mouth as she reached for the lighter. Her legs were apart and from the angle of the video Raja could see that Raven was wearing tight yoga pants that outlined everything very clearly. Raja inhaled sharply. While she knew Raven's body as well as her own, it was somehow still exciting, every single time.

"Uh… no?" replied Raja. 

"Sure," said Raven with a wink, bringing the joint to her mouth and lighting it. Of course Raven had noticed, thought Raja. Raven was not very intellectual, but she was observant.

"You miss me?" asked Raven, inhaling and letting out a cloud of smoke. 

"Yeah," sighed Raja. 

"Why don't you show me _just how much you miss me,"_ purred Raven, taking another inhale, and rubbing her hand up and down her thigh. She blew smoke at the phone.

Raja blinked and hurriedly adjusted her phone, holding it so that Raven could see her body, relaxed in a casual undershirt and sweatpants. 

"Show me," commanded Raven, and Raja's breath caught, excited, and she smiled. Then she ran her own hand down her body, reaching inside her underwear. 

"I miss you so much," breathed Raja. On the other side of the world Raven copied her movements, eyes glued to the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a situation in Barcelona, Raja gets her James Bond moment, and Manila deals with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't write a lot of action scenes so this was fun and new for me :)  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: for both non-consensual and consensual drug use in this chapter

It happened in Barcelona.

Raja was eyeing the end of her shift from the poorly-lit dressing room doorframe. She'd worked the night shift the night before, and hadn't managed to sleep on the crowded train on the way to Barcelona. But there were a couple hours between the set-up and sound check and the concert itself during which Raja could hopefully escape back to the hotel and sleep. José could keep an eye on Manila during that time. But even he didn't look great, he had dark circles under his eyes despite having caught some hours of sleep the night before. They were both pushing themselves too hard. But apparently Manila was quite popular in Spain, and there'd been some threatening stirrings online. Raja really need to take it up with Alex. 

The sound check and partial rehearsal came and went, and Raja was hoping she could edge away, soon. José was on the phone with the rental car company, and Alex was standing near Manila, eyes down on his phone.

"I'm hungry," said Manila from across the room, a frown creasing her brow, "There's food coming soon, right?"

She was speaking to Alex, who nodded vaguely in her direction, "Yeah, it's been ordered, just wait."

Raja stood inside the door and tried to ignore everyone. Manila sighed and looked at her phone, her other hand playing with the bandage wrapped around her left ankle. The problem of her injured feet still remained. Raja sighed, shifted her weight from hip to hip and tried not to think about how exhausted she was. Everyone was exhausted. But the tour was finally nearing it's end.

Of course there was some kind of problem with the food, the order had gotten lost or cancelled or something. So Alex ordered Raja to go pick up something for Manila before the show began. And of course, Manila didn't want to just wait in the dressing room by herself, so Raja found herself and José leaving the venue from the back exit, along with a few of Manila's musicians. It would be a damn picnic, apparently. But there was fast food just down the block. The group walked up the alley into the street, and Raja glanced around. The street around the venue wasn't particularly busy since the concert wasn't starting for a couple hours. 

There was a nervous-looking young man waiting in front of a shop, just across the street. He was glancing from his phone to Manila and back again. Raja eyed him, but he was probably just a fan.

José's head was turned and he was laughing at something Steve the bassist was saying, and Manila walked quickly ahead. Raja yawned surreptitiously into her fist. Two large men stepped out of a business ahead of her, blocking her way on the narrow street, one hissing something to the other under his breath. Raja frowned, glancing up. Manila was too far ahead of her, she needed to catch up. She went to move push past the men. 

A hand closed around the left shoulder of her jacket. Raja saw the fist coming just in time and dodged it, wrenching her neck to side. There was a shout from ahead, and Manila was struggling against the nervous young man, who'd ran across the street and grabbed her by the upper arms, dragging her into the road, his face a mask of panic.

"Let go of me!" cried Manila.

Raja's heart dropped and she reacted instinctively, kneeing the large man in the groin. He went to his knees, trying to drag her down with him, but she gripped his wrist with her left hand and hit his elbow joint from below with her right. There was the sound of a snap. He howled in pain and let go.

Manila tried to resist the young man, who was yelling in Spanish and dragging her towards a rusting white van that had just pulled up to the curb. Fuck. José tried to get to her, but the other large man had engaged him, throwing himself in his path. Raja dodged them and ran towards Manila. The van door opened and somebody shoved a black hood over Manila's head, muffling her yells.

Another man appeared from nowhere, throwing a punch at Raja's head. How many of these assholes were there? Raja dodged and then grabbed the man's outstretched arm. Carrying him through on his own momentum, Raja twisted, slamming him into the ground.

Manila was being pushed into the van, kicking, the lines of her body etched in panic. 

_Fuck._ Raja wasn't close enough, but she threw herself forward, arm out, and missed the back of Manila's shirt as the door slammed shut. She hit the van, bouncing back. The engine squealed and the van pulled away from the curb.

Time slowed. Behind Raja, José had got around the other large man and was shouting something in Spanish into his cell phone. The musicians and people behind them were yelling in shock, but it was all suddenly low, quiet in the background. 

Manila was in the white van, careening down the street on thin, balding tyres. 

Raja took her gun out of it's shoulder holster, stepped out into the quiet street and put herself into position. Arms up, sighting down the short barrel. Shoulders slightly forward, relaxed. She eyed the back tyres of the van. This was her last resort. She let out a breath and squeezed the trigger. 

The back left tyre of the van blew out and the van lurched to one side. Raja sighted again, and shot. The right tyre exploded and the van veered violently, ricocheting off a parked car, and then careening into a lamp post on the other side of the narrow road.

"I'll get to the driver-" barked José, behind her.

Raja flicked the safety back on as José sprinted ahead of her to the van. He ran around to the driver's side, yanking the door open and pulling out the bewildered driver, restraining him on the ground. Right on his tail, Raja adjusted her grip on the pistol and smashed in the side window. The cheap glass broke into chunks, and Raja instantly reached in and flicked the lock. Then Raja shoved her gun back in it's holster inside her blazer and hauled the door open. 

Inside of the van was chaos. People were shouting, the collision had thrown them all around. Manila was sprawled on the floor, hands zip-tied together behind her, the black hood still over her head. The nervous young man saw Raja and shouted, but she grabbed him by the shirt and threw him out of the van behind her. Then she stepped partway in and grabbed Manila by the upper arm, pulling her up. Manila cried out and struggled. Someone tried to reach around the seat and block her but Raja took them out out with a punch to the throat. 

"Manila, it's me."

Manila stopped struggling as Raja pulled her out of the van. Tearing the hood off her head, Raja hustled Manila away from the chaos to the sidewalk. Manila was staring around blankly, hands still tied. A crowd was gathering. Cell phones were being held up. This was bad, Raja had to get Manila to somewhere private immediately. José was shouting into his phone again. The botched kidnappers were rolling out of the van in various states of injury, yelling to one another. José signalled to Raja, indicating a door a few feet down from them.

Raja put her arm around Manila and pushed open the door. They were at the back of a business, an office of some type and a woman stood up from a desk in shock, saying something. Just behind them, José barked an explanation in Spanish. Raja spotted a door and pushed it open, leading Manila inside with her, and José closed the door behind. It was just a bathroom, with a sink at one end and a toilet at the other, but at least it was quiet and out of the public eye. Manila's face was still blank with shock. Raja fished her knife out of her pocket and cut the zip ties around Manila's wrists. 

Manila looked down at her hands, almost as if seeing them for the first time. There were red marks around her wrists from where the zip ties had cut in.

"I, uh..."

Then her shallow breath caught up her throat. Raja put a steadying hand on her shoulder, but Manila threw herself forward and grasped the lapels of Raja's jacket, crying hysterically into her chest. 

"Hey, woah, you're okay," said Raja awkwardly, but she wasn't very good at comforting others. Manila had apparently decided to give up the use of her legs, and her weight was pulling Raja forward. Raja managed to get the two of them into a sitting position on the floor, backs to the wall.

"We need to arrange a car and control the crowd," said José, "You'll be okay, Manila. We got you."

"The cops are arresting them," added Raja.

"Yeah, and Alex is on his way."

Manila sobbed, face hidden against Raja's shirt. It was unclear if she'd registered anything they'd said.

"We're lucky this happened in Spain," said Raja to José, with a wry smile, "At least you can yell at people and they'll understand you."

José laughed, easing the tension in the room slightly and shook his head, "Right? Woulda been a lot worse in Poland."

Raja looked down at Manila, who's grip on her jacket was unrelenting, back shaking with sobs, "I guess I'll stay with her."

José nodded and left. 

Raja managed to put an arm around Manila, rubbing her back. Manila was shaking. Raja took deep, slow breaths, calming her own racing heart. That had almost been a worst case scenario. But between herself and José they'd prevented it, with some rather melodramatic gun exploits on her part. A European concealed-carry license had been difficult to get but Raja was glad she'd gone to all the effort now. Raja exhaled, frustrated. Manila needed an actual security team, for god's sake.

Alex burst into the room. 

"Is she okay?"

Manila managed to peel her face back from Raja's shirt for a moment to nod. Her face was red and blotchy, her nose was running, her makeup smeared. Raja pursed her lips. The mascara would probably stain her shirt.

"What the fuck happened?" he demanded, glaring down at Raja. Raja tried to move away, but Manila had an iron grip on her jacket. She sighed and looked up at Alex, recounting the events using her professional voice. True exhaustion was beginning to hit as the adrenaline faded from her body.

"The show is in three hours."

Manila shook her head, "No. I can't do it."

Alex's eyes narrowed. He crouched down and adopted a kinder expression, "Manila, we'll take you back to the hotel and we'll delay the show by an hour. You can call your mom. You're going on stage tonight."

"I can't," sobbed Manila, curling herself in against Raja, "I want to go home."

Raja stared at Alex, keeping her expression neutral.

Alex sighed at Manila's refusal, on the bathroom floor of this random business in Barcelona. Then he turned to the sink and took a water bottle out of his bag and emptied half of it. Manila was still sobbing into Raja's shirt, oblivious. But Raja watched as Alex took out a yellow prescription bottle and dropped in two pills, shaking the bottle until they dissolved.

Alex turned back to her, his face schooled back into a sympathetic expression.

"Here Manila, have some water," he said, offering her the water bottle. Manila peeked out from Raja's shirt and then turned and took the water bottle. She took a tentative sip, then drank it all, thirsty. Raja watched her face carefully and Manila's tears faded into silence, but she still wasn't letting go of her, knuckles white. Alex took out his phone and made a call. Raja wondered how much longer they were going to sit in this bathroom. Manila should be in a quiet, private space as soon as possible.

A few minutes later Manila seemed much calmer. Her grip on Raja's jacket loosened slightly. 

"Come on, let's go," said Alex, and Raja helped Manila to stand, her hand still gripping Raja's jacket. Raja's own body was demanding rest, but she pushed the sensation down. 

They got Manila out of the building and into the waiting car, José in the drivers seat. Manila still wouldn't let Raja go, so she clambered into the back seat next to her. On the way back to the hotel Manila was became increasingly pliable, blinking slowly. Raja frowned at the back of Alex's head, in the front seat. 

In the hallway leading to the hotel room Raja managed Manila's continuing refusal to let go of her. The teenager clearly didn't want to be alone. Whatever Alex had given Manila was making her stumble, and she slurred something to Raja under her breath. Raja's eye twitched.

Once they were in her hotel room Raja sat her down on the bed and Manila finally let go of her. Manila looked around blearily, then bent down to take her shoes off, fumbling with the laces. 

"I'll call Julia," muttered Alex, and tapped at his phone, bringing it to his ear. Recognizing her opportunity, Raja stole out the door and faced José, who was standing outside.

Raja spoke quickly, under her breath, "He gave her two pills from a prescription bottle, dissolved in water. Might've been Xanax or Valium from the way she's stumbling. Check on her regularly."

"A double dose of something that isn't prescribed to her?" asked José, concerned, "I'll make sure I have the room key once Alex comes out,"

Raja nodded. They stared at each other.

"That was pretty fucked up," said José. 

"I know."

"I couldn't believe it when you shot the tyres out," said José, shaking his head with a small grin, "I called the cops, was telling them the license plate number right as you did it." Both of their instincts had been good, but they'd been outnumbered. "But it was too close."

"I can't keep working like this," muttered Raja. She knew she must look a mess; sweaty, exhausted, her face drawn. The two tight braids on her head were beginning to loosen, and they itched where they met and hung at the base of her skull. A headache was forming.

José opened his mouth to respond, but then the door opened and Alex came out, still talking into his phone. Raja shifted her weight back and forth from foot to foot until he hung up and turned to face them.

"Alright, she passed out," he said, "I'll wake her up in three hours. We can delay the concert by maybe a couple hours, but she's going to perform tonight."

Raja didn't allow any expression onto her face, but José didn't have his emotions under the same control. He stiffened and frowned. 

"What?" snapped Alex, "It's not like we can just refund all those tickets. She's not in the fucking hospital! If she doesn't perform she doesn't make money, which means I don't make money, which means you two don't get paid." He gestured angrily, pointing between the two of them. "What happened today happened because of _your_ incompetence!"

"We're understaffed-" began José.

"I say how many of you we need," interrupted Alex, "Do your fucking jobs and don't let this shit happen again."

Raja fixed him with an utterly blank stare and seethed inwardly. This was bullshit. But at least it was the end of the tour, with only two more shows left. Raja's contract went on after the tour, however. Alex still wanted security once they got back to the US and Manila started recording her album.

Raja nodded at Alex, and glanced at José, who conceded and nodded as well, lips pressed together unhappily.

"Anyway," continued Alex, hands out, "I need both of you watching her because of this. Raja, you're staying on until after the concert."

"I've been on for twenty-one hours," said Raja through gritted teeth, feeling every single minute of it. Her shirt was still damp from Manila's tears and snot. "I haven't slept in almost twenty-eight. I am _useless_ to her if you don't let me rest."

Alex paused, staring at her. José's eyes flicked between them and he adjusted his stance.

"Fine, fine," said Alex, running a hand over his gelled hair, "But I need you back for the show."

"Then I'll be back."

Raja turned and stalked down the hallway to her room, shoving the door open.

-

Manila stared at her reflection in the dressing room mirror, willing herself to get ready. Her makeup was done, but her head felt fuzzy like she was still half-asleep, and she shivered in the air conditioning that blasted out from the wall. José stood in the corner by the door. Manila didn't know where Raja was. 

Alex burst in the door, "Manila. Come on, get ready. We need you on in ten minutes."

"But Alex, I-"

"No buts," he said, gesturing at her outfit, "We can't delay any longer. Everyone is waiting for you. Do you need anything, huh?"

Manila felt like her thoughts were swimming very deep below the surface of her brain. She kept flashing back to the moment right before the hood was put over her head. Twisting and looking back, she'd seen Raja dodge a punch and throw the guy to ground. But Raja wasn't close enough to reach her. And then the hood was pulled over her head and she knew she was being taken-

"No, I'm fine," she said slowly.

Manila barely remembered the one terrifying minute before the van crashed and she flew forward onto the floor, hands tied, and there was screaming and everyone was all over the place and someone grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the vehicle and Manila was terrified, sick and but it was Raja-

She steadied her hands on the counter. Even thinking about it made her shake.

Back in her hotel room she'd felt horrible and dizzy and sleepy. Maybe it was shock. Alex had called her mom and put Manila on the line, but all her mom wanted to do was yell about who's fault it was. She'd barely asked Manila if she was okay, and before she'd passed out Manila felt horribly alone-

Alex bent in front of her, snapping his fingers. Manila blinked, returning to the present. Alex sighed, running a hand over his gelled hair. He pulled a can of Red Bull out of his bag and handed it to her.

"Drink this. And then get your shoes on and go out there."

Manila frowned. She didn't particularly like Red Bull, or anything fizzy, but she'd had it before. She took a sip. It was sweet, metallic-tasting.

"Manila."

Alex's harsh voice cut through the underwater feeling. She downed the can, trying to ignore the bubbles. Alex turned around as she pulled on her performance dress, and her yellow ankle boots. Manila grimaced as the blisters on her feet rubbed up against the inside of the shoes. She was doing this for her mom, who she loved, but her mom hadn't even listened to her when she tried to tell her about what happened-

"Okay, I think I'm ready," she said, but her voice sounded hollow even to herself.

Alex sighed, and went over to the mirror and took a baggy with white powder out of his pocket. He emptied some of it onto the counter and took out his credit card, cutting it into two lines.

"What is that?" asked Manila. Manila had seen it around before, but hadn't ever asked the question.

"It'll bring you up to where you need to be for the show."

"What-"

"You snort it, like this," said Alex, and he demonstrated, one finger over his left nostril, right one down on the counter. Manila glanced at José, but his face was blank, staring at the wall. 

"Your musicians and dancers are doing the same thing right now," said Alex, sniffing, "It's just something people take to perform."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Come on, hurry up."

Manila didn't particularly want to. But then again she didn't particularly want to go onstage. But she'd drank the Red Bull, and put on her outfit, even the horrible yellow shoes just like she'd promised, and she still didn't know where Raja was and _her mom didn't seem to care that she'd almost been kidnapped-_

Manila leaned down and snorted the line, awkwardly. Alex looked closely at her nose, wiping away the residual dust. Then he smiled and patted her shoulder, pushing another can of Red Bull into Manila's hand. Manila's heart began to race and her thoughts rose out from underwater. She opened the door and went out, José following her. Finally, Manila found Raja standing backstage. Raja nodded at her carefully, and Manila's heart soared with relief and pounded even faster. The sound guy adjusted her mic and then Manila walked out on stage into the bright lights and overwhelming cheers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour arrives back in the USA, but it's back to work far faster than anyone is ready for. Raja's concerns grow, and Manila is very tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: drug use and degrading language in this chapter

Raja was in an uncomfortable airplane seat, trying to sleep. They were finally flying back to the US, after the last shows of the tour in Madrid and Lisbon. Manila was curled up next to her, and Raja could vaguely hear the sound of _Love You To Death_ echoing through her headphones. Raja sighed. Ever since the kidnapping attempt Manila was attached to her like a limpet any time they were in close capacity. This was not supposed to be part of her job. 

But Raja couldn't deny Manila the presence she so obviously needed. Nobody else had noticed, except José, but he understood. He'd witnessed Manila's reaction in the aftermath in Barcelona. Manila didn't have anybody else right now. Well, when the news went public she'd received a sympathetic message from Shangela over Instagram, and Raja had observed Manila holding the phone close to her face and reading it over repeatedly. But that could only do so much. Once they hit the ground in L.A. Manila would be back with her mom, who would hopefully take Manila to a psychologist so she could work through it. Trauma was a bitch, as Raja knew far too well, and if left alone it could become very difficult to untangle later. 

So Raja let Manila rest her head on the her shoulder during the flight, and lean into her arm in the back seat of the car as José drove. And she tried not to notice the way Manila hesitated when Julia approached her with open arms.

-

"I'm back!" yelled Raja, closing the front door with a decisive shut. Raven rushed out of the kitchen, sliding on her sock feet, let out an excited shriek and wrapped her arms around Raja's neck. Raja pressed her face into Raven's wavy blonde hair and took a deep breath. Raven smelt like soap and salt and home and it was exactly, _exactly_ what Raja needed. 

"I missed you so much," sighed Raja, pulling back and giving Raven a kiss, "I'm hungry."

"That's good, cause I'm cooking," said Raven with a grin, "It felt like forever, I was considering leaving you for that hot produce chick at Whole Foods."

"Hey!" objected Raja, laughing and putting her bag down as Raven danced out of reach back into the kitchen.

Raja helped with the meal, until they were finally sitting across from one another at their small kitchen table. Raja ate slowly, partially due to her exhaustion and jet-lag but so she could just stare across at Raven. Manila was at her mom's condo for now, and Alex had said he'd call when he needed her back again.

"You told me something happened," said Raven, eyeing Raja carefully. 

"Yeah, the past there days were intense," sighed Raja. She hadn't explained what had happened in Barcelona to Raven yet, the idea of telling the whole story over FaceTime felt stressful.

And then she told Raven the whole story, including all of her frustrations and worries. It wound throughout their meal, and then while washing the dishes afterwards. Finally, Raven turned off the tap and sighed, flicking water off her hands into the sink. 

"That's a lot to take in. Is she okay?"

"I don't know," said Raja, as she put away the final plate and wrapped Raven up in another hug, "She'll get some time off now, and her mom will take her to a fucking therapist if she has like, basic human intelligence."

They moved into the living room to the couch, and Raja cuddled in next to Raven as she leaned over and took the glass water pipe out from under the coffee table. 

"Want to smoke?"

"So badly. I missed weed."

Raven located a mason jar full of weed, their own homegrown supply from Raja's plants squirrelled away in the basement. The last orange rays of sun were streaming in their window, lighting up the houseplants that decorated their living room in a lovely glow. Raja closed her eyes as Raven got everything ready, listening as she lit the lighter and took a long inhale. Exhaling the smoke she passed it to Raja, who took a hit as well, pulling the smoke deep into her lungs.

Her worries melted away as her body relaxed, and Raja put her head in Raven's lap and let her stroke her hair, resting as the sun went down. In the darkness Raja sat up, hazy, her head fuzzy and her skin sensitive. She brushed a kiss over Raven's lips, who responded, hands wandering to Raja's waist and pulling her closer. Touching Raven's skin made Raja feel soft and heady, a buzz coming over her body, starting from where their lips met and moving down into her core. Raja stood, took Raven's hand and led her to their bedroom.

It was good, _really good,_ to be home.

-

"So this is your schedule for the week-" announced Julia, barging into Manila's room and turning the light on. Manila broke into sudden alertness, jet lagged and confused. It was too soon for it to be morning. Manila sat up slowly.

"I uh, thought I was going to have some time off?" said Manila, as she got out of bed and stood before her mom in her pyjamas, arms crossed, squinting in the sudden light. 

"Yes, yes, of course, darling," said her mom, brusque, "You have tomorrow. But you're filming your music video Friday and over the weekend, so we need to get ready for that."

Manila blinked. It was Wednesday morning. She looked back at her bed longingly. 

"It's best if you get right back into your routine, Manila," continued Julia, "The contract is ready, and recording will start up after the video shoot. This is a key moment in your career. You'll be meeting with the producer and myself on Monday."

Monday was so soon. Friday was even sooner. How were they shooting a whole music video already? Who had decided that? Exhaustion was sitting in Manila's bones, as it had been since Barcelona. Even before that she'd been getting tired. The tour was a heavy, exhausting work-load and Manila was hoping for time to recover. Suddenly, weirdly, she longed for Raja's calming presence and wondered where she was. She must be home with her girlfriend. It was probably really nice wherever they lived, thought Manila wistfully. 

"Uh, sure, but Mom?" said Manila, as anxiety crept into her mind and her shoulders tensed, "I - what happened in Barcelona is still bothering me. Now that I'm home, I thought I might-"

"The incompetence of the security team is not your problem, Manila," said her mom, brusquely, brushing a strand of her hair aside, "They managed to do their jobs properly at the last minute to prevent the worst from happening. Really, they should be replaced, but Alex-" 

"I know, but I feel-"

"You bounced back fine, and now you need to forget about it and focus on your career," continued Julia, toeing a crumpled shirt on the floor, "And keep your room clean."

Manila nodded, giving up. Her mom left the room, announcing that Manila would be expected to be up and ready in an hour and half. Manila turned out the light and crawled back into bed. An hour and a half wasn't nearly enough.

-

Raja's phone rang Wednesday evening. It was Alex.

"I need you back Friday," he said, "She's doing a music video shoot-" he rattled off the location and time, "Pick her up from her mom's condo."

"Yes, I'll be there."

They finalized the details and Raja hung up, and then stood, staring out of their front window, worrying at her lip.

"Did he say a video shoot?" asked Raven from her seat on the couch, looking up from her laptop.

"Yeah, for Friday," said Raja, annoyed, "I can't believe they're making her work again so soon, you'd think they'd give her a week-"

"Who's doing makeup for it?"

"I'd like a little more time off too. I have things to do-"

"If you're working over the weekend I may as well too, what's your contact's number?"

"What?" asked Raja, finally tuning in to Raven's questions. 

"I said, what's your contact's number? They're going to need somebody to do her hair and makeup," said Raven conspiratorially.

"Oh right. Actually, that'd be great," said Raja, grinning, "Then we'll both be working."

Raja called Alex back and asked for some more details, including the names and contact info of the producers involved. Raven took all the information down and then made some calls. By the next morning she was on the list. 

-

Manila sat in the black swivel chair, spinning herself back and forth. People rushed in and out of the studio's dressing room. It was far too early on Friday morning. Manila was still jet-lagged, and noticed the dark circles under her eyes as she glanced in the mirror. Raja was standing by the door in her typical black suit, earpiece in, sunglasses on, noting those who came and went. Manila smiled at her in the mirror, trying to summon some enthusiasm. Raja gave her a quick smile back.

The video director came in and explained a few things to Manila, including the designs for the looks, which were mapped out in a folder. There would be five different looks in the video, a bunch of choreography and an outdoor scene to be shot in the desert on Sunday. The person with her first outfit came in and helped her get into it, then that person left and the hair and makeup person came in.

"Hi there," she said, holding her hand out for Manila to shake. Manila blinked, surprised. People didn't usually do that. Grateful to be acknowledged before this random woman went about touching her face, Manila returned the greeting and shook her hand. The woman was in her late thirties, curvy and pretty with wavy blonde hair that was currently held back with a clip.

"My name is Raven, by the way," she said, as the put her kit down with a smile, "I'm Raja's girlfriend."

"No way!" Manila spun in the chair, looking back at Raja who raised her eyebrows in response. 

"Mm-hm," said Raven, pleased, "Alright, let's get started." She glanced at the design for the first look and spun Manila's chair back towards her. "We've got a few looks to get you through today."

Manila let Raven begin with her foundation. This was actually Raja's girlfriend? Manila was curious and she desperately wanted to ask her questions, but nothing specific came to mind so she just watched Raven's face as she worked and wondered what her life with Raja was like. Luckily Raven chatted easily as she focused, and the makeup was applied quickly and efficiently. Raja added in a few comments, but mostly kept quiet by the door as was her job. Soon enough, Manila was looking at herself in the mirror, face contoured, dramatic blue eyeshadow and red lipstick. Raven did her hair, styling it into shoulder-length black curls. Manila looked far older than she actually was. 

"It looks amazing, thank you."

"You're welcome, honey," replied Raven, putting her things away.

It was time to go. Manila rose and eased her way into some blue heels for the video and walked out into the studio to film. Raja nodded to her and followed her out.

The shoot began. Manila did her choreography and mouthed the words and summoned her smile. It wasn't too bad, overall. She'd done this kind of thing before her tour. But it was hard work, and she still felt vaguely jet lagged. It might've even been fun if she had any creative control. Instead she pretended not to notice while the director took a break and snorted some white powder off a credit card at the back of the room.

"Okay, let's go again, places people! And… action!"

Manila glanced over at Raja. She'd like to talk to her, if they had any time alone. The kidnapping attempt hadn't even been a week ago. Her mom had barely asked her how she was doing, and dismissed it when Manila brought it up. Unconsciously, she stiffened and then tripped over her feet. 

"Cut!"

It continued like that all day. Mid-way through Manila went back to the dressing room, switched outfits and Raven put a new design on her face as per the specifications. Raven was clearly good at her job, and Manila wished she could be as well, that she could summon such precision. But it just wasn't in her today.

"Manila-" said the director.

Manila's hands were on her knees, breathing heavily after doing a vigorous choreographed group number for the eleventh time in a row. Eleven times in a row of failure. 

"You're still getting it wrong."

"I know."

"Well, try it again and then we'll do a take at another angle. Round it up, people!"

Then he went back to his assistant, who took the baggie with the white powder out again. 

"Hey, um," said Manila, following him into the corner, "Can I have some of that?"

They both stared at her. Then looked at each other.

"Just, you know… to get me where I need to be," added Manila, picking at her nails and flashing a smile.

"Sure," shrugged the assistant, measuring out a line on the credit card, "Anything to make this day go faster."

On the thirteenth effort, as her heartbeat increased and mood soared, Manila finally gave them the perfect take. Two hours later they ended for the day. Raja's face was carefully blank as she followed Manila back to her dressing room. Manila knew Raja noticed everything, and avoided eye contact with her. It wasn't like taking the white powder was bad, like Alex said it was something performers did. Manila was a performer, and despite her exhaustion she had to be at the top of her game. She just needed a little help to get there.

Finally it was over. On her way out Manila overheard two of the crew members talking, their backs to her, smoking cigarettes. She paused.

"-right, did you see how she asked for blow?"

"Coke habit already and she's what, fifteen? These teenage pop stars, man." He shook his head, "Would you fuck her?"

"Nah, she's barely got tits."

"I would. Get some more coke in her and she'd be easy-"

The first crew member chuckled. Manila hurried away, humiliated, her mood sinking. She walked over to the car, where Raja stood, waiting. On the drive back to her mom's condo, Manila listened to _The Raincoats_ on her headphones as loud as it would go and shut her eyes. She hated that people, that grown men as a matter of fact, looked at her and talked about her that way. And she had to go back and work with them tomorrow and the next day. She just wanted to sleep, to be anywhere else. To be someone else. Raja watched her in the rearview mirror, eyebrows drawn together.

-

The shoot went on for three days, and it was clear to Raja that Manila's heart wasn't in it. The teenager seemed anxious, irritable and whenever she lost energy she'd sidle up to the director's assistant and get a hit of cocaine off him. Raja didn't like it, but it wasn't her place to intervene. That was definitely Julia or Alex's responsibility but they came and went throughout the day, and hadn't noticed. Concern sat in Raja's stomach nonetheless. At least Raven was around. Raven helped pass the time, cutting eyes at the crew's antics and whispering her biting observations to Raja. But she smiled at Manila, and talked to her gently as she painted her face and Manila seemed calmer with just the three of them in the dressing room. Raja provided what very limited comfort she could.

They were out in the desert today, Manila doing something involving black lingerie that barely covered her ass, with a sheer cape that she was supposed to let flutter in the wind from some big fans they'd set up around her. It was hot, and Raven kept having to put extra powder on Manila's forehead and collarbone when the sweat began to show through. Luckily it was mainly solo shots.

Raja observed from the edge, sun beating down on her head. Manila was doing her best, turning her face to the sun and closing her eyes, parting her lips slightly as directed, the sheer cape billowing out behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading as always <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila signs the album contract that Julia had been negotiating while she was in Europe, and recording begins. Raja starts to wonder about the boundaries of her job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the suffering continues. this is a particularly intense chapter.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> TW: heavily implied sexual assault in this chapter. the scene cuts before it happens, but please proceed with caution.

The office was on the very top floor of some building downtown and the sun streamed in the windows. On the wall were framed album covers and art, each of a different recording artist. But they all seemed quite young, like Manila. The furniture looked expensive. Raja stood, as was her job, calmly by the door while Manila, Alex and Julia met with the producer for her album contract. The producer was a blue-eyed white man named Jason. This contract was the result of the deal Julia had negotiated on Manila's behalf while she was away on tour. He went over the contract and the recording process with them. A few lawyers appeared and then left after things were signed. As far as Raja could tell, it was a lot of legalese and very little regarding actual music-making. But understanding this contract wasn't part of Raja's job, so she allowed herself to slip into her mediative waiting state, keeping an eye on anyone entering or exiting the room. 

"-so we'll get her in the studio the day after tomorrow," concluded Jason with a charming smile. 

"I have some lyrics I was thinking about-" said Manila, taking out her phone.

"We have songwriters for that, Manila," he said, a note of condescension in his tone, "You just need to sing it."

"Oh, okay. Could we maybe push the start date, I'm-"

"Absolutely not," interrupted Julia, "We'll be there, Jason. Manila is grateful for the opportunity, but you know how teenagers are. We're looking forward to working with you."

Raja shifted slightly. Everyone was talking over Manila, or about her in the third person as though she wasn't there. Manila's face was drawn, lines of stress in her expression. She seemed unhappy. Not that Raja had any opinion on it either way. It wasn't her job to have any opinion on it.

-

"How have you been?" asked Raja, perhaps against her better judgement. They were in the car in the morning, on the way for Manila's first day of recording for her new album.

"Oh," said Manila, leaning forward in her seat with a smile, "I'm okay, I'm still pretty tired. But I'm looking forward to recording today! I really hope I can workshop at least one of the songs I've written. How about you?"

"I'm good," replied Raja evenly, negotiating a left turn at a busy intersection, "Glad to be back in town, and go home in the evenings. And have a couple days off every so often." She was working on and off with José. Neither of them were doing night shifts at the moment, since Manila was living at Julia's condo and the address wasn't known to the public.

"That's nice. I'd like to have some more time off, but you know…"

"Have you been thinking about what happened in Barcelona?" asked Raja, eyeing Manila in the rearview mirror, and her face fell at the question, looking down into her lap. 

"Yeah. But my mom said I should get back into my routine and just forget about it. It's fine."

Raja let out an exhale through her nose, frustrated. That was not the correct way to deal with a traumatic incident. But she didn't comment.

"I liked meeting Raven, the other day," said Manila, changing the subject. Raja smiled smugly and told her several embarrassing anecdotes about Raven. Raven would kick her ass if she found out, ideally in a fun way. Manila laughed aloud and seemed to hang on her every word.

They arrived at the recording studio and Raja flicked her sunglasses down, opening the heavy door for Manila.

-

The studio had a big sound board, with a window facing into the recording booth, headphones and a various types of microphones hanging from the ceiling. Everything was smooth and new, a step up from the studio Manila where had recorded her singles and her EP. Those old recording sessions felt like a hundred years ago now. Manila wore her favourite red pleated skirt for the occasion.

The producer, Jason, smiled at her. There was a bearded sound guy sitting at the sound table, headphones already on. Manila put her bag down on a chair and took out the folder with the music and lyrics. She was actually looking forward to recording today. Talking to Raja in the car had been comforting. Raja stood by the door, watching the room.

"You bodyguard can stand outside," said Jason with a casual wave of his hand, "I prefer to record with as few people as possible in the room."

"Oh, sure!" said Manila, and looked to Raja. Raja nodded a confirmation to her and moved until she was standing outside the doorway, the door stood open.

Manila sat down in the small space and Jason sat across from her, his leg just touching hers under the table. Manila read over the lyrics again and they spoke, Jason playing a few samples. Manila smiled, bobbing her head along. It was a catchy, upbeat tune. Followed by another one that was a heavier club beat. That was different from her usual style. Jason asked her a few questions and listened with an interested, indulgent expression as she talked about her inspirations and goals. He was patient and understanding, Manila liked him. 

"-anyway, let's get you in the booth," he said, clapping his hands together. Manila entered the recording booth, pulling the adjustable microphone down to the right height as Jason closed the door to the studio.

Manila sang the first few words, and she could hear the nerves in her voice. She paused, and took a few deep breaths. Jason was watching her, arms crossed, the corner of his mouth turned up. Manila motioned to the sound guy to start the track again. It was the first track, the catchy, upbeat one. Manila had a few ideas for lyrics stashed on her phone, and maybe she could bring them up later. She'd like at least one song on the album to really be hers. 

It went took a while, and and they made a few adjustments. Then they moved on to the next one. The lyrics were pretty suggestive, as Manila glanced over them again. No one had asked her if she wanted to do a song like this. But she supposed the intent was to change her public image, as she got older. That had happened with lots of other pop stars on the same career track as her.

"Manila," came Jason's voice, holding down the button so he could speak to her in the booth, "You sound off."

"Oh right, sorry!" She flashed him a charming smile. 

They lined things up and tried again. And again.

And again.

"Okay, why don't you take a break and come out," said Jason, beckoning to her through the window, "I don't think you're really getting the tone of the song-"

Manila nodded and pulled the headphones off. She could use some water, anyway. Maybe Jason would have some of that white powder that people always seemed to have with them. That might help. She came out and sat back down.

"So this track, Manila," explained Jason, gesturing. The sleeves on his button-up were pushed up, showing off his forearms. "This track is about meeting someone in a club. About seeing someone across the dance floor and wanting them, badly. So when people hear it they want to feel a certain way-"

Manila frowned slightly, she didn't like being talked down to. She wasn't a child. She understood what the song was about.

"-and they want to feel like you're feeling a certain way when they hear the song, right? Almost like they could be meeting you."

Oh. Right. Of course. Manila nodded, "Oh yeah. I guess I have to put that into my voice. I could go more like, breathy or something, that might help?" She glanced to the sound guy, who was fiddling with the dials. Jason's eyes followed hers.

"Why don't you give us a moment?" he asked, and the sound guy grunted an agreement, then got up and left. Manila caught a glimpse of Raja, a flash of her white shirt against her dark suit jacket. Still standing outside the door to the studio, a calm presence. The sound guy shut the door behind him.

Jason put a hand on Manila's shoulder, "Manila, I believe you could go far with this label. Your star is on the rise, and if we get this album right, you'll skyrocket. We're hoping for your career track to model Ariana's or Britney's, right? Just without the meltdown." He laughed. His teeth were very white. "It's not exactly something you can do on your own, can you?"

"No, of course not," replied Manila, suddenly worried, "I'm really grateful to be here!" She flashed a nervous smile, hoping he would understand that she was serious.

"So, you're going to have to get the tone of these songs just right," said Jason, giving Manila an encouraging, conspiratorial smile, "You know there are a thousand girls just like you out there, just waiting for their big break."

"I know, and I really want this-" tried Manila, nodding along. She believed him, knowing how lucky she was despite her exhaustion. If she wanted this she'd have to try harder, but she didn't have much left in her to give right now-

Jason's hand moved from her shoulder to stroke her hair.

"So, you've got to be willing to do whatever it takes," his voice was low, intent, "And show me exactly what you think it means to perform this song."

"Um, I-" Manila didn't know what to say. What exactly was he implying-

"You can trust me," he said, with a wink, and suddenly they were very close together, "I won't tell."

-

Raja looked over as the door opened. It was the end of the session. Manila's face was drawn again, she looked exhausted. Raja considered that perhaps recording took a lot out of her emotionally, even if it was less physically exhausting than performing live, or all-day video shoots. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Manila," said Jason, the producer. He sounded friendly, if a little slimy. But many of these music industry guys were like that.

"Yeah, bye," said Manila quietly, and she glanced at Raja but quickly looked away. 

Raja nodded to her and followed her down the hallway, out back to where the car was parked in the street. Manila was silent in the car, staring out the window, her headphones on. The volume was so loud Raja could hear the lyrics clearly from the driver's seat. It had to be hurting her ears. Raja looked at Manila again in the rearview mirror. Her face was blank, but her eyebrows were drawn together. Her fists were clenched.

Raja brought Manila up to Julia's condo, taking her to the door. Manila slammed it behind her without saying anything. Raja stood in the hallway for a moment. Then she turned and walked out of the building, going to her own car and driving home. 

-

Manila felt empty. The feeling did not go well with dance training.

"Manila," said the choreographer, snapping his fingers in front of her as she zoned out again, "Hey girl, pay attention. It's great to have you back but you're not focused. Come on now."

"Right, sorry Justin." Everyone needed her to do better, she needed herself to do better than this. But nobody at the dance studio seemed to have any of that white powder around. It usually helped her feel better. 

"Mm-hm, okay here we go, and one-two-three-four-"

Manila tried. She really tried. She cracked a few jokes and bounced around and tried to get her mood up and have fun and be in the moment and forget what had happened in the recording studio. It was supposed to feel good, wasn't it? But she could barely look at Jason now, and she-

"Manila!"

Her mom's voice, sharp, critical. 

"Yeah?"

"Pay attention, you think we have time for this? You don't want things to be-"

Manila glanced to Raja, who stood by the door while her mother continued ranting. Raja gave her an almost invisible nod. Manila sighed. And then she remembered the feeling of the hood over head in the van, people yelling, the noise of the tyre blowing out and the impact as the van hit the streetlight. Her heart beating fast and wanting to scream. Being thrown forward onto the floor and then the window smashed and then someone grabbed her arm and then Raja's voice, _Manila, it's me._

Manila sighed again, and looked back up at her mom. She pasted on a smile and kept going.

-

"I don't know, she seems off," said Raja. She looked over to Raven, who merely raised her eyebrows, having heard this before. They were at home on the couch in their living room, recovering from their respective long days at work. "It's like she's zoning out all the time. She hardly talks. Maybe she's just having trouble with the recording. I don't think they let her talk to a psychologist or anything when she got back, so maybe she's still anxious from the kidnapping attempt? Fuck, it was only two weeks ago-"

"Raja," said Raven, putting a hand on her arm, "Babe. You're going in circles."

"Sorry. It's just-"

"It's okay, I know you're worried." Raven's eyes were soft, and she sighed, "I just don't think there's a whole lot you can do about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to all the readers who have stuck with this story so far. there is light at the end of the tunnel, i promise!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila finally breaks under pressure. Raja attempts to pick up the pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> penultimate angst, my friends. i especially like the final scene of this chapter and i hope you do too.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: discussion of the sexual assault of a minor in this chapter. please proceed with caution.

Manila had the first interview since her tour in the afternoon and a live-to-tape performance in the evening. It was a break from recording, for which she was grateful, and it would be nice to see her musicians again. But she was still so exhausted. It was like her body couldn't relax anymore, no matter how much she willed her muscles to unclench, headphones on with _Tegan and Sara, King Princess_ and _Sleater-Kinney_ blaring in her ears.

Somebody, somehow, had leaked the address of her mom's condo on reddit. That meant there was increased risk, which was irritating. There had to be an adult with her at the condo at all times now, and when her mom wasn't around that meant Raja was there, standing just inside the door.

Manila desperately wanted to be alone, to just listen to music and lie perfectly still until she couldn't feel anything anymore. But she fixed her hair in the car, and went up into the tall building where she was going to having her interview. 

The interviewer was a cool-looking woman in her thirties with pierced ears and dyed-blue hair, and she greeted Manila with a handshake. Manila smiled and returned the greeting. Manila's makeup was good enough, her hair was good enough and her mom had picked out her outfit, which included the painful yellow performance heels. As Julia had predicted, she was becoming known for them.

Hopefully this wouldn't take too long. It was being recorded in the office of some music magazine but the video was going to be released online. Alex let her take a tiny bit of the white powder before she went in. It helped stave off the anxiety.

Raja stood by the door and Alex was in the room as well, typing on his phone. The camera guy began filming, and the interviewer began asking Manila questions. Manila did her best, keeping her mood upbeat, trying to be funny. The first few questions were easy and she found herself getting into the rhythm of it. This wouldn't be so bad.

"So," said the interviewer, smiling, "Your tour of Europe was hugely successful, but you did have an upsetting incident in Barcelona. Can you speak to that experience?"

Manila frowned, was she asking her about the kidnapping attempt? Out of the corner of her eye she saw Raja shift, watching them carefully. 

"Um, it was pretty scary," said Manila, with a little laugh, "Sometimes fans are a little too enthusiastic, you know?" She pasted on a smile and shrugged in a way she hoped was charming.

"How's your recovery? Have you added any extra security measures?"

"I'm fine," she said, "As for security you've have to ask my manager-" Manila looked over for Alex, but his head was down, looking at his phone. Julia wasn't here. Manila wasn't sure she wanted to answer questions like this.

"Mm-hmm, well, a lot of people are very interested in you," continued the interviewer, "You wouldn't happen to have a boyfriend, would you?"

Manila didn't want to answer the question. Glancing back over to Alex, she saw his retreating back as he left the room and the door shut. Shouldn't he be stopping questions like this? Her thoughts flashed briefly to Jason, and what had happened in the recording studio. But that wasn't- that was something else. She glanced at the camera, then away, and tried to breathe, tried to keep her neutral smile, but she couldn't-

"You've developed quite a friendship with Shangela, I hear, and she's openly bisexual. You wouldn't happen to be experimenting with that yourself?" asked interviewer, with a quick conspiratorial smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Don't ask me about that-" snarled Manila, trying desperately to keep her mouth shut before anything else tumbled out. The final straw was breaking her back.

-

Raja saw it as it was happening. The interviewer, perhaps without knowing it, was hitting every single one of Manila's anxieties. Manila's shell was cracking, her expression angry. The tone in her voice indicated tears at the back of her throat. And suddenly Raja knew that Manila was heading for a disastrous meltdown. The interviewer eyed her struggle hungrily. Any raw emotion Manila showed here would easily be manipulated, taken out of context or, god forbid, go viral. Alex was out of the room, not paying attention. And Manila wasn't bringing her defences back up, as she struggled to answer the deeply personal question. Raja made a decision.

Raja tapped her earpiece and stepped forward, using her most authoritative voice, "We have a security situation," she motioned to the camera guy, "Stop recording." He looked at her, confused for a moment and then hit the button. Manila gripped the arms of the chair, frightened eyes flicking between Raja and the interviewer. 

"Manila, come with me," ordered Raja, hand out. Manila rose from the chair and rushed over to her.

"Wait, what's happening?" asked the interviewer.

"We'll be taking the back exit," said Raja, and they left the room. Manila's breath was shallow, and she up and down the hall then looked back up at Raja, nervous. They followed the exit signs and eventually burst out of a door into an alley behind the building. Raja let out an exhale and led Manila around to the car in the parking lot. There was no security situation, of course. Manila followed her, confused. As Raja opened the back door Manila looked up at her, putting two and two together. Raja had made the decision to pull the plug on a potentially humiliating interview. That was very much _not_ part of her job. 

Angry, Manila threw herself into the backseat. 

Raja sat in the front and started the car, driving quickly through the traffic to Julia's condo. It hadn't been her place to intervene. But nobody else was going to help Manila. Raja just couldn't stand to witness her breaking down on camera in a room full of strangers.

In the back seat Manila had her knees up, with her arms around her legs like she was trying to hold herself together, literally. Stopped at a red light, Raja eyed her carefully in the mirror. Manila's expression was angry, but she was biting her lip like she was about to cry at any moment.

When they arrived at the condo Raja knew she'd been right about the meltdown. Manila was shivering in the air-conditioned hallway as she struggled with the key. But Raja couldn't leave her alone to calm down, because she's been instructed to stay.

-

"Go away!" snapped Manila as she stepped in the door of the condo. She couldn't breathe.

"You know I can't do that." Raja's expression was tight.

Manila was spiralling, she knew she was acting out, and her mom's voice played out in her head. _Don't be such a brat, everyone is looking at you. Sit up and smile._ Everything was being demanded of her, constantly, and nothing she did was ever, ever good enough. The interview had been a disaster, and everything she'd been holding in was spilling out over the top. And she had to perform in three hours.

Manila needed to unwind. To just lie down and rest, utterly still and alone. She wanted to drown everything out.

But Raja stood, calmly, hands clasped in front of her. Eyes flicking from the window to the door, attentive for threats. Manila's skin was crawling, her breath shallow, and she knew that she was about to lose it. There was only one target available.

"I hate you!" raged Manila, turning and pointing at Raja, "You made up some bullshit to stop the interview. That's not your job! You're fired! Get away from me! "

Raja just looked down at her, face blank, hands clasped in front of her. There were tears pricking at Manila's eyes and she turned, half-blind with rage. Some distant part of her knew she was ridiculous, that she was having a temper tantrum. _Control yourself, Manila, you think anybody's going to respect you if you act like a baby?_ But the echo of her mom's voice only made it worse. 

Manila reached for the nearest thing, a half-empty glass of water on the counter and hurled it at Raja as hard as she could. Raja dodged and the glass flew behind her, shattering against the door. But the rage hadn't left Manila, and she kept going, grabbing whatever objects were closest to her and throwing them at Raja. Her phone, her purse, a loose magazine; all were thrown in Raja's direction as Manila backed up into the kitchen. Raja caught or batted away the objects, taking steps towards her. Manila kicked off her stupid performance heels that made her feet bleed and threw them at Raja as hard as she could. Raja caught one and smacked the other to the ground. Sobbing, snot running down her face, Manila stumbled and fell to the ground. 

Raja stood over her and Manila curled up into a ball on the cold tile, hiding her face. Her body shook with sobs. Some distant, critical part of her mind mocked her behaviour. _Absolutely childish, stupid, ridiculous._ She couldn't do this anymore, why couldn't everyone just leave her alone, just let everything _stop,_ she wanted to sleep- 

Raja knelt down next to her. Manila opened her eyes and drew in a breath. She turned and looked up into Raja's concerned face, her dark eyes soft, compassionate. 

"You'll be okay," she murmured, "Come on, get up."

Manila sniffed and sobbed again. She knew that she had to get up off the floor, calm down and perform tonight. It was her job. Nobody would let her cancel. But she couldn't do it. That first horrible recording session from last week played again in her mind and she pressed her eyes shut. Why hadn't anyone been there to help her? Why had she decided it was okay for Raja to stand outside?

Raja sighed, and reached under Manila's arms, pulling her into a sitting position against the smooth kitchen cupboards like a rag doll. Manila wiped her face with the back of her hand, steadying her breath. Raja sat down next to her, leg long legs stretching out in front of her. Her black leather shoes reflected dully. Manila felt entirely wrung out.

"Why weren't you there, at the recording studio?" asked Manila.

Raja frowned, "I was right outside, where I'm usually stationed."

"You should've been inside. You should've been with me," muttered Manila, voice catching. She pressed the heel of her hand into her left eye, wiping it and smearing her makeup. Her face was probably a mess. _Fix your face, you'd be pretty if you tried harder._ Manila twitched the critical voice away.

"Why? What happened?" asked Raja, turning towards her.

Manila dragged in a breath. She couldn't say it. If anyone knew… 

Raja waited patiently. Manila shook her head and pressed her lips together. 

"Nothing," said Manila, "It's fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"I'm fine!" snapped Manila.

Raja leaned her head back against the cupboards and closed her eyes. Manila watched her. Raja's neck was exposed, and her curious tattoos just peeked out from under her collar. Manila knew they extended all the way to her hands, but she'd never asked about them and what they meant, if anything. 

"I hate that producer," muttered Manila, "Jason. I hate him. I don't want to work with him anymore."

"Mmm."

"But I'm in a contract," she sighed, "I have to finish the album, everyone wants me to… But I don't think I can do it."

"Why?"

"I, he-" Manila shifted, pulling her legs in and wrapping her arms around her knees. The shame rolled in her stomach.

"What happened?" asked Raja again, softly. Their arms were just touching, the smooth material of Raja's suit against Manila's bare arm.

"We were recording, doing a new song. It's about meeting somebody at a club or whatever. He said I didn't understand how to sing it right," said Manila, staring at the far wall. Maybe she could say it. Raja wouldn't tell anybody, that was part of her job. Raja hadn't said anything when Manila bought new shoes in Paris, or about her evening with Shangela in Berlin, or when she'd cried and clung to her in Barcelona. Manila knew Raja had signed a non-disclosure-agreement.

"I came out of the booth, and he asked the sound guy to leave. He said that I needed to be sexier or, or something, so I could perform it properly." Manila felt Raja tense. "And that I needed to get this album right. I need the label more than the label needs me-"

Manila paused, wiping her wrist across her eyes.

"I don't know why I answered, I should've just ignored him, but I wanted to do it right…" The words were tumbling out now, and Manila stared at her knees, "He told me I had to prove that I really wanted to be there. He asked me to touch him, and said that it would be okay. I don't know why I did-"

"Manila-" 

"Then he asked me if I wanted to know what it felt like, and that if I was going to record this song, I probably should. He told me to get on my knees… he kept touching my hair and I didn't want to but I did it anyway-" Another breath escaped her. Manila pressed her eyes shut, skin prickling with shame. "I didn't like it. I shouldn't have-"

"Manila," said Raja, her voice soft, pained, "It's not your fault."

"You were right outside," managed Manila, pressing her forehead into her knees, "I should've just left. Or I should've called for you."

"I'm sorry," whispered Raja, and then sat up and wrapped an arm around Manila's back. Manila leaned into Raja's side, face hidden against her knees.

-

Manila's confession had left Raja shocked and incredibly angry, her arm around the crying teenager on the cold kitchen floor of the condo. Raja was absolutely enraged to know she'd been right there, barely ten feet away behind a door while this horrible thing had happened. That had been a complete failure to do her job, a failure to protect- But Raja kept her face neutral, taking deep breaths and remained calm. She sat with Manila in silence until she seemed calmer.

"This is a crime, we need to report it," said Raja, shifting as Manila sat back up. 

"What? To who?" asked Manila, eyes wide, worried. 

"The police, Manila."

"No! I can't tell anybody, I have to finish the album, everything is riding on it-" her voice caught, and then tightened with fear, "You signed a non-disclosure-agreement, _you can't tell anybody,_ please-

Raja frowned, impatient, not knowing how to explain to Manila that the NDA was about controlling what she said to the press. She was not prepared for this, she didn't know how to handle it. But something had to be done.

"What he did was _assault,_ you were coerced," she said, firmly, "You don't have to keep working with him."

Manila was quiet, staring down at her hands curled up in her lap.

Raja sighed and then said, "There might be a way around if you really don't want to report it. You could change producers, or something-"

This seemed to get Manila's attention. She looked up. 

"I could tell my mom…" said Manila slowly, "She might help with the contract and everything? Maybe I can get out of it."

"Yeah, maybe." Raja did not think that would be particularly effective. They should be going to the police. But if Manila refused, well, it would just make things worse to attempt to report the crime if the victim wasn't ready. However, Raja didn't fully trust Julia to look out for Manila's wellbeing. But then again, Julia was Manila's mother, and she would do something about it if her kid had been hurt, right? Julia could be very forceful when she wanted to be, and Raja could only hope it would be in Manila's favour this time.

"Okay… " said Manila, softly, "I will, after the show. You'll be there with me?"

The hope and fear in Manila's eyes was heart wrenching. Raja looked away. How the hell had it come to this? But she looked back at Manila, and nodded anyway. 

"Of course."

-

If Raja had been angry before, that was nothing compered to how angry she was now. 

The live-to-tape show was fine and Manila did a line of coke with Alex backstage and summoned a smile from god-knows-where and sung her heart out with her band. Luckily it was a short five-song set. But it was obvious to Raja she was still distressed and exhausted. Raja was also, in fact, still distressed and exhausted. 

They were in the dressing room afterwards, and Manila was putting her things away. The room was tense. Julia was with them, going over a few things with Manila for the next day but mostly keeping her eyes glued to her phone. Manila had chosen to tell her mom, and Raja was there to witness it. Raja watched from her position by the door as Manila tried her best. 

"Mom, um, I want to stop the recording sessions," said Manila, unsteady. Raja pressed her lips together. This was going to be unpleasant no matter what, but Julia seemed particularly irritable today. She was already angry that Manila had left the interview partway through, but Raja had taken the brunt of it, wrangling some excuse relating to a perceived security threat.

"What? Why?" demanded Julia, looking up from her phone.

"I, I'm exhausted, I need a break," stuttered Manila, dodging the truth. 

Julia rolled her eyes and stepped towards Manila, "You just had a break. Recording is practically downtime for you, compared to touring. Don't be so lazy, this is your career we're talking about."

"I don't like Jason, I don't want to work with him, he-"

Suddenly Raja realized that this was a bad idea, that it was too soon. Manila couldn't bring herself to say it, even though they'd gone over it at the condo. Raja had told to Manila how to explain herself so she'd be believed. _Coercion, assault._ But Raja wasn't stupid; people didn't tend to believe it when pretty teenagers who did music videos showing skin complained about unwanted sexual attention.

Manila continued, eyes briefly flicking to Raja and back, "-he's um, creepy."

"What do you mean, _he's creepy?_ That's ridiculous, stop acting like a child, Manila. Get it together!" Julia's voice was harsh.

Manila shook her head, "The recording isn't working right now, can I work on song-writing? Or, or-"

"Don't talk back. Absolutely not," said Julia, stepping forward, pointing at Manila, "I didn't spend all my time and money getting this album contract for you to squander it just because you _don't like_ the producer-"

"You never listen to me!" snapped Manila, in a surprising show of attitude. Raja's hope rose, maybe Manila could do it. "I'm not doing it anymore! It- I don't want to and if you won't listen I'll talk to Alex about it-"

"You brat! You think you can go behind my back?" snarled Julia, with malice. In the span of a blink, Julia raised her hand and slapped Manila across the face, hard. The sound rang out in the small room. Manila's head snapped back with a yelp.

Raja's instincts kicked in. In seconds she'd moved across the room, and grasped Julia's wrist as she raised her arm again.

"Ma'am," said Raja in her most professional, toneless voice, gripping Julia's raised arm like a vice, "You're assaulting the client."

"Get your hands off me, you fucking dyke!" shouted Julia, wriggling against Raja's grip, her face twisted. Manila's eyes were unfocused, and she held a hand to her cheek, which was rapidly turning red.

Raja didn't let go of Julia's wrist while she moved her towards the door. Julia was spitting curses at Raja and threats at Manila. Raja got her out of the room and shut the door, locking it. Then she slowly turned back to Manila. 

Manila had collapsed into a chair, staring at the wall. 

"Are you alright?"

"I can't believe she hit me…" Manila's voice was quiet, dazed.

"You don't deserve this," said Raja, "Any of it."

Then Raja sighed, running a nervous hand over her tightly braided hair. It was entirely possible she shouldn't have intervened in a parent-child interaction. That was not part of her job. But then again, she was supposed to protect Manila from all physical threats, and in that moment Julia had been a physical threat. But the bigger problem remained, because Manila hadn't actually told Julia about the assault. That needed to be addressed as soon as possible. Raja tentatively approached Manila and rested a hand on her shoulder. Manila sighed and leaned into her arm, eyes blank, too shocked to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raja experiences repercussions for her actions and Manila presses on with the recording sessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no good deed goes unpunished.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: threatening interaction with a sexual predator in this chapter, no further assault but proceed with caution

Raja couldn't deny she'd been expecting it. 

After the incident with Julia in the dressing room Raja drove Manila home to the condo. Julia hadn't returned, and Manila walked like a ghost, wandering into her room and going to bed immediately. So Raja stood by the front door, as was her job when Manila was home without her mom. Alex called, asking her to come to his office for a meeting as soon as possible. When José showed up for the night shift Raja left, driving down to Alex's office. It was late and the building was mostly empty, the fluorescent lights illuminating the hallway.

"Raja, thank you for meeting with me," said Alex. They both stood awkwardly in his messy office. Then he paced, moving back and forth across the short room. Raja watched him, silent, hands clasped together in front of her.

"I've been informed that you intervened in an interaction between Julia and Manila earlier tonight."

"That's correct."

Alex sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Yeah, you can't do that. That's not in your contract."

"Julia was assaulting the client," said Raja calmly, "I treated it as I would any other situation."

"It wasn't assault, it was just parent-child discipline," replied Alex, harsh, "You interfered inappropriately."

"I didn't believe my action to be inappropriate."

"This is a fireable offence."

Raja let out a slow breath through her nose. This most recent interaction with Julia was merely the last on the long list of grievances Raja had with her, and with Alex, and with everyone who had pushed and manipulated Manila to the point of an almost-public meltdown and a sexual assault confession that _Raja had to do something about_ because Manila's safety was her responsibility, even though she was restrained by her contract and apparently _every goddamn adult around the kid wanted to hurt her-_

"Julia does say," continued Alex, "That if you formally apologize to her and promise not to intervene in any other parent-child disciplinary action that _it is her within her right to administer,_ she'll withdraw her complaint against you."

"My contract stipulates that I protect Manila's physical safety," maintained Raja, cynically unsurprised by Julia's audacity, "I fail to see where I was incorrect."

"Julia said-"

"Julia isn't my employer, you are," said Raja, holding eye contact with Alex.

Alex ran his hand over his head. He looked drained. Raja held no sympathy for him.

"You can apologize and it'll all go away, you'll keep your job. You're just a bodyguard. Why the hell do you care?"

"I don't believe I behaved inappropriately, or in a way that warrants an apology," repeated Raja, pointedly.

"Fine! Fine then!" exclaimed Alex, slamming his open palm against the wall in frustration, "Congratulations Ms Gemini, you're fired! Don't go anywhere near Manila again, and you'll get your fucking severance package next week."

-

"Raja, what the hell happened?" hissed José from his position outside the condo door as Raja approached, "I just heard from Alex you're fired?!"

"'Inappropriate conduct,'" muttered Raja, shaking her head. 

"What? How?"

"Julia slapped her and I intervened. Apparently that's inappropriate."

José inhaled sharply, nostrils flaring, "That's fucked."

"I know."

"So it's just me now?"

"They're bringing in someone else soon."

"So he's got me doing the night shift and the day shift-"

"I know."

They looked at each other for a moment. Raja liked José, they worked well together and he didn't deserve this bullshit. Her heart was bitter. At the same time, they glanced at the condo door. 

"Listen," said Raja, under her breath, "Don't leave her alone when she goes to her recording sessions, okay? Stay _inside_ the studio, keep eyes on the room-"

She paused as somebody walked by. José was frowning at her, concerned. Raja didn't have much time.

"Tell her goodbye from me," continued Raja, "And I'm sorry about this shit. And…" she sighed, "If she ever needs anything she can call me."

"Yeah, I will."

"Thanks. Good luck." They shook hands and nodded to one another. Raja proceeded down the hallway to the elevator, clenching her jaw and glaring at her blurry reflection in the stainless steel as the doors gently slid shut. 

-

It was time to go.

Manila looked into the mirror one last time. There was a reddish mark on her cheek where her mom had disciplined her last night. Manila covered it as best she could with foundation. Manila knew she hadn't explained herself properly and Julia had just misinterpreted it, which was why she'd been so upset. Maybe she could try again, but for now she had to keep recording. She tried not to think about it, pushing the sick feeling down in her chest. Her mom just wanted what was best for her. And Manila _should_ finish the album, she _should_ try as hard as she could.

As Manila gathered her things for the day, she hoped that by some miracle Jason wouldn't be in the studio. But if he was, Raja would stay in the room this time and the producer wouldn't try anything. If he did, well, Raja would be there and she'd make it stop.

She opened the door and José was standing there. 

"Morning," he said tightly.

"Where's Raja?" asked Manila, "I thought she was working today?"

"No, Alex let her go last night."

"What?"

"She's been fired."

"For what?" demanded Manila. She couldn't breathe. The events of last night flashed through her mind, Julia's contorted face, yelling. The slap. And then Raja, gripping her mom's wrist before she could hit Manila again and throwing her out of the room. 

"'Inappropriate conduct,'" said José, shrugging his big shoulders under his suit jacket, "The car's down outside," he motioned with his head, "Gotta get you to work on time, yeah?"

Manila stared down at the floor in shock. Was Raja really gone? The sick feeling rose in Manila again, sitting at the bottom of her ribs. José glanced down the hall impatiently.

"I, uh, sorry," said Manila, shaking her head, "Yeah. Let's go."

José nodded and led the way down the hall. They got in the car in the parking garage under the building, quiet. José drove through L.A. traffic, taking the now-familiar route to the recording studio.

"Did she say anything?" asked Manila, watching José's reflection in the rearview.

His eyebrows lowered a little. He looked tired and almost concerned. But it might've just been from the traffic.

"Yeah," he sighed, and relayed Raja's message.

Manila nodded, stiff. Her breath caught in her throat.

-

Several days had passed since Raja had been fired. Manila found herself counting them. One day, three days, a week. Manila felt deeply alone. Julia apologized for disciplining her, explaining away the outburst and buying her some new clothes. They didn't discuss it again. Manila spent what little spare time she had listening to music with her eyes closed. She tried to make herself absolutely still, so she couldn't feel anything at all. Time passed easily like this, blasting her favourite music, upbeat, happy and innocent, and trying to shut off any sensation from her body, any thoughts in her mind.

But recording had to continue. 

Manila went loyally every morning with José and sometimes with Raja's replacement, Seth. Manila didn't particularly like him, but there wasn't much to like or dislike about him. Seth was a huge, silent white guy; a wall of muscle. 

Manila finished the last high note, letting it ring out in the recording booth. 

"No, no-"

Manila sighed. Something was wrong with what she was doing, of course. 

The producer, Jason, smiled at her through the glass, with crossed arms. His white teeth glinted in the low light. Manila looked down, she hated making eye contact with him. She hated having his eyes on her at all, it made her skin crawl. Manila pushed the feeling down and tried to make herself numb, professional.

"Manila, you're just not hitting it right."

Suddenly the door to the recording booth opened he walked in. Manila took a step back. 

"Ah, don't look so scared," said Jason with a smile, walking over to her and reaching out, running his hand up and down her bare arm, "You can do it. You've got to hit that note. We talked about this."

Manila nodded, trying to step back again. But she couldn't go much farther back in the small space. Her eyes flicked to José who stood by the door. He frowned slightly, making eye contact with her through the glass.

"If you still don't get it, you can stay back and talk to me after, without all these people around," he said, making a little motion with his head towards the window where the sound guy sat, headphones on, eyes down, and José watched by the door. Jason's expression was intent, dominant, "You'd like that. You liked it the first week."

Manila was frozen, staring down at the floor. He squeezed her arm. She should say something, she should signal to José, or, or-

"Don't act so nervous, come on now."

Manila looked up and made eye contact, giving him a small smile and nodding. 

He let her go and stepped back, opening the door, "We'll move on to a different song. Hit that note, Manila!"

When the session was over Manila rushed out of the recording studio as quickly as possible without being rude. In the car with José she stared out the window, feeling sick and numb. José eyed her in the rearview mirror but didn't say anything. 

-

Raja tried not to let herself worry about Manila. There wasn't anything she could do, she reasoned, she'd done her best in the moment with what she had. Manila had confessed to her what had happened and Raja had at least told her the correct terms to use to describe it. And hopefully somebody, anybody, would believe Manila when she spoke up. It was up to her to look after herself.

But it shouldn't be. The thought wormed itself into her brain every time Raja tried to talk herself through it. It shouldn't be like this. Manila needed somebody to stand up for her, and Raja had failed to do that in a way that would actually make a difference.

Raven hadn't had any suggestions when Raja explained to her what had happened with Manila, and her subsequent firing. Raven just sighed deeply and dragged her hand down her face, looking at the wall. And agreed that there wasn't anything Raja could do if Manila refused to report it to the police. She sighed and rubbed Raja's back when she talked about it again, speculative and worried.

Raja got work at the local mixed martial arts studio and she trained and taught, keeping up her skills and pulling in some income. Another bodyguard position would come up soon, but she needed a break in the meantime. 

The severance package from Alex was generous, and Raja knew a bribe when she saw one.

Raja vaguely hoped Manila might call her, and that she could offer her some form of comfort or advice. But there was nothing from the teenager but radio silence. It didn't stop Raja from worrying about her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila tries to address her problems in the only way she knows how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo-boy writing this has been a time and a half my friends. thanks to all readers who have stuck it out so far :) get ready for more angst, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: discussion of sexual assault of a minor in this chapter, and subsequent victim blaming. proceed with caution.

"Well it's not my problem that Wednesday doesn't work," argued Julia into her phone. 

Manila sighed, and pushed ahead of her mom into the office. It had been three weeks since Raja had been fired. They'd arrived early for some kind of planning meeting at Alex's office. Manila stood, arms crossed, waiting. Julia rolled her eyes, motioned at her phone and left the office, closing the door with a click.

Manila looked around. It was fairly messy, which was typical of Alex. She glanced out the window that looked over the alley. Her shoulders were feeling tight again and Manila leaned her head back, trying to stretch her neck. 

A drawer labelled _personnel_ hung open on one of Alex's many filing cabinets. Manila glanced at the door, Julia was still talking into her phone outside. Manila peeked in the drawer. The files were labelled in Alex's messy scrawl. One said _security._

Manila flipped through the papers. It seemed to be mostly resumes, pay stubs, documents.

Raja's name caught her eye. Manila glanced back at the door again and then pulled the document out. It was an official-looking piece of paper with white and grey squares full of numbers. Manila scanned it quickly, but she couldn't figure out what it meant. Something to do with taxes, maybe. But Raja's name was at the top, with an address underneath.

Folding the paper as small as it would go, Manila tucked it into her bra and double-checked the outline of her reflection in the window. It was smooth, no one would notice. Alex's office was enough of a mess that he'd probably assume he'd misplaced it, if he ever went looking.

The door opened and Julia came in, followed by Alex. Manila did her best to look neutral. They all sat down and the meeting began. 

-

"Well it's not my fault you're terrible at your job," snarled Manila at Seth as he fumbled slightly with the door before holding it open for her. It was a normal human mistake, she knew, but rage was building up inside her again.

"Don't act like that!" snapped Julia, just behind her, "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing!" 

Manila stomped into the recording studio. Her mood had been swinging violently between numb despair and desperate rage, which she was taking out on Seth, because he was new and always took it silently. Manila didn't like it, but she couldn't seem to control it. Why are you such a brat, get your act together, be professional. Jason hadn't arrived yet and Manila leaned against the wall and let out a long sigh, trying to calm herself. It didn't help. Nobody was giving her any of the white powder anymore, and she wanted it badly. Exhaustion and anxiety ate at her.

"I'll be back at the end of the session," said Julia, typing into her phone and turning to leave.

"No! Mom, could you please stay?" asked Manila. Seth had already stationed himself outside the door, and Manila couldn't bring herself to ask him to stand inside after snapping at him. Manila had successfully held off any further advances from Jason by making sure she had somebody in the studio with them each time they recorded. Usually it was José, who ignored Jason's snide suggestions that he was _impeding the artistic process_ and only responded to Manila. Manila thought he might suspect something, but there was no way to address it.

"Why? I have things to do."

"Um, I think it'll go quickly today, and then it'll be faster to go get lunch after and, and talk about that wardrobe thing, then I can go to my dance class?" justified Manila, quickly. She needed her mom to listen to her. She couldn't be alone with Jason.

Julia eyed her, almost suspicious. Then she smiled.

"Sure. I can do most of my work from my phone anyway."

"Thank you!" said Manila, relieved.

-

Manila left the recording studio as she always did, pushing down the horrible ill feeling that gripped her stomach. Jason had been particularly touchy today, what with Seth outside the door and Julia turned away, her focus down on her phone. Manila didn't want to make a scene so she let it happen, knowing, humiliated, that he was thinking about what he had her do that first day when they were alone in the studio together. He kept making little insinuations about bringing her up to his office sometime. Self-hatred rolled in her stomach. She should be yelling at him, pushing him away, or doing _something._

Dizzy, Manila paused in the hallway, her hand against the wall. She couldn't do this anymore.

"It didn't go that quickly," muttered Julia, glancing over at her, "You're making a lot of mistakes, Manila. You need to focus. You think we have the budget to just record indefinitely?"

The rest of the day sped by, and finally they were home. Manila had been mulling it over all day, debating whether she should tell her mom about what had happened with Jason. Julia would help her if Manila just made sure she phrased it right. It was the evening and Julia sat in their immaculate living room where everything was clean and new and barely lived in. Manila approached, steeling herself, and sat on the firm leather couch across from her.

"Mom?"

"Yeah?" Julia was looking down at her phone.

"I need to tell you something."

"What?"

Manila looked down at her knees. This was going to be painful, reliving the experience with Jason, again. But she had to do it. Julia would understand, and then she'd do something, have them change producers or studios or even record companies. Raja had understood, and Raja didn't even know her that well. Her mom would understand if she phrased it right. _Assault, coercion._

"I don't think I can record with Jason anymore."

"What is it, why?" demanded her mom, lip curling.

"He-" said Manila, staring at the floor, "The first time we recorded he like, hit on me? He asked me to touch him and-"

"What did you do?"

Manila's breath caught in her throat. The words vanished, and she mumbled, "I um, you know-" she motioned vaguely at her mouth, her chest tight with shame, "I did it."

"Why would you do that? You stupid, stupid child, why didn't you leave? " hissed Julia, stepping forward and gripping Manila's shoulders, "You think you can act like a slut and people will take you seriously? No. You're lucky he'll still work with you at all."

Manila stared up into her mom's furious face, shocked and ashamed. She hadn't explained it properly.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"No. But-"

"Good. We can contain it. I can't believe you would do this to me," said Julia. She stood up and paced, her red hair flipping with every turn she made, gesturing angrily, "That's why you want to stop recording? Because what, you're embarrassed? You should be, we have a reputation to uphold! No, no you'll go back. We're finishing this album, this is your _career,_ Manila-"

"Mom, I didn't-" Manila's voice broke.

"You were wearing that skirt, weren't you? The red one?" interrupted Julia, "My god, teenagers and their fucking hormones. That's why you were acting so weird, wasn't it. You were trying to tell me about this, when that bodyguard we fired laid her hands on me. Right? I thought so. I knew we never should've hired her-"

Manila tuned out the rest of her mom's rant until it was done. Something inside of her was cracking apart.

"I love you darling, but you made a mistake. We'll fix it," said Julia, her voice gentle, encouraging. She crouched in front of Manila and patted her shoulder, "I suppose you do need a break. You can have the next two days off, I'll clear your schedule. But after that you'll keep recording, you have a contract to complete. Apologize to Jason if it comes up, tell him it was a mistake. Don't you dare do it again. We've come too far for you to mess this up now."

Julia kissed the top of Manila's head. Then she turned and left, walking out of the immaculate living room, already on her phone. Entirely numb, Manila got up and walked to her bedroom, sitting down on the bed and staring at the floor in the darkness.

-

When Manila awoke it was still dark out. She was in her clothes from the day before, having fallen asleep on top of her bed covers. Cold, she shivered, curling her knees in to her chest. The humiliating events of the night played out in her mind. 

Something was poking into the edge of her chest. She frowned and reached inside her bra, and took out the folded up piece of paper. The one with Raja's name and address, and possibly private tax information. Raja hadn't blamed her for it, when she'd told her what had happened with Jason. Raja wanted to get her away from him.

_It wasn't your fault._

-

"Hi Dad!" chirped Manila into her phone the next morning. 

Her dad returned the greeting, and asked how she was doing. Manila lied in response, keeping her voice happy, perky, "I was wondering if I could come out to your place for a while? I haven't seen you since the tour!"

"Well sure, when were you thinking?"

"Today?" said Manila, grimacing to herself. It had to be today.

"Today? I'm working but you can just go to the house, you still have a key. What does your mother think?" he asked, sounding vaguely confused. 

"Uh, Mom gave me the day off! I'm supposed to get at least three days a month with you, right… for the custody agreement?" pushed Manila, "I definitely missed the last two months." It had been a brutal divorce when she was eleven, and her dad had received the short end of the stick. He also didn't tend to do much to exert his right to three days with her, because arguing with Julia was like arguing with a hurricane.

"Yes, that's true," he agreed, "Okay well, I'll see you later, darling. You have a ride over here?" 

"Yeah, I have a driver. Thanks, Dad!"

They hung up. Manila breathed out a sigh of relief. She wasn't going to go back to the recording studio anymore, it simply wasn't going to happen. Quickly downing a granola bar, she took a breath and called her mom. 

"I'm going to go to Dad's today-"

"What? Don't run off while I'm dealing with your mess."

"The agreement is that I have to spend three days with him a month, right? I haven't been over there since the tour and I wouldn't want him to bother you about it, Mom." Manila shut her eyes, hoping her ploy would work.

"Right," muttered Julia, apparently placated, "That judge didn't like me. You can go for your two days off, it'll keep him off my back. I'll be back to pick you up tomorrow."

"Okay. José can drive me-"

"Great, sure," said her mom, already distracted. They hung up. Manila gathered up her things and put them in her backpack. This was going to be over, she'd explain the situation to her dad and he'd definitely help her out. The terrible recording sessions would end, and she'd live with him from now on. It would be better than being in the condo, constantly under Julia's thumb.

José greeted her with a grin and a terrible pun. Manila laughed and then told him where she needed to go.

-

Manila stayed at her dad's place all day, relaxing in her room. The space didn't have much personality, since she was hardly ever there. She thumbed over the novels she used to love as a pre-teen. Her dad was a mild man who worked doing something indecipherably complicated with software engineering. He spent most of his time in his 'office,' adjacent to the living room. People always said that he and Manila looked alike. 

They ate dinner at the big dining table, and Manila told him all about the tour. The good parts, that was. It was so nice to be away from everything and to have quiet time. To not have her mom around. 

"Manila, I should tell you," began her dad, "I have a girlfriend."

"What?" said Manila, frowning.

"Her name is Shauna," he said, taking his phone out and showing him a picture of a smiling woman, "We met at a conference in San Diego last year. She's a software engineer too, and she has a daughter who's about nine. They're going to move in here soon."

Her dad sounded happy, a smile on his face. Manila's heart dropped, and she felt viscerally, incomprehensibly jealous of Shauna and her child. 

"Why didn't you tell me about her before?" asked Manila, hurt. She stabbed a piece of broccoli with her fork.

"You've been so busy, I didn't want to make you more stressed out."

"Okay, well," managed Manila, "That's nice. I'm happy for you." She didn't want to bring it up now, but she supposed she didn't have a choice, "But I was hoping I could move in here for a while?"

"Really?" he looked surprised. 

"Yeah, I'm having a hard time… with Mom, and everything. She doesn't leave me alone, I'm working all the time-" Manila struggled to explain it. The constant exhaustion, the sick feeling that sat in her chest-

"Manila," sighed her dad, shaking his head, "I know she can be difficult, but you need to be patient with her. She just wants what's best for you-"

"No she doesn't!" cried Manila. She knew she was being a brat again, but she couldn't figure out how to rationally express it. Things were shifting out from under her. Cold anxiety edged into her mind.

Her dad leaned back in his chair, "What do you want me to do? I only get three days with you a month, and she was arguing for full custody-"

"I- just let me stay here, please?" begged Manila, "While I figure things out with her. We're doing this recording and the producer-"

But she hesitated, staring at her dad. He wouldn't defend her from her mom, she was realizing far too late. Would he have the same response as Julia had had, if she tried to tell him about Jason? Would he just blame her, too?

"Look, Manila," he said, putting his hands together on the table, "You're just going to have to find a way to get along with her, but you'll be alright. She's your mother, she loves you."

Manila sighed and looked down at her plate.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila makes a desperate decision and Raja deals with the fallout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of The Suffering comes to an end.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

Manila spent the night and the next morning wandering around her dad's house, restless. Her stomach was slowly filling with dread, as she knew her mom would be by to pick her up sometime in the evening. Manila tried to push the feeling down. But she couldn't do it anymore. It was all too much; the horrible recording sessions, the endless dance and voice practice, the performing, the constant work, feeling sick, numb and angry all the time. Jason's threatening presence loomed in her mind. On top of it all she was alone with no one to talk to who'd actually listen. Maybe on the way home they'd get hit by a transport truck and she just wouldn't have _think anymore-_

But no, José was an excellent driver, unfortunately.

Her dad wasn't going to help her. Manila swallowed down that bitter betrayal, because she'd really, really hoped he would this time. He was working from home today and he'd retreated to his office, quietly ignoring her. Manila stayed in her room and tried to distract herself, putting on music and pacing. She took out the folded paper with Raja's address and tax information and stared at it. An idea formed. 

"Hey, Manila," called her dad softly, knocking on her door. Manila stuffed the paper back into her bag before he entered the room. "Your mother will be here to pick you up in an hour."

"Okay."

Her dad hesitated, lingering in the doorway, "You can come by anytime, you know, any of the three days a month that we get. Even once Shauna moves in."

It was too little, too late. Manila nodded vaguely, and her dad closed the door and padded back downstairs. 

She had an hour.

Moving quickly, Manila transferred some extra clothes from her closet to her backpack. Her essentials were already in it. But most of her stuff was still at her mom's condo.

But then she remembered something. There was a little box hidden in the back of her closet that was supposed to be for jewellery but Manila had never kept anything like that in it. Instead, she'd stashed any spare cash she had, all throughout her childhood. She dug through the closet, found it and dumped it out on her bed, counting the bills and shoving the coins into her backpack.

It came to about eighty-five dollars.

Okay, it wasn't much but it was something. Manila looked at her phone, she had just over forty minutes though Julia might be late. Then she exhaled slowly and opened up the Uber app on her phone, ordering the ride to an address a street over. It was her own Uber account but it billed to her mom's credit card. Julia would notice the transaction if she checked, but as far as Manila knew her destination wouldn't come up on the transaction record. Or so she hoped.

Her dad was in his office with the door open. But the angle of his desk meant he wouldn't see Manila pass by the door. She snuck down the stairs with her backpack and quietly put on her shoes. Soft music drifted out of the office doorway. Manila crept past, and made it through the kitchen to the back door. She opened and shut it, very quietly. 

The pool sparkled in the sun and Manila moved around it to the garage and snuck inside. The musty, metallic smell hit her nose and she went through to the far door and out into the alley. The Uber notification dinged in the phone. There was a gap between the houses across the alley. Manila squeezed between the garages and then through the hole in the fence. It was narrower than she remembered, memory flashing back to her childhood, out playing with the neighbour kids. But she managed to fit, tugging her backpack through behind her. Finally, she burst out from between the two houses to the Uber waiting in the street. 

Opening the back door, she threw herself in the seat and gave the man the address. He nodded and then paused, looking at her in the rearview mirror. Manila shoved her sunglasses on, hoping he wouldn't recognize her, and looked down at her phone. But the man didn't say anything, glancing to the GPS and moving out into the street. 

"It'll take about an hour with the traffic."

Manila nodded, took out her headphones and plugged them into her phone.

Settling on _The Con,_ Manila let the opening bass line play out into her headphones. The anxiety was settling in her stomach. Julia was going to be really angry when she eventually arrived to find her gone. Resting her head against the window, Manila closed her eyes. 

-

The Uber pulled away and Manila looked up at the one storey stucco house with the green-painted door. The neighbourhood definitely wasn't fancy. There was a rusting out car in a driveway a couple doors down. Across the street an old lady on her porch eyed Manila suspiciously. Manila double-checked the address on the paper. This must be it. She walked up and knocked on the door. Anxious, she glanced behind her. The ride had taken about a hour, and the sun was starting to set. There wasn't anywhere else to go.

"Hello?" The door opened. It was Raven, Manila realized, recognizing her. Raja's girlfriend.

"Oh, hi," said Manila, "Is Raja here?"

"No, she's out," said Raven, cocking her head to one side, "Manila, what are you doing here?"

"I just, I'd like to see Raja?" said Manila. This was her last-ditch effort, and Raja wasn't even home? Manila couldn't go back to her dad's house, where her mom would inevitably find her. And she didn't know anybody else.

Raven gave her a considering look, taking in her tired eyes and her backpack. The setting sun behind her. Then she stepped back and opened the door wider, "Come in, honey. She's at the gym, she'll be back in about half an hour."

"Thank you," said Manila, and stepped inside. She toed off her shoes and followed Raven into the front room. There was a couch draped with a pretty striped blanket, a faded recliner and house plants on every available surface including several hanging in the window. A TV in the corner, and a messy coffee table in front of the couch. Raven quickly cleared away a few items from the table, including an odd, colourful glass vase, a lighter and a jar full of some dried plants. Manila sat down carefully on the couch, putting her backpack next to her. 

Raven stood back up, brushing her wavy blonde hair out of her face. Her outfit was extremely casual, just a soft low-cut shirt and leggings. Manila looked away awkwardly, feeling tense.

"Would you like some soda?" asked Raven.

Manila shook her head. 

"Water?"

"Yes, thank you."

Raven retreated to the kitchen. Manila heard the tap running. Raven returned with two glasses of water and sat in the chair by the side of the coffee table, watching Manila carefully.

"You remember me, right? I'm Raven, Raja's partner-"

"I remember you," said Manila quickly, "You did my makeup for the music video."

"Yeah, I did."

Raven attempted to make small talk, but Manila couldn't really engage given her anxiety so she looked around the room instead. It looked relaxed, lived in, and there were so many plants. She was almost curious to see the rest of the house. But not as anxious as she was to see Raja.

"So," said Raven, fingers tapping against her legs awkwardly, "Were you just in the neighbourhood or-"

Manila's phone rang, interrupting her, the loud ringtone echoing out of her backpack. Manila sighed and closed her eyes. It would be Julia calling.

"Do you need to take that…?"

"Um, no, it's probably just my mom," said Manila, hoping that didn't sound too awkward, "I'll put it on silent, sorry."

"No need to apologize."

Things lightened a little when Raven got up and went into the kitchen, returning with a plate of orange slices and putting it on the coffee table in front of Manila. Manila hadn't realized she was hungry, and ate them quickly. Her fingers were sticky and she wiped them on her shorts. Her phone sat silent, face down on the couch.

And then, finally, the door opened.

"Hey babe," Raja called as she shut the door, and Manila's heart beat fast in her chest at the familiar voice, "I want Chinese takeout, how about you? Also, I'm so _fucking_ annoyed about the parking at-"

"You have a guest!" said Raven quickly, glancing over at Manila, who by some weird instinct found herself standing. 

"Oh, really? Is it Carmen-" said Raja, coming around the corner to the living room. She stopped dead and dropped her bag to the floor. Manila's heart leapt, hammering in her chest.

"Manila? What are you doing here?" asked Raja, brows drawing together.

Manila moved around the coffee table, eyes on Raja's face, speaking quickly, "I'm really sorry, I found your address in Alex's file. I- I should've called you, but-"

"No, it's okay," said Raja, concerned, "What happened?"

Manila stopped a few feet from her. Raven glanced between them. Manila wanted desperately to reach out and hug Raja, and be comforted. Raja was dressed more casually than Manila had ever seen her, wearing sweatpants and a loose tank top, her long grey-streaked hair up in a top-knot. Manila felt suddenly, absurdly, embarrassed.

"Um, I," said Manila, voice shaking. She lapsed into silence, looking down. 

"You ran away," stated Raja, bluntly. Manila nodded, tears pricking in the back of her throat. She pressed her hand to her mouth, trying not to make a noise, but she could feel herself breaking down, right here in Raja's plant-filled living room, where she should never have come, she shouldn't have imposed, she should have just been quiet, shut up and taken it, but she _couldn't take it anymore-_

"Hey, it's alright." And then Raja was next to her, wrapping her arms around Manila and pulling her in. Manila pressed her face into Raja's shoulder, shaking. Raven stood up and moved past to them, touching Raja's back and leaving the room. 

-

Raja led Manila back to the couch and sat her down. Manila dried her eyes, having cried into Raja's shirt, again. But Raja barely noticed, given the weird intensity of the situation. Raja sat next to her, leaning forward, elbows on her knees.

"You can stay here tonight," she said quietly.

Manila nodded. Her phone buzzed, face down on the couch.

"Is that Julia?" asked Raja.

"I dunno. Probably."

"Okay."

"I've been ignoring her calls, but I should probably answer…"

"You don't need to do anything."

The phone buzzed again. Raja sighed, her safety instincts were kicking in. If Julia didn't hear anything from Manila that would mean she was technically missing and Julia would contact the police. But it was likely Julia wanted as few eyes on them as possible, so if Manila did answer she'd probably try to track her down on her own. That would buy them some time.

"Can I see your phone? I'd like to disable your location services, and I promise I won't send anything."

Manila tapped in her passcode, and handed Raja the device. Raja quickly went into the settings and disabled all the tracking, location sharing and other geotagging that she could.

"I think you should send her a message," said Raja firmly, "Tell her you're still the city and you're staying somewhere safe for the night."

"I don't want to talk to her."

"Sending the message will probably prevent her from calling the cops."

"She'd do that?" asked Manila, eyes wide. Then the understanding seemed to click, and she nodded. Raja handed her the phone and Manila typed out a message, showing it to Raja before hitting send. Immediately there was a barrage of messages back, and Manila handed the phone back to Raja like it was hot. Raja looked over the ever increasing series of demanding, vitriolic messages and turned the phone off, putting it face down on the table. Raja steepled her fingers, staring straight ahead. Things had just become very, very complicated.

There was a moment of silence, and then Raven appeared at the edge of the room, phone in hand, "So… I'm gonna order us some takeout real quick."

-

Dinner was pretty awkward. There was Manila, sitting uncomfortably at the end of Raja and Raven's small kitchen table. It had taken Manila a moment to warm up to the unfamiliar food, and the setting. Raven was calmly making conversation, but Raja knew her well enough to tell she had a hundred questions under the surface. It was one thing to interact with Manila while they were all at work, fulfilling their respective professional roles. It a was another thing entirely to have her in their house. 

When they were done the plates were cleared and washed and the remaining food was put away. Manila went back to her spot on the couch and sat, picking at her nails. Raja watched her from the recliner. It was Raja's weed-smoking chair, but that wouldn't be appropriate tonight.

Usually, reflected Raja, Manila would be looking at her phone, scrolling through her Instagram or wearing her headphones and listening to music. But her phone lay where she'd left it on the coffee table face down. It was dark, and the cicadas were singing outside. Raven tactfully retreated to the bedroom with her laptop. 

"What happened today, before you arrived?" asked Raja.

"I was at my dad's place," said Manila, staring at the coffee table. "He said my mom was coming back to pick me up and I didn't want to go with her. So I ordered an Uber to the street over and snuck out the back door."

Raja nodded, but she got the sense that wasn't the entire story.

"And now, um, I'm here. I'm sorry if this is weird," said Manila, and she looked at Raja, her face pained, "I got your address from the personnel file in Alex's office. We were there one day and the drawer was open, so I took it-"

"You don't need to apologize-" began Raja, but Manila was already opening her backpack and taking out a folded piece of paper, handing it to Raja. Raja took it somewhat awkwardly and unfolded it. It Alex's copy of Raja's T4 form, for filing income taxes. And it had her address in the top corner. Well, then.

"I was worried you might be upset, since this is like, where you live," said Manila, quickly, "But José said you said I could call-"

"It's all good," said Raja, cutting off Manila's anxious talk. It'd been over three weeks since Raja had been fired, and she wanted a clearer picture of what had happened to Manila between then and now. "What happened before you went to your dad's place?" 

"Um," said Manila, looking down. She looked like she might cry again. "Like," her voice caught, "Like a few things-"

"You don't need to tell me now," cut in Raja, "We can talk about it tomorrow, if you want."

"Yeah."

"I see you met Raven, again?" said Raja quickly, changing the subject. 

"Yeah, she let me in. It was kind of awkward," said Manila, with a small smile, "She asked me if I wanted soda."

Manila notoriously didn't like anything carbonated, recalled Raja, returning her smile. The moment sat between them and suddenly Raja felt overwhelmed with responsibility. Looking after Manila's safety as a bodyguard was one thing, but… having her here on her couch, as a teenager who'd run away from home? Raja let out a breath, keeping her face calm. 

"We have a spare room, you can sleep there," said Raja, and she got up, leading Manila to the small room in the back of house where they kept a fold-out futon and stored random stuff. Manila put her backpack down and helped Raja move a few bins and things to the far end of the room. Then Raja folded down the couch and got some fresh sheets out of the closet. Manila tentatively sat down on the bed and looked around the small room. 

"Do you need anything?" asked Raja, scratching the back of her neck. She was trying to make this less weird. But it was still weird. 

"I don't think so. What should I do with my phone?" Manila's eyes were worried.

"I'll just leave it charging in the kitchen," said Raja, putting her hand out. There was no need for Manila to be on the receiving end of Julia's harassment all night. Manila handed the phone to her and Raja pocketed it. 

"Our room is over there," Raja gestured vaguely, "And uh, bathroom's right next door."

"Okay." Manila looked forlorn, fiddling with her headphones.

And then Raja had a brilliant idea. 

"I'm gonna get something," she said, and went over to her bedroom, opening the door. Raven looked up from where she lay on the bed with her laptop.

"Do you remember where I keep my old iPod?" asked Raja, lifting up items from her cluttered dresser top, "She likes to listen to music, but she's nervous about her phone right now, I thought-" 

"It might be in the closet," said Raven, an amused expression on her face.

"Oh, right," said Raja, seeking out a box on the high shelf. There was a bunch of stuff inside, momentos and old tech she didn't use anymore. At the bottom was her old iPod, with the charger and a pair of scraggly earbuds. "I found it. Thanks, babe."

Raja went back to the room where Manila was staying, iPod in hand. She knocked on the door and heard Manila call softly for her to come in.

"Here," said Raja, handing Manila the iPod, "There's a ton of music on it."

Manila's look of confusion was quickly replaced by one of amazement. 

"Is this yours?" she asked. 

"Yeah, my old one, I don't use it anymore."

"And it's got all the music you like on it?" enthused Manila, and Raja suddenly felt a bit awkward, realizing how unusual this was for Manila. Adults didn't tend to share personal things with her. She vaguely recalled how thrilled Manila had been by the list of albums Raja had written down for her on the airplane. That felt like a long time ago.

"Yeah, knock yourself out."

"Thank you!"

"No problem. Goodnight."

Raja closed the door, left plugged in Manila's phone in the kitchen and retreated to her own bedroom. She flopped on the bed next to Raven, and pressed her face into the pillow with a tired groan. 

Raven put her laptop on the bedside table and said, dryly, "We have a runaway teenager in our spare room."

"I know."

"What are we going to do about that?"

"I don't know."

Raven lay down, easing her body under the covers and putting an arm around Raja's back.

"We'll deal with it in the morning," murmured Raven. Exhaustion was hitting Raja, and she let her eyes fall closed.

"Love you."

"Love you, too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first few days at Raja's house are totally weird, but Manila tries her best to get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone is trying their best. shoutout to anyone who's still following this madcap story <3

Manila awoke to bright sun streaming in the window, illuminating several houseplants that crowded the windowsill. Rolling over, she blinked and looked up at the unfamiliar ceiling. Oh right, she was sleeping in Raja's spare room. 

She got out of bed and changed into some clothes from her backpack, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Manila opened the door and peeked outside. There was the noise of movement from the kitchen, the far end of which was only a few steps from the spare room.

Raja was sitting at the kitchen table, phone in hand, sipping a mug of coffee.

"Uh, good morning," said Manila, quietly, hovering in the doorway. This was weird. 

"Morning. You sleep okay?"

"Yeah."

"It's twenty after one in the afternoon," said Raja, amused, "You slept for sixteen hours."

Manila blinked in shock. She never, ever slept that long.

"Okay. Can I have breakfast? Or I guess it's lunch now?"

"Sure," said Raja, "You don't need to ask permission." She stood from the table and showed Manila where things were in the kitchen. Manila got a bowl of cereal and a glass of water and sat down across from Raja. She ate, waking up slowly. Anxiety was creeping back in. Manila always knew what was happening on any given day, it was always all planned out for her. There were no plans in place today. Anything could happen.

Manila sighed, finishing her cereal and pushing the bowl away from herself. She supposed she had to look at her phone now. Raja eyed her as she reached for it, putting her own phone down. 

Manila took a deep breath and unlocked her phone. There were twenty-seven missed calls. Mostly from her mom but also from her dad and Alex and even one from José.

Then she opened the text messages. They were almost all from Julia.

_Where the hell did you go? You can't just run away, where are you?_

_ANSWER YOUR PHONE I pay this bill for a reason_

Manila frowned and scrolled through several others that were similar. And then the tone changed.

_Manila, darling, please tell me where you are everyone is so worried about you_

_You're really hurting me when you ignore me like this._

_Please, darling we're all so afraid and worried, don't you love us?_

Guilt coiled in Manila's stomach. Maybe she should call her mom back... 

_I'm going to report this to the police if you don't-_

_How dare you ignore me you useless brat, I'm going to find you, we have a contract-_

Manila didn't bother to finish reading, and put the phone back down and sighed, chewing her lip. Then she handed it to Raja, who read through the messages, eyes darting back and forth across the small screen. Her eyebrows drew together. 

"I'll screen capture these," said Raja, tapping Manila's phone, "I can send her another message like you did last night, just saying that you're safe."

Manila nodded vaguely, trusting Raja to communicate on her behalf. She looked out the window into the back yard. It was short, mainly cracked pavement and dirt, with a gnarled-looking small tree. There was a raised area just out the window with two chairs and a table with an overflowing ashtray. There were plants in pots of various sizes, distributed around on the ground and on stands in an organized chaos that Manila couldn't follow. There was a decrepit garage at the end of the yard, and the alley beyond that.

-

The text messages in Manila's phone had exceeded Raja's expectations, in terms of the sheer vitriol and manipulation displayed. She was sure the voicemails would be worse, but Manila hadn't bothered to listen to them. Raja typed out a very calm and simple message; _I'm staying somewhere safe, and I won't be coming home tonight._ She showed it to Manila who nodded, and Raja hit send and put the phone back down on the table. It remained on silent mode. Manila could check it later when she was ready. There was moment of silence. This was still weird.

"Can I get a new one?" asked Manila, looking back at Raja.

"A new phone?" replied Raja. This seemed out of left field.

"Yeah, I don't want that one anymore. I don't want my mom to contact me."

"Well," considered Raja. They would have to keep the cell phone, to keep track of Julia and contact her if need be. "You can get a burner phone, if you really want. Can you afford it?"

Manila looked confused, "I have some cash, but... "

"Sure, but you have your wallet, right, your debit card and everything."

"I don't have a debit card."

"Did you lose it?"

"No, I don't have a bank account," said Manila, "My mom handles everything."

Raja blinked and then answered very carefully, "Alright, but what about the profits from the tour?"

"I mean it's my money," replied Manila, frowning, "But it's in my mom's account, because she pays for everything for me, so-"

They stared at each other. Raja kept her face calm. Of course. Julia had had Manila under such heavy control that she didn't even have her own bank account. Which meant she had no access whatsoever to any of the money she'd earned, and nothing at all to show for the thousands of hours of work she'd put in. No wonder it had been next to impossible for her to leave, or protest her treatment, or do anything independently at all.

Raja changed the subject and rose from the table. Manila seemed fine and mentioned wanting to shower, so Raja left her to it and went down to her tiny home gym in the basement to beat the shit out of a punching bag.

-

Raja mentally rehearsed a series of questions for the teenager. Working out had cleared her head. There was something about kicking the shit out of something, whether a sparring partner or a heavy bag, that always made her feel better.

They convened in the living room. Manila sat on the couch, and Raja sat in the recliner, just as they had when she'd arrived the night before.

"So," said Raja, deciding just to cut to the chase, "Before you arrived last night you were at your dad's place, waiting for you mom to pick you up and then you decided to leave. Did anything else important happen before that, after I left?" 

"Not much. I was really upset when Alex fired you, I only found out from José the next morning," said Manila, nodding slightly, "I just kept doing what I was doing before. Recording, too." Raja nodded, keeping her face blank. So, Manila had been back in the recording studio.

Manila looked up tentatively, "It didn't happen again, um, what I told you about with Jason. When José was working he stayed in the studio with me, even when Jason asked him to leave. You told him to do that, didn't you?"

"Yes," confirmed Raja, "I spoke to him before I left."

"But you didn't tell him why?"

"No details. Just to stay with you."

Manila nodded, looking down and picking at her nails.

"What else happened?" continued Raja.

"I tried again to tell my mom about Jason," said Manila quietly, looking down at her knees, "But I didn't explain it like you told me to and she said it was my fault. That I shouldn't have worn my red skirt, because I'm- because it was slutty, or something. And that I had to keep working, and to apologize to him if it came up."

Raja didn't allow any reaction to show on her face.

"I didn't know what to do," sighed Manila.

"Manila, listen to me," said Raja, leaning forward in her chair until the teenager looked up and made eye contact, "What happened was not your fault, even remotely. You didn't ask for it. You have nothing to apologize for. He's a predator and he should be behind bars. You won't have to see him again."

Manila nodded, still looking tense and hesitant. Raja leaned back, hoping desperately she could keep the promise, and waited for Manila to speak. Seconds of silence ticked by, as Manila frowned, thinking. 

"I don't want to go back," she said, looking at Raja with wide, earnest eyes, "My career, it- everything is- it's just... I'm tired, and I feel crazy. I don't want to be a musician anymore, or famous, or anything. I just want to be like, a normal person." She paused. "Can I live here?"

The question was blurted out so quickly Raja almost missed it. She blinked. And then recognized the seriousness of Manila's choice to run away. It wasn't just a temporary measure, or some misplaced teenage rebellion. It was a desperate leap into the unknown, done on the single hope that Raja might be there to catch her.

"Yes, of course," replied Raja against her own cautious instincts, suddenly filled with irrational panic, "You're more than welcome to stay."

-

It seemed to Manila like Raja needed a break, because she got up from the chair and vanished into the back yard and stayed outside for a long time. Manila was also feeling a bit drained from the conversation, and wandered around the house. She really wouldn't mind living here, she thought to herself. It was small, and a bit messy, but she liked the living room with the couch with the blanket and all the plants. There really were a lot of plants. It was like a totally different world, compared to her mom's perfect condo and her dad's big, boring house.

There was an absolutely lush and resplendent aloe plant in a huge terracotta pot in on end table, against a little space of wall between the living room and the bedroom door. Manila admired it for a moment, it had beautiful stripes along the thick leaves. Had Raja really grown this-?

But then Manila noticed a framed photo hanging just above the plant. It was Raven, her blonde hair tied back, standing on a small stage with a smug grin on her face, holding the exact plant sitting below the picture with the terra-cotta pot propped on her hip. There was a big blue prize ribbon on the pot in the picture, with gold lettering that said _Best Aloe - First Place._

Huh.

Manila quite liked the plant, so she got her phone and sat down in front of it, lining up the selfie so that that the limbs of the aloe radiated out from behind her head like the sun. She snapped a few versions of the photo and saved them to post to her Instagram later. 

Manila was still anxious, of course, but she tried to ignore the feeling. Raja had said she could stay here, but it wasn't… permanent or anything. Yet. Manila desperately hoped it would be. She had no idea what would happen, but she knew that she had to hang on to freedom as hard as she possibly could, and she absolutely would not go back to Julia, and her overworked, exhausting old life. Her escape had been lucky, and if she went back she knew she'd never have another chance to get away. 

-

"She wants to live here?" said Raven, blinking. The day had sped by quickly and Raja and Raven were in their bedroom, getting ready to sleep. Raja was explaining the conversation she'd had with Manila earlier, detailing the timeline and and what had led up to Manila's choice. Manila was quiet in the spare room. 

"Well, yeah," managed Raja, running an anxious hand through her hair, "I'm not sending her back to that shitshow-"

"Obviously."

"This is going to be complicated," stated Raja, "I need to make sure she's safe, right, and get her mom to leave her alone and keep her away from that fucking producer. But we're in a tenuous position-" Raja had done some legal research, earlier, "Apparently 'harbouring a runaway child' can lead to being charged with a misdemeanour, which is just a civil charge, but-"

Raven hummed and bit her lip, "Well, she's not their property. And we're not keeping her here against her will."

"Julia's going to come after us when she finds out, knowing her. We can't lie about her location if we're asked directly, otherwise the whole 'harbouring' law thing kicks in… "

"If anyone tries to fuck with us we'll give as good as we get," shrugged Raven, getting in bed and rolling on her side to face Raja, "And maybe she'll decide to go back if things change."

"I don't think she wants to go back. I think she's ready to burn all her bridges."

"Well, she's also fifteen," said Raven, "Everyone wants to burn down the world when they're that age. She may not feel the same way forever."

Raja sighed, and got into bed next to her. Raven was putting it all very simply. It was anything but simple.

"Babe," murmured Raven, rubbing Raja's arm, "Don't worry. We'll figure it out. You're getting all stressed over things that haven't happened yet."

"You know me too well."

"Yeah. Also, now that there's a teenager in the house it means we're gonna have to have sex real quietly. Ugh."

Raja let out a laugh and rolled her eyes, "At least you've got your priorities straight."

"The opposite of straight," purred Raven, rolling on top of Raja and capturing her mouth in a kiss.

-

Over the next couple days Raja found herself carefully observing the two other women that occupied her house. Particularly Raven, to see how she was adjusting to Manila's presence. Raja had a pre-existing rapport with Manila, but Raven had only ever met her once. Raven seemed comfortable enough around Manila on the surface, but the disruption to their life in the form of a traumatized fifteen-year-old pop star appearing on the doorstep had left them both off-kilter. Whenever Raven became awkward or uncomfortable around Manila she'd go into the kitchen and come back out with a plate, usually containing orange slices, which she'd put in front of Manila and walk away. This didn't seem to bother Manila, she usually just ate whatever it was and then brought the plate back into the kitchen. 

But Raja decided to say something about it anyway. 

"Babe," said Raja in a low whisper, sneaking after Raven into the kitchen and watching her slice up yet another orange, "You keep giving her fruit. I don't think she needs it."

"Oh. Right." Raven paused, knife in hand, frowning slightly.

Raja waited for a further reaction, but Raven just shrugged and continued what she was doing. "She's eating it isn't she? She's probably Vitamin C deficient-"

"You can't just put fruit in front of her every time you feel awkward-"

"Look," said Raven, turning to Raja, "I'm adjusting, don't get on my back about it. You're doing weird things too."

"No I'm not-" Raja was sure she'd been very calm and normal.

"Yeah, you are. She follows you around like a shadow, and you're acting all vigilant around her like you do at work," said Raven, gesturing, "And then you hide from her in the yard. So don't tell me that what I'm doing is weird, we're both figuring it out."

With that she turned decisively and walked out of the kitchen, a plate of orange slices in her hand. 

"Manila, honey, you want some oranges?"

"Uh, sure?"

Raja put a hand to her temple and sighed. This was going to take some getting used to. For everyone involved.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are still awkward, but everyone is trying their best. Julia re-appears, Raja and Raven attempt to figure out what exactly the teenager who appeared on their doorstep needs from them, and Manila does her best to settle in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned into a 4.7k beast so... buckle your seatbelts lol. apologies for the late updates, i've been having trouble with the pacing of this and the next couple chapters, so i hope it flows okay? anyway, my thanks to anyone who's still reading this, hope you all are doing well :)  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

It was Saturday morning, which apparently meant grocery shopping. Manila tagged along because she had nothing better to do and found herself in the vegetable section, vaguely following Raven while she navigated with the cart, criticizing the state of the produce.

It had been a few days since Manila had arrived at Raja's house. It was still awkward, but Manila found herself relaxing finally, after so many months of stress. She occupied her time by listening to music, taking naps and reading. That and she'd just hang around while whatever Raja did while she was home, which included housework and cooking and checking emails and watering the plants and working out. Raja would leave for the gym where she worked in the afternoons. Julia hadn't stopped calling and sending messages, but Manila muted the notifications and only checked them twice a day.

"-these are barely ripe. Anyway, do you want anything?"

"Oh," said Manila, looking up. Raven had spoken to her, casually over the cart. Raja was at the other end of the section, approaching with a five-pound bag of oranges. "Uh," she looked around, "Maybe… baby carrots?"

"Sounds good."

They proceeded, and Manila tried not to be too awkward. Manila hadn't been to a grocery store like a normal person in ages. No one seemed to have recognized her either. She kept her sunglasses on, and her hair tied back. 

But it did happen, in the pasta aisle. There was a man, maybe in his mid-forties, looking at her. Manila kept her gaze down and made to move past him.

"You're Manila."

She looked up. "Yeah. Hi." 

But she really didn't feel like talking to anybody. Anxiety curled in her stomach. Irrationally reminded of Jason, she stepped back, but there wasn't anywhere to go in the narrow aisle.

"Wait," he said, fishing around in his pocket, "My daughter is a huge fan, would you mind signing something-"

Manila didn't particularly want to. But she should probably just be nice and do it-

A hand settled on her shoulder and Manila flinched, but it was just Raja, who replied in her work voice, "She's not signing anything today, we're just grocery shopping. Thanks for understanding."

He frowned, "Well, can I at least get a picture-"

"No," said Raja firmly, putting an arm around Manila and turning her away from him. They walked back down the aisle to Raven, who hadn't noticed the interaction. Manila glanced back. The man moved on, continuing with his shopping like nothing had happened. And nothing had, she supposed.

"You alright?" asked Raja, voice low. 

"Yeah," said Manila, adjusting her sunglasses, "That was just a fluke, I think." This was L.A. after all, it was full of people far more famous than her. But it was enough to make anyone a little cautious.

"Good," said Raja, nodding and turning to the pasta shelf, "So, I like the bow-tie shaped noodles, how about you?"

"I like macaroni-" answered Manila, happy for the distraction.

"We're getting whatever's on sale," said Raven decisively, rolling her eyes at them and taking a package from the shelf.

-

It was easy for Raja to consider what was happening with Manila from merely a bodyguard's perspective. The priorities were keeping her comfortable, secure and away from those that threatened her. That had been relatively simple when they were on tour and there was some professional distance between them.

But that distance was gone, and it left Raja on edge as she watched Manila in the rearview mirror while they drove home from the grocery store. Was she supposed to be some kind of parental figure now?

Instead of addressing it, she hauled the groceries into the house and crouched by the fridge, putting the food away. Manila came in behind her, trying to help but quickly realized she didn't know where anything went, so Raja tried to show her where things were kept. And then Manila wandered away into what Raja was already thinking of as 'her' room, and shut the door. 

Raven turned to her, "We need to talk logistics. She's been here a few days and she needs stuff."

Raja agreed vaguely, balling up the grocery bags and shoving them into the one giant bag they kept on the back of the door. 

"What's she going to do during the day?" continued Raven, "She has to go to school, or something. And she only arrived with a backpack, she's wearing the same shirt as the day she got here."

Raja crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter. 

"So, she needs to go to school, and get some new shirts," said Raja, nodding, "But my most pressing concern is figuring out what Julia's first move is going to be, and then countering it."

"And you want her to wear the same clothes for days until you figure that out?" replied Raven pointedly, a hand on her hip. Raja hesitated. She knew Raven's body language quite well at this point, and a hand on her hip meant she would not backing down.

"It's not like she can't do laundry-"

"I'm gonna take her to the mall and she can get some extra shirts and underwear or whatever she needs for now," said Raven, ignoring Raja's justification, "She's got money, right?"

Raja realized that she hadn't told Raven about Manila's financial situation. She quickly explained it, and a look of shock and anger came over Raven's face. 

"What the fuck, she has _nothing?_ Her mom got everything she earned? What kind of a sketchy set-up-"

"I know," interrupted Raja, shaking her head.

Raven pursed her lips, "Fine. But she still needs some clothes. We'll pay for it. Maybe you can take her back to her mom's place and she can get her things-"

"It's not safe yet." 

They both fell into silence. Manila was in her room, most likely listening to music or napping. The exhausted, overworked teenager took a lot of naps, which frankly made it easier to have her around, because it gave Raja a break. Manila had been at their place for four days. The two adults moved to the living room, where Raven lounged on the couch and Raja paced, restless.

"What do teenagers need, babe?" wondered Raja aloud, "What did you want when you were her age?"

Raven looked thoughtful for a moment, and then laughed to herself, "Jesus, I don't know. Liquor for field parties?"

"Unhelpful." Raja rolled her eyes. 

"Okay," said Raven shifted on the couch, and continued in a more serious tone, "I had two jobs for most of high school. I barely did homework, dealing with my mother who was drunk off her ass half the time. We used to get into these screaming arguments. I wanted that to end. And I wanted my own car instead of having to share the truck with my twin brother. Oh, and I wanted to fuck all the cheerleaders." She chuckled. "I was busy."

"You were such a redneck," teased Raja.

"Not everyone can be as cool as you," said Raven, "What did _you_ want?"

Raja closed her eyes, trying to sink back into her memories from twenty-two years ago, "I barely remember. My parents were always fighting, I was stressed out as hell. I used to stay out all night to avoid it, going to punk shows with Carmen, crashing on her couch, hanging around the skate park. Barely did schoolwork, I was failing everything… then I joined the military, because it seemed like a way out." 

Raja opened her eyes and continued pacing while Raven watched from the couch, eyes soft.

"Teens like skateboarding, right?" contemplated Raja, "Maybe I'll get her a skateboard. Or, I hear _Fortnite_ is a thing…?"

"Why don't you just ask her what she wants?" replied Raven.

"Well, I-"

"I mean she might not even know," said Raven, contemplatively, "She's been doing her music thing forever, right? Does she have any interests beyond that?"

Raja paused in her pacing, recalling her time with Manila on the tour, and since. Manila had hardly had any down time with the tight schedule laid out by Julia. Other than listening to music, Raja had very little idea of what the teenager liked to do.

"The main thing is that we keep her away from anyone with coke," stated Raja, "Seriously. That shit is so addictive and people just kept giving it to her. Do we need to worry about that if she goes to high school? Do teenagers still experiment with hard drugs or was that just me in the late nineties…?"

"That was just you, she'll be fine," said Raven, grunting quietly as she got back up off the couch, and touching Raja's arm as she walked past her, "All we have here is weed, we don't even have a liquor shelf for her to raid. I'm gonna go do some laundry." 

-

But the day passed quickly, and Raja planned to call the local high school on Monday to ask questions. It was early evening, Raja and Manila were sitting in the living room, occupied with their phones and Raven was watering the plants at the back of the house. 

There was a loud, aggressive knock at the door. Raja leaned over and glanced through the curtains, which were slightly open at such an angle that she could see the front step. The figure at the door had a familiar profile and dyed red hair. It was Julia. Raja reacted instantly, rising from the couch and dropping into her professional mentality, considering the angles of sight.

"Manila, go into the kitchen."

Manila looked up, confused, having recognized Raja's work voice. But she listened, glancing behind her in confusion as she slipped into the other room. The kitchen was invisible from the doorway.

Raja paused behind the door and took out her phone, hit voice record and then shoved it in her bra. She schooled her face into neutral and opened the door.

Julia glared at her. 

"Hello Julia-"

"I know she's here."

"Who?" asked Raja, raising her eyebrows.

"Manila, who else?" snapped Julia, leaning forward and trying to look past Raja into the house.

Raja leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms, taking her time to reply. There was an empty, unfamiliar car parked in the street. Apparently Julia had come alone. Mrs Gonzalez on the porch across the street eyed the doorstep confrontation. Raja nodded to her, then looked back at Julia.

"I fail to see how that's my problem."

"You can't keep her," said Julia, "She's mine by law, I have custody."

Raja held her gaze and didn't reply, wanting nothing more than to slam the door in Julia's face. But that wouldn't be to Manila's benefit. Raja knew to stay calm and play the long game.

"Manila!" shouted Julia, trying to look around Raja, "Get out here right now, I am taking you home! We have a contract-"

"This is harassment."

"I could sue you," spat Julia, pointing at her, "I could have you thrown in fucking prison, but you'd probably like that wouldn't you-"

Raja didn't allow her expression to change. Her calm demeanour only made Julia more incensed.

"Get her out here now or I'll come back with law enforcement!"

"You're acting inappropriately," stated Raja, straightening and glaring down at Julia, "Get off my property."

Julia let out an angry breath, shot Raja a look of pure disgust and then retreated, calling over her shoulder. 

"You'd better lawyer up! You can't keep my own daughter from me."

Raja watched Julia until the car was out of sight. Then she closed the door and stood for a moment, gathering herself and stopping the recording on her phone. That had been unpleasant. She walked into the kitchen, where Raven and Manila were standing, tense, leaning against the opposite counters. Raven was frowning, but Manila looked afraid, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

"Is she gone?" asked Manila.

"Yeah."

"How did she find out I'm here?"

"I don't know," sighed Raja, mentally listing through the possibilities, "Maybe she-"

But Manila gasped. Raja glanced at Raven and then they both looked at her. 

"I posted something on Instagram…" whispered Manila.

"What, about this?"

"No, it was just a selfie with a plant in the background, I thought my followers would notice if I stopped posting regularly," said Manila, swallowing, "I think Instagram tagged the name of the neighbourhood? I didn't even think-"

Raja sighed again. Unfortunately social media apps were notorious for location tracking. Raja had attempted to undo all of that in Manila's phone, but the app itself likely had the locations settings automatically active. If Julia had seen the name of their neighbourhood she'd have narrowed down the possibilities of where Manila was staying, because there wasn't a long list of people that Manila knew. Julia could have easily found Raja's address in Alex's employment records, as Manila had.

"It's alright," said Raja calmly, "You didn't know."

"Yeah technology sucks, I can barely send a text," added Raven, attempting humour.

Manila still looked upset, pressing her lips together, eyes on the floor. Raja didn't know what to do. She glanced to Raven again, who shrugged, looking concerned. This hadn't been in Raja's job description. But she couldn't stand the look on Manila's face.

"Hey," said Raja, and Manila looked up, "You're not going anywhere with her if you don't want to. You can have a different life, we'll make it work."

-

Manila listened to music on Raja's iPod and tried to relax. Hearing her mom yell for her from the door had left her worried. Staying at Raja's house felt like being in another world entirely, but it clearly wasn't safe from intrusion. Guilt welled up in Manila's chest, because she was supposed to do as her mom said, it was what she'd always done, and disobeying Julia felt distressing and alien. Combined with her embarrassment for accidentally giving away her location with the Instagram post, she did not feel very good at all.

But the two adults remained calm and continued with the evening like nothing had happened. The fact that they weren't worried, or at least weren't showing it to her helped Manila stay calm. But she didn't sleep very well that night.

"House meeting, kitchen, now," announced Raven the next day, walking in to the living room where Raja and Manila were hanging out in the morning, Manila was reading a book and Raja was working on her laptop. Manila followed Raven into the kitchen. There was a plate of orange slices at what was already becoming Manila's place at the table. She immediately took one and started to eat it. There were always orange slices when Raven was around. 

"Two things," said Raven, flattening her hands on the table in front of her. Manila watched, still chewing and taking another orange. Raja sipped at a cup of coffee. Raven continued, "First thing: it looks like you live here, for now. That's great, and we're happy for you to stay. But-" Manila paused, stomach dropping, hand frozen as she reached for the next orange slice, "-you need to do something during the day."

"So," said Raja, and Manila turned to her, with the distinct feeling the two of them had been already discussed this without her, "There's a high school in the neighbourhood, we're going to figure out how to get you enrolled."

High school. With other people her age, normal people? Manila didn't know anybody else her age, except Shangela, and really only for that one fun night in Berlin. But maybe meeting new people would be okay. Or completely terrifying. 

Both Raja and Raven were looking at her, waiting for a reaction.

"Uh," said Manila, "I used to be homeschooled, could I keep doing that, or…?"

Raven shook her head, and Raja said, "We both have to work."

Manila gave herself a moment, thinking. High school couldn't possibly be that bad, could it? Not compared to the stress of working constantly, touring and performing and following the exhausting, impossible schedule her mom had laid out for her. On TV, people in high school mostly just seemed to hang out and have drama, and sometimes parties.

"Okay," said Manila, looking between them, "It can't be that hard, right?"

The two adults visibly relaxed. 

"High school is totally easy, you'll be fine," said Raven, looking relieved. Raja nodded.

"The next thing," began Raja, leaning forward, elbows on the table, "Is that we're going to figure out, like _legally,_ how you can stay here. If that's the best option and it's what you want," she added quickly. 

Manila nodded, suddenly feeling shy. It was what she wanted, underneath her anxiety and the weird awkwardness of the situation. She was not going back to her mom, or anyone in her old life.

"Anyway, we're going to get some advice from this lawyer that Raven's friend knows-"

"She's Jujubee's boyfriend's sister-in-law's aunt," corrected Raven.

Raja rolled her eyes to the ceiling and Manila laughed.

"You're so annoying," complained Raja, giving Raven an exasperated look.

"Meeting over," interrupted Raven, turning to Manila, "Unless you've got questions?"

Manila shook her head. Raven rose from the table and Raja followed, teasing her, and Manila watched, sensing the love between them. This would be the right place for her to stay.

-

Raja called the local high school and managed to get a meeting the next day. It wasn't too late for Manila to start the term, and Raja assumed she would just go right into the eleventh grade class. Julia's threats regarding law enforcement hadn't left Raja's mind, and their meeting with the lawyer was coming up soon. Her life was suddenly very busy.

Raja drove and Manila looked out the window, sitting in the passenger seat next to her. It was a big school, a low, older brick building with a huge field behind it, and a few kids hanging around outside. Manila adjusted her sunglasses. Unfortunately, considered Raja, this was an environment where she'd be recognized. As long as no one acted too crazy about it she'd be fine, and it would be best if she could just go to school like any other kid, without additional security. Raja couldn't act as both a bodyguard and a… mentor? Guardian? Parent? Raja ignored her discomfort at the idea and opened the doors, walking in to the building.

Raja took off her sunglasses and spoke to the secretary who waved them through to an office.

The woman in the office greeted them with a smile. She was the same administrator Raja had spoke to on the phone, named Sheila Jackson. She was friendly, had chunky jewellery and wore her hair out in a natural afro. Raja and Manila sat down in the two chairs across from her desk. There was a picture of a man and three kids on her desk, noted Raja, as well as various knickknacks, papers, office supplies, a computer and several encouraging posters on the wall. Raja felt a confusing mix of nostalgia and resentment. High school… fuck, it never changed.

"So, Manila, you're going into grade eleven?" said Sheila, addressing Manila with a smile. Sheila didn't seem to have recognized her.

"Um, yeah."

"And you've been home schooled before this?"

"Yes, since eighth grade."

Sheila was taking notes in some kind of short-hand that Raja couldn't interpret.

"Were you the one doing the homeschooling?" she asked, turning towards Raja.

"No," said Raja quickly, "That was her mom."

"Do you have any examples of where you're at in your studies?" The question was directed at Manila.

"No," said Manila, shaking her head.

"Okay," said Sheila, slowly, "Usually home schooled children are registered with the Ministry of Education, and their progress is tracked there. What's your last name, honey?"

Manila gave her last name and Sheila typed it in, clicked several times with her mouse, and said, "You don't seem to be registered."

"I haven't done any school work for a while," said Manila, and both Raja and Sheila looked to her, "I'm a musician, I was recording an album, and then before that I was on tour, and then before that I was, uh, recording the singles, practicing, training, performing, competing in pageants…"

"When was the last time you did school work?"

"I don't know, two years ago?"

Raja shifted. She didn't particularly like that all their answers were some variation of _no_ or _I don't know._ High school couldn't possibly be that complicated, right? She'd slept through most of it herself. Sheila's pleasant smile didn't diminish, but Raja recognized it as a professional mask, similar to her own intentionally blank expression.

"If we can't identify a child's progress we have them take an aptitude test, because sometimes they're a little ahead or behind for their grade level, which is very common."

"Do I have to take a test? I haven't studied…" said Manila, glancing at Raja.

"It's preferable, just to see where you're at. No advanced studying required, in fact it's encouraged not to," said Sheila, turning and opening a drawer behind her, "I have one available here, if you'd like to take it today."

"Well… okay," said Manila, looking unexpectedly determined.

Sheila gathered a few things, then handed Manila a stack of stapled-together papers, a pencil and a calculator, "It's a general survey of the subjects that a student should know by grade eleven. If you don't know any of the answers just put down your best guess, and we'll go from there. It'll take about an hour."

Manila handed Raja her phone and Sheila led Manila to a small room with a desk where she could write the test, and shut the door. Sheila returned to her own desk, professional mask now dropped although her expression remained calm.

"The fact that she isn't registered with the Ministry to Education isn't a good sign," she said bluntly, "Do you know anything about her progress?"

Raja let out a breath through her nose. Of course Julia hadn't followed the proper procedures.

"No," said Raja, shaking her head. Raja glanced at the door and lowered her voice, "I don't think her mom did much after pulling her out of school other than put her to work on her music career. She's trying to leave that behind now, but… it's complicated."

Sheila nodded sympathetically.

"Also, she's moderately famous and it's likely that the other kids here will recognize her," continued Raja, deciding she may as well voice all of her concerns at once, "And she's been sort of isolated, she hasn't spent time with anyone her own age in a few years. It's going to be an adjustment."

"We have children from all kinds of complex backgrounds," said Sheila, "Situations similar to hers aren't as unusual as you'd think. As for her fame, well, the other students will just have to get used to it. I'll keep an eye on her, as well."

After asking a few more questions, Raja left. The test would take an hour or so, and while Raja didn't feel the need to stay in the building the entire time, but she also didn't want to drive off somewhere in case Manila was done early. So wandered around the parking lot and looked at her phone for a while, and eventually found herself back inside, sitting in a chair at the far end of the office, like she was a kid waiting to see the principal. That brought back some memories. But then Raja was handed a third-party custody form to fill out, so she could enroll Manila without actually being her parent. This was all getting official, very quickly.

Finally Manila came back out and returned the test to Sheila, who looked it over quickly, again making notes in her indecipherable short-hand. Manila filled out some forms for herself, and Raja helped her with them while they waited. Raja could feel herself getting impatient, jumping through bureaucratic hoops was not her forte.

"Okay," said Sheila, displaying the results on the table, "Manila's reading comprehension is high, but everything else including the areas of history, science and especially math are one to two years behind where they should be."

Both Raja and Manila stared at her in surprise.

"I'm not stupid-" began Manila, defensive.

"You're certainly not stupid," soothed Sheila, "It's very common for children that have been homeschooled to be either ahead or behind in certain subjects. What that means is you'll be taking some classes at a grade nine or ten level, but everything else can be with your class."

"Can't I just get tutoring or something to catch up?"

Raja shook her head.

But Manila protested, frowning, "Are you sure that test is right? I'm supposed to be ahead of most people my age, and-"

"Manila, you haven't done schoolwork for like two years, you said it yourself," said Raja, cutting off the argument. Manila just had to accept this, it truly was their only option.

"Why didn't anyone tell me I was behind?" she asked, expression hurt.

_Because it benefitted Julia to keep you undereducated and isolated_ was Raja's internal response, but aloud she replied, "It never came up, but we're dealing with it now."

The conversation continued and eventually Sheila drew up a class schedule for Manila. They left with a stack of information, and a plan for Manila to start school the day after tomorrow. Manila put her sunglasses back on as they left, pouting. Raja sighed.

Manila sat silent and angry in the passenger seat, knees up and arms crossed. The more complex aspects of Julia's neglect were beginning to show themselves, and it left Raja frustrated as well. But she pushed her feelings down as she started the car, Manila didn't need Raja to be angry to her behalf. 

"I dropped out of high school, twenty-ish years ago," said Raja impulsively, turning the volume down on the radio. She'd realized that she'd shared very little about herself with the teenager. 

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Raja, carefully backing out of the parking space, "When I was seventeen. My home life was a disaster, and I was running out of options… including staying there anymore. The military recruiter said I'd get fifteen thousand dollars, a roof over my head, three meals a day and I'd get to play with guns. That was enough to convince me, because I was young and desperate and a bit of an idiot. I mean they prey on poor kids who don't have- but that's not the point."

Raja wasn't entirely sure what her point was, but she kept talking anyway. Manila seemed to be listening, although her expression was still angry.

"Seven years passed real quick. I went to Iraq, came back with PTSD and some bullet wounds but I managed to fix both, for the most part. I got my GED- that's a thing for adults who didn't get the chance to finish high school," she explained, to Manila's confused look. "It helped me get back on my feet, and eventually have a totally different career. Knowing who I am now and what I care about, I wouldn't have made the same choice back then. But here we are."

Manila stared out the car window as they drove down the street.

"Look," sighed Raja. She really didn't know how to comfort Manila, but she was trying her best. "I know you're disappointed, or embarrassed or whatever. But a lot of people don't follow a 'normal' path. I sure as hell didn't and I turned out mostly fine." She cracked a grin, glancing over at Manila, who looked up.

"So maybe you're not where they say you're supposed to be in school," finished Raja, "Whatever. Your life hasn't exactly been normal. But you'll get there."

Raja let her speech sit between them in the car. 

"Are you going to become my guardian?" asked Manila, after several minutes of silence. 

Raja sighed rested her elbow on the edge of the window, carding her hand through her hair, her other hand on the wheel. Raja had no idea whether guardianship was possible, or a good idea, and she didn't want to give Manila false hope. But she couldn't just say no.

"Probably, yeah. We'll see."

The sky was bright blue and the sun beat down, reflecting off the hood of the car. At least they were making progress somewhere.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raja is feeling the pressure of her new responsibility, and the meeting with the lawyer only serves to multiply it. Manila is very nervous about her first day of high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy the cameo appearances! also this isn't fully turning into a high school AU, but it is a major subplot lol. hope everyone is vibin' ;)  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

_Del Rio, Davenport, O'Hara & Associates - Attorneys at Law._

Raja read the sign, took a deep breath and opened the door. Raven followed her in. They had an appointment with a lawyer today to seek some advice regarding the situation they'd found themselves in with Manila. Raja could only hope the lawyer was good, and relatively cheap. 

The secretary waved them into an office, with two chairs in front of a heavy wooden desk. It wasn't exactly new, noted Raja. Nothing in the building was new. There were several filing cabinets, and some abstract art on the far wall. The lawyer wasn't in yet. Next to Raja, Raven surreptitiously checked her phone. They were on time.

"Alright, alright, I'm here!" came a loud, brash voice from behind them. Raja turned just as a woman in a fitted navy suit jacket and a tight knee length skirt came in through the door. She had her curly hair up in a wrap, very overdrawn makeup and sounded like she'd been smoking three packs a day for the last twenty years.

Raven's fingers twitched as she saw the woman's makeup and Raja allowed herself a small smile.

"It says Ms. Del Rio on the door but you can call me Bianca," said the lawyer, siting down in the chair behind the desk and shuffling around various files and papers, "Gemini and Petruschin, right? Don't be offended if I can't pronounce it." 

Once things were in order Bianca steepled her fingers and leaned forward, "According to my secretary you've got questions. Hit me."

"Yeah," said Raja, deciding to cut right to the chase, "Well, we've got a- I guess it's a custody issue, for a minor."

Bianca's eyes flicked between the two of them, "Who's kid?"

"Neither of ours," replied Raven, "She's a runaway. We're looking after her right now."

"She's escaping an abusive situation," said Raja quickly, "But her mother is very controlling and isn't going to give her up easily. She's already been by our house, harassing us. We're just wondering what out options are, in terms of dealing with the harassment and giving the kid a stable environment."

"Right," said Bianca nodding, "How old is the kid?"

"Fifteen, almost sixteen."

"Okay." Bianca opened a drawer on the side of her desk and flipped through the files, muttering to herself. 

"Alright," she slapped three pieces of paper on the desk, "You're looking at three options for the kid. A guardianship claim, a restraining order against the mother or legal emancipation. Or a combination."

"What does that all mean?" asked Raja, already confused.

"We'd prefer not to take this to court," interjected Raven, "if possible."

"If the mother is going after you you probably can't avoid court," said Bianca. She slid the papers apart, tapping the first one with her nail. "Alright. Change in guardianship. Gives you the right to physical custody, limited power of attorney, the ability to claim her from the hospital and enroll her in school, et cetera, til the kid is 18, but it's not full legal custody, the parent will still have that. You have to file it with the county. If the parent with full custody refuses, you're looking at court."

"Okay," said Raja, "I already got her enrolled in school though, they gave me this form-"

"The third party custody form?"

"Yeah."

"Great, you're already strengthening your claim. Next," said Bianca, tapping the second document, "Restraining order. You said the mother is abusive to the kid, and she's harassing you? This is a great option, keeps her out of your hair, and she can't get within five hundred feet of the kid, whatever. Still involves court, and proving her harassment is a threat to the kid's safety and/or wellbeing."

"It definitely is," muttered Raja. Raven glanced at her. Bianca pushed the third document to the front.

"Right, then there's emancipation. That means the kid legally becomes an adult, nobody gets custody. She can live with you two if she wants, but legally speaking you'd have no claim to her, or she can go out on her own. She fills out a form with the county, proves her case before a judge, and doesn't need parental consent in certain cases. It helps if she's got qualifiers, like a source of income, a certain maturity level, et cetera."

"It sounds like no matter what, there's going to be court," said Raven, bluntly.

"You hit the nail on the head, sweetheart," said Bianca, tapping her nails on the desk, "You can hang onto these and consider your options. Any further questions?"

"Yeah," said Raja, "The kid, her name is Manila by the way, is in a contract right now, with a record company."

"Elaborate."

"She's a pop musician, and her mother negotiated the contract on her behalf. I don't know much about it," continued Raja, "But it's a big part of the reason her mom is coming after us so hard."

"The kid doesn't want to complete it?"

"Yeah…" Raja supposed she had better just lay all the facts on the table, "… and the producer sexually assaulted her. Manila tried to tell her mom but she blamed her for it. I was around her during the time when it happened, and it- well, she was made to keep working with him. That's a big part of why she left."

Bianca grimaced, "Ugh, sleazy industry fucks. I see way too much of that shit. Did she sign the contract herself or was it the mother? Who's onus is it to produce the product?"

"I was there, they both signed it," said Raja, recalling the expensive-looking office with the albums on the walls all featuring very young women, and Jason's charming exterior. "I'm just worried it's going to escalate, and that they'll force her back to complete it."

"You witnessed the signing?" asked Bianca, eyes narrowed. "Do you have a copy of that contract?"

"No, I was working as her bodyguard at the time, that's why I was in the room."

"You were employed by the family?"

"No, by her management."

"Hmm." Bianca sat back, eyes flicking rapidly around the room as she thought. Raven examined her nails.

Bianca continued after a moment, "You've got two separate cases here; the runaway issue and a contract dispute. Legally she's entitled to a copy of any contract she signed, for review at any point in time. If Manila hires me, I can request one on her behalf and take a look at it to see where she stands. Then you all can decide if you want to take it to court."

"Wait a second, if _she_ hires you-" said Raja, attempting to clarify, "We're the ones hiring you. Well, maybe-"

"Sure, if you want to lose this case."

Raja glanced at Raven, who looked equally taken aback.

"If _you_ hire me then you're going up against a parent who has full custody, and is capable, on the outside, of raising this kid," stated Bianca, cocking her head to one side, "And unless you've got concrete proof that she's being abused then it's your word against the mothers, and priority is almost always given to the kid's blood relatives. But," she paused, "If _she_ hires me, then I'm directly representing her interests, which will change the way the judge is looking at it. The narrative becomes about her trying get away versus you trying to claim her. But only if she wants to go that route. Understand?"

"Uh, yeah," managed Raja. Next to her Raven nodded. It was complicated, but Bianca had arrived to the heart of the matter. There was silence, for a moment.

"How much would that cost?" asked Raven, firm. Raja sighed. She didn't like having to ask about that, but they had to stay within the realm of reality. They both had decent jobs, but they certainly weren't rich, and Raja was only working part-time lately.

"Can't say. But if you're taking on record company lawyers, well," said Bianca, leaning back in her chair and eyeing them. Raja ran a hand through her hair, and Raven shifted next to her, tight-lipped. Music industry lawyers were notoriously brutal. There was no way they could take this to court and win, thought Raja, imagining the chaos and legal fees. It would destroy their savings and potentially put them in debt for years. And at the end, what? Manila would be taken away. They had to be realistic.

"I operate on a sliding scale," continued Bianca, after a moment, "You can talk to my secretary about that, and the fee for my advice today. If you can figure out a route that avoids going head to head with the record company in court, I'd recommend it." She tapped her nails on the desk, again, "But if you can't and the kid decides to take them on, call me and I'll take her case _pro bono._ Let's just say I don't like it when sleazy industry fucks assault teenagers. It happens constantly but it doesn't mean we have to take it quietly every time."

Raja blinked. "Really?"

"Yes." Bianca took a business card from her chest pocket and slid it across the desk with the documents, "This is my direct line, call me anytime."

-

Manila was already nervous, sitting in the passenger seat next to Raja as she drove down the street towards the high school. Raja was driving her there today, but the plan was that Manila would walk once she was familiar with the route and the neighbourhood. The radio was tuned to some local station with pop hits. And then three very familiar notes filled the car. Manila froze. It was one of her songs, one she'd performed over and over on the tour. Since when was she being played on the _radio?_

Manila heard her own voice ring out in the car and cringed. It was the last thing she wanted to hear right now. Raja blinked, like she'd just recognized it.

"That's my song, haha," said Manila, reaching for the radio dial, "Can I change the station?"

"Sure."

Manila managed to find a station playing Fleetwood Mac, which felt safe and neutral, and her mind returned to the matter at hand. She was going to a real, actual high school. Manila sighed and tried to summon her perky, charming exterior, the kind of personality she'd use if she were meeting fans, or performing. Raja had said wearing jeans and T-shirt would be fine, but maybe she should have worn something nicer, it would be expected of her. There were going to be people who knew who she was, and they'd want to talk to her. She had to impress them, because they were supposed to like her, right? Why did she feel _so worried-_

Manila's nose itched and she rubbed at it, and suddenly felt the visceral desire for the white powder she used to take. It would help her focus, and bring her up to where she needed to be. Manila eyed Raja as she drove, sunglasses reflecting in the morning light. Raja had never given her any of it before, but certain adults, like Alex, seemed to have it around. And Manila needed something to get herself through this.

"Hey, um," said Manila, and Raja's eyes briefly flicked to hers before looking back at the road, "You don't have any of that white powder, do you?"

Raja frowned microscopically and then replied very calmly, "No Manila, I don't. Why do you ask?"

"Oh," said Manila, looking down at her lap, still feeling the need for it, under her skin, "It's just, I have to be _on_ today, right? People are going to recognize me, they're going to talk to me, ask me questions and I need to do it right. I need to be charming and impress everyone but I don't think I can get there on my own-"

Raja sighed heavily and flicked the turn signal and pulled the car over to the side of the road. And then she turned fully in her seat and pushed her sunglasses up on her head, looking carefully at Manila. 

"Let's make one thing very clear," said Raja, expression serious, "I am not going to give you cocaine."

Manila nodded and looked down at her lap, twisting her hands together, embarrassed. The desire for the drug had been sudden and unexpected in her spike of nerves, and she hadn't realized how inappropriate of a request it was.

Raja's voice softened, "Look, going to school is not the same as performing, you don't have to be _on,_ right. Yeah, people will recognize you and they'll probably ask you questions. But you don't have to talk to them."

Manila looked back up at her. "But people will expect me to-" 

"Screw what people expect," said Raja firmly, holding eye contact, "What do you want out of this day?"

Manila tried to think around the ball of anxiety in her mind. 

"I don't know," said Manila, trying to keep the note of a complaint to of her voice, "I just want to be normal. It would be cool to make some friends or whatever, and I guess I need to learn something?"

"Yeah, that's high school in a nutshell right there," affirmed Raja, "The first day is going to be weird and people will need a moment to get used to you. But that's _about them,_ and not you. After a few days no one will notice you anymore. It isn't like your career, all you need to do is show up. It's easy. Believe me, I slept through most of it." Raja raised her eyebrows encouragingly and Manila managed a tentative smile back.

"Okay," said Manila, nodding. Raja was right, and her nerves had settled a little bit. There was no way school would be as crazy as performing in a different city every night for weeks on end, or surviving a kidnapping attempt, or making a music video while jet lagged and suffering, or being trapped in the recording studio-

"Look, I'm only running errands today, so if for any reason it really is terrible, you can call me," said Raja, "I'll come pick you up and you can try again tomorrow."

It hit Manila then, that despite the weirdness of her life, despite everything that had happened, Raja meant what she said. Raja was there for her and she would answer if called. No one had ever given her that choice before. Manila shifted, playing with the strap of her seatbelt.

"Alright. I can do it," said Manila, nodding.

"Yeah, you can."

With that Raja faced forward once more and drove the rest of the way to the school.

-

The building was somehow huge and tiny at the same time. And everyone was looking at her. 

Or maybe not everyone, realized Manila, as she moved through the crowd with her class schedule clutched in her hand and tried to find the hallway with her homeroom class, because a lot of people were looking at their phones or in their lockers or at each other, too. But she did hear some groups of teenagers, girls in particular, whispering her name to each other, and then repeating it louder.

Also, teenagers looked really weird. Some of them looked like full-grown adults, but many still looked like children or occupied a weird space between the two. Did Manila look like that? She spent so much time around adults that she'd sort of assumed she was one. But it was quite clear to her that she wasn't, because if everyone else in her age range looked like that... then she probably did too.

Luckily the basics were the same as elementary school in the sense that the classroom was still just a room with desks and chairs, some shelves and a chalkboard, so that wasn't totally alien. Manila managed to find a seat by the far edge of the room. The rest of the class wandered in, with a few stragglers, and the bell rang. Manila sat awkwardly through the _we have a new student joining us today_ announcement by her homeroom teacher, and then class began. Manila glanced surreptitiously around the room. A few other kids were looking at her, but most of them had their attention turned to the front of the room, or to their friends. The kid next to her had his head down on his desk, his face tucked into the crook of his elbow, and he seemed to be asleep.

It was, actually, not that different from what Raja had described.

-

Raja's phone rang loud and insistent from her back pocket while she was at the self-checkout in the drugstore, a box of tampons in her hand. Instantly, she grabbed the phone and looked at the screen, but it wasn't Manila. It was a local number she didn't recognize. Raja breathed a sigh of relief, and then answered it anyway.

"You put her back in school? Who do you think you are?"

Ah. Julia. 

"Hello, Julia," said Raja calmly, tapping her debit card on the machine, taking her bag and going out the door.

"I am _her mother._ "

"I'm aware."

Raja crossed the sidewalk and got back into her car, tossing the bag into the passenger seat and quickly turning on the air conditioning as Julia continued to speak. 

"You know this won't work, whatever bullshit you're trying," stated Julia, her voice filled with contempt, "I need her back here, we have a contract. Do you know what will happen to her, to me, if she doesn't fulfill it?"

Raja didn't reply, sitting calmly in the drivers seat, knowing there'd be more. The contract was worrying to her as well.

"They will sue us. We'll end up in court, and she'll be blacklisted, she'll never work in the industry again," ranted Julia, with some crackling over the cell phone line. Raja pressed the phone to her ear, resisting the urge to chew at her lip. Julia continued, "She has to complete it, she can't run from this. Do you have any idea how much I've sacrificed to get her this far? Do you have any idea how much she's _worth?_ "

"Very little, apparently," replied Raja mildly, "Given what she has in her bank account."

Silence. Raja stared at the dashboard, frustration growing, and she gripped the steering wheel with her opposite hand, feeling the familiar leather under her palm. Trying to get Manila started in a new environment was hard enough. Julia's harassment was just the cherry on top of Raja's goddamn stress sundae.

"Look, you seem like a… reasonable person," said Julia. Her tone changed, it was smooth, controlled, confident, "Despite your inclinations. You seem intelligent. So you have to understand that what you're indulging her with is untenable. It won't last. Believe me, she's a handful," Julia let out a laugh that made Raja's knuckles whiten on the steering wheel, "If she wants to stay with you for a little while, whatever. I can allow her that, she's fifteen and she's moody."

Raja did not like where this was going. Julia's change in attitude was unsettling, her aggressive demeanour quickly turned into an attempt to manipulate. Raja felt her professional mask sliding into place, holding back any emotion from appearing on her face despite the fact that Julia couldn't see her.

"So," continued Julia, as though nothing were out of the ordinary, "It's to her benefit that you go along with this. She can't hide forever, and they'll make her complete it one way or another." A pause, as though she was listening, and then, "Bring her in to the recording studio on Monday morning, so she can-"

"You know what that producer did to her," interrupted Raja.

"That was nothing," said Julia, quickly, "And Jason is the best in the business, we need him. That was just another example of her acting out, you obviously don't understand what she's like-"

"She's fifteen. It was rape."

"Don't you _dare_ use that word," snapped Julia, a note of vulnerability slipping in to her tone, "You don't understand the situation. You were fucking hired security, and barely competent at that, _you know nothing._ "

Julia's interpretation of the truth was apparently very different from hers, thought Raja, jaw clenched. Everything about this situation was awful and Raja would definitely need to spend some time at the gym after this conversation… ideally beating the crap out of a heavy bag or a sparring partner.

Julia let out a steadying breath into the phone. 

"If you bring her to the recording studio on Monday we'll start everything back up again like she never left," pressed Julia, "I'll ensure she's comfortable and her album will be back on track. You can hang around if you want to, for whatever reason. And then she can move back in with me, where she belongs. I don't need her getting influenced by your lifestyle. It will benefit _everyone_ if you can just work with me, here."

Julia paused, and then sighed. Raja saw movement in the corner of her eye and tensed, ready to react to the threat, but it was just a jogger passing by the car. 

"I'm her mother," repeated Julia, quietly, "This isn't easy for me, you know. I'm doing my best."

Raja considered Julia's proposition for a moment. Was her suggestion truly viable, and would Manila even agree? Manila didn't want to go back, but if she had to… could Raja's presence alone really stave off the toxic, controlling aspects of Manila's relationship with her mother, and make her feel safe enough to work with the producer who'd assaulted her? It didn't seem likely. Raja had seen genuine fear in Manila's eyes when Julia had come to their door. She'd seen Manila's stress, pain and exhaustion. It was possible that with the adjustments Julia proposed that Manila could endure the process in relative safety, but-

Life wasn't just a process to be endured.

Raja still didn't know what the hell she was to Manila, but she refused be the person who dropped her right back into the situation she'd run from. Thinking back to the conversation with Bianca, Raja weighed her options. It would be difficult, but if there was even the remotest chance they could win… 

"I appreciate the offer, Julia, but I have to decline," said Raja, in her most professional, emotionless voice, "Don't call this number again."

-

"Hey."

Manila shut her locker and looked at the girl leaning against the locker next to hers, who had just spoken. She had long dyed-green hair and a nose piercing, and she wore a ripped Guns 'n' Roses T-shirt with cutoff shorts and combat boots. She looked cool, and intimidating.

"Hi," responded Manila.

"You're Manila."

Manila frowned and nodded. Many people had been saying that to her today, just repeating her name to her face like she didn't know it belonged to her. She would just quietly say hi and walk away. That seemed to be working. It was pretty weird, but it wasn't the same kind of pressure as performing, or talking to fans or recording. Most of the day was spent in class anyway, which was similar to elementary school and not at all like the way high school looked on TV.

"So do you like, go here, now?" asked the girl. She wasn't smiling, and had her hands shoved in her pockets, looking Manila up and down. Manila was suddenly self-conscious, in her plain jeans and one of her new shirts from the trip to the mall with Raven. The shirt had a pattern of tiny pineapples on it.

"Yeah," replied Manila, defensive. "So?"

There was a silence, as the crowds of students moved by in the hallway. Manila needed to figure out where her next class was, but this intense girl was just staring at her. 

"Can you play an instrument or do you just sing?"

Caught off guard, Manila replied, "Um, I can play the keyboard but it's been a while-"

"'Cause my band Alien Bandits needs a new member. And you're like a real musician. But _I'm_ the lead singer."

"Uh… sure?"

"Cool," said the girl, breaking into a friendly grin, "I'm Adore, by the way." She put her hand out for Manila to shake and Manila did so, awkwardly. "What class do you have next? I'll help you find it."

-

"How was your day?" asked Raja, as Manila opened the passenger door and got inside the car. 

Manila looked confused, mildly disheveled and overwhelmed, which was about how one looked after a typical high school day, if Raja was any judge. But what she didn't have was that exhausted, drawn look to her that she'd had during and after the tour, and the recording process. Raja hadn't had the opportunity to go to the gym after her phone call with Julia, instead she'd finished her errands and then drove to a park where she'd sat on the grass and meditated, processing the stressful conversation. She felt much calmer now. But Raja hoped she hadn't started a battle she couldn't win.

"It was good, I think? I'm really tired," replied Manila. "Someone asked me to join their band."

"Really?"

"Yeah, we might be friends but I don't know yet." Manila let out a long exhale, and shook her head. "I have to do it all again tomorrow. Are we going home now?"

Raja realized that Manila meant her house, and something warm flickered in her chest.

"Yeah," said Raja, putting the car in gear and backing up, "That's where we're going."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila wrestles with understanding her contract and speaks with a friend from the tour. Raja combats the spectres of Manila's old life, and Raven just wants more time alone with her girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the very late update! i wrote myself into a corner, but then i found a way out, so here's a 4.2k monster chapter lol. the posting schedule should be back to once a week now, i have five more chapters planned out and then it should be complete. also i randomly wrote like 10k of a ravjila catholic school au for no reason whatsoever. might post that once i'm done this. big thanks to anyone who's still following the story! :)  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: non-detailed discussion of past sexual assault of a minor in this chapter

"Raja."

Raja blinked awake. Raven poked her arm, and whispered her name again.

"What?" asked Raja blearily, looking around the room. The sheets were tangled around the two of them and the sun was barely up, weak blue light leaking in the window. "It's not morning yet-"

"I know," said Raven, who barely looked awake herself, cuddling in next to Raja and softly kissing her neck, "I had a dream about you. We were in space, I was an astronaut and you were an alien with tentacle hands and it was surprisingly hot-"

Raja laughed, as Raven's hands began to gently quest along her body. Raven was always, invariably, ridiculous.

"And she's still asleep," added Raven.

'She' of course referred to Manila.

"Babe, I have things to do today… "

"So do I, I have to work. But I miss you," sighed Raven, "Like it's good that she's here and everything, but our house is small and noise travels."

Raja sighed, sleepy, staring at the ceiling. Raven paused, waiting for her to decide. Admittedly they'd both been a bit uncomfortable and stressed out with Manila suddenly in their lives, and their usual choices for stress release in the forms of smoking weed and having enthusiastic sex weren't as immediately appropriate with the teenager around. Raja was trying to set a good example. But despite her annoyance that Raven had woken her up so early, Raja knew it would make them both feel better.

"So you're waking me up at four a.m. to get laid?" teased Raja, rolling on to her side to face Raven.

"Five-thirty, actually," replied Raven, catching on and grinning, "Okay, you wanna rock my world for an half hour? We'll be back to sleep by six, and get forty-five minutes of rest until the alarm goes off at a quarter to seven. I'll fuck you again in the shower if you're lucky and you can stay quiet."

"Look at you, planning it all out," murmured Raja, she could already feel her desire growing at the prospect.

Raja pulled Raven in close and kissed her, hand immediately going under her shirt. And Raven smiled into the kiss, both of them ignoring the other's morning breath, her own hands tracing Raja's hip and quickly going between her legs. And soon enough Raja pulled the covers back, kissing her way down Raven's torso and sliding her underwear off her hips.

-

It was the afternoon, after school had been let out and Manila was in Adore's garage sitting on a folding chair. It was musty and several degrees cooler than outside in the sun, but Adore had opened the garage door to the alley so the breeze could flow through. There were extension cords all over the floor, a ratty couch and storage boxes, and Adore had brought her beat-up electric guitar out from her house. Someone had spray painted _Alien Banditz_ on the wall in neon green. Another girl from their school who's name Manila didn't know was already there, sitting on a stool at the sticker-covered drum kit. She eyed Manila suspiciously, and blew a bubble with her gum.

"So, you're Manila, right?"

"Yeah." Manila answered that question a lot, these days.

"And you play the keys?"

"Yeah."

"And you're like famous or whatever."

"Sort of, yeah."

The girl paused, and chewed her gum some more, just staring. She had a nose piercing, some acne scarring, and her skin was a shade or so lighter than Raja's. Her baby hairs were oiled into curls at her temples and she looked really, really cool. 

"So, is this like where you guys practice?" wondered Manila, immediately kicking herself. Why was she so awkward-

"Yeah, duh."

"Right. Uh… what kind of music do you like?" asked Manila, trying again. 

"Not yours."

Manila burst out laughing. It was partially her nerves, partially the absurdity of the situation and partially the fact that she didn't particularly like her own music much anymore, either. It wasn't something she'd had the chance to write from the heart anyway, except a few of her earliest songs. The entire process had been very controlled. Of course Adore's friend, who was clearly extremely cool, didn't like her music. But Manila knew that there was much more in the world to like and didn't blame her in the least.

The girl looked shocked for a moment and then she laughed as well.

"I'm Aja," said the girl, with a nod.

"That rhymes with my, uh… aunt's name," said Manila, "Her name is Raja."

"That's cool."

"So I borrowed this keyboard from my cousin," announced Adore, reappearing in the doorway, lugging a long, heavy bag, "It used to belong to his girlfriend but she left it at his place when they broke up. So she might come back for it but we've got it for now."

They got the instrument set up and Manila poked at the keys. It had been a few years, but the muscle memory returned quickly. Adore set up her guitar and the amps and Aja banged on the drums a few times. 

"Okay, so we have a few songs," said Adore, handing a grubby notebook to Manila. "Let's just jam first though."

Aja set a rhythm and Adore added some chords and Manila let her fingers tap gently on the keys, occasionally switching up the settings. Then they moved on to a few songs, Adore shout-singing into the mic. Her voice was good, full of raw energy. None of them were that great at their instruments, and the sound wasn't tight and precise like she was used to, but Manila found herself enjoying it anyway. Maybe making music could be fun again.

-

"Alright," said Bianca, taking out a thick file folder putting on her desk with a heavy slap, "Here's your copy of the contract. The record company didn't like hearing from me, let me tell you that much."

Manila blinked at the thick stack of papers. She was with Raja in Bianca's office, which had wood panelling and a pretty window, going over her case. After several conversations Manila had decided she would hire the lawyer, at the very least to help keep her mother away from her. Hopefully she could stay with Raja permanently. But first they had to deal with her complex recording contract. 

"It's huge."

"They tend to be detailed."

"I don't remember it being that big," said Manila, "I only saw like four pages."

"No one went over it with you?" asked Bianca.

Manila shook her head, "My mom just said it was fine, and that she'd figured it all out… "

"Interesting," said Bianca. She snapped open the folder and licked her finger before flipping through the papers. There were notes all over it, in scrawled pen and highlighter. Then she tapped a section with her shiny red nail, "Most of what's in the contract itself is pretty standard, and when I say standard I mean predatory. However the way it was negotiated and the circumstances under which it was signed are unusual. The main point I'll argue is the interpretation of the onus."

The confusion must have appeared on Manila's face, because Bianca immediately explained, "That means responsibility, honey. I'm going to argue that it shouldn't be your responsibility to complete the contract because you're a minor and you signed it without fully understanding it's nature. Your mother signed it as a guarantor, which is unusual, presumably she wanted some kind of control in process. To me, that means it's in fact her responsibility to produce the product. We interpret the contract to have been made with her, so the record company can't actually compel you to work for them."

"So, they can't make me come back?" confirmed Manila. This was complicated, and frankly, very far out of her field of experience. But she mostly followed what had Bianca said.

"If the judge accepts our interpretation, then no, they can't. If you want to work with your mother again-"

"I don't."

"Then there you go," said Bianca, gesturing and offering a smug smile.

"What if the judge doesn't accept that argument?" asked Raja, her tone neutral, but her eyebrows drew together.

"Then we're going to argue to void the contract on the basis of unsafe working conditions, and improper payment," said Bianca.

"And when you say 'working conditions,' you mean… "

"Various factors," continued Bianca, turning to Manila, "Including your demanding schedule, the fact that you were never personally paid for your work, and your sexual assault case, should you choose to pursue it." 

Manila looked down and twisting her hands in her lap. 

"You mean what happened with Jason," said Manila, "I don't want to talk about it. Am I going to have to talk about it at court-?"

"Probably not," said Bianca, tapping her nails on the desk, "Because I'm confident that the judge will accept my interpretation of your contract as unlawful. It's absurd and I've never seen anything like it. But it's in your best interest that we prepare to cover every angle."

Manila sighed, fighting the hurt and humiliation that came up every time the matter was mentioned.

"Listen," said Bianca, her usually harsh voice much softer and Manila looked up, "This is nothing that hasn't happened before, I've seen this exact situation and situations far more twisted than this play out a thousand times. You're not the only one. It happens _constantly._ It's my job to believe you and do everything I can to help you achieve your goal here."

Manila nodded. She wanted to erase what had happened in the recording studio from her life completely, and it was awful that it kept getting dragged up again and again with this contract issue. Most of the time she didn't think about it, but every so often something would remind her, and she'd feel numb or very angry. Sometimes both. Raja shifted in her seat, eyes flicking to Manila's and then back to Bianca.

"You're going to need to give a statement about the incident, so there's an official record of what happened," said Bianca, "You can wait until you're ready, but it has to be before the court date so that I can prepare appropriately. I have a connection in law enforcement who will take your statement, she works with assault victims all the time. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you're going to be have to talk about it if you want your case to be solid."

"Okay, well… " said Manila, nodding vaguely to herself. She supposed she didn't have much of a choice. If it meant getting away from her mother, continuing to go to school and living at Raja's house, then she'd have to do it. Raja put her hand on her shoulder, steady and calm. Manila felt grounded, less like she would spin off into space.

"Yeah," continued Manila, surprised by how clear her voice sounded, "I can do it, I'll give the statement. Is tomorrow okay?"

Bianca smiled, her confident look re-appearing, "I'll get that set up for you right now."

-

A few days later Manila was relaxing in her room and thinking about Shangela, again. 

Bianca's words had stuck with her, _you're not the only one._ And when she'd gone in and given a statement regarding her assault to Bianca's contact with the police, well… that was really tiring, re-living it. Going over all the details. Being asked questions. And then Raja gave her statement as well, describing what she'd seen and heard, and how Manila had reacted after. Manila felt vaguely embarrassed, recalling her meltdown on the kitchen floor of her mother's condo, yelling at Raja that she hated her, and she wanted to be alone. That couldn't have been more the opposite.

On the way home afterwards Manila was so exhausted she'd actually fallen asleep in the car, and had awoken to Raja gently tapping her arm, waking her up outside the house.

But that was a few days ago, and Manila had done her best to put it out of her mind, focusing on other matters. Manila still followed Shangela on Instagram, and saw that the pop star had finally completed her international tour and had returned to the US. Her posts were of home in Texas, hanging out with her friends and family. Shangela's life seemed great, and Manila was still amazed that Shangela was so well-adjusted and confident despite her fame. They'd been messaging on and off since they'd met in Berlin, but Manila had neglected to keep in touch given the past few weeks of upheaval. So she asked if Shangela would like to FaceTime and catch up. 

Manila snapped back to the present as Shangela's smiling face appeared on the phone screen and she waved and greeted Manila who returned the greeting, suddenly nervous. Shangela's hair had been in a blonde weave before, but now it was more casual in short dark braids. It gave Manila a thrill to see her again, the memory of drinking wine and hanging out in her hotel room rushing back… 

"Hey baby! What's happening with you?" Shangela was friendly and energetic as always. Manila found herself blushing slightly, but then she remembered Shangela called just about everyone 'baby.'

After several minutes of news and a vague attempt to explain her living situation, Manila said, "So, I got this recording contract…"

"Yeah, I remember you mentioned that was in the works," replied Shangela, grinning through the screen, "Congratulations!"

"Thank you! I was just wondering if you've ever worked with the producer before, he, uh-" Manila hesitated, she didn't particularly want to explain in detail what had happened, again. But she couldn't help wondering, after thinking about what Bianca had said and occasionally overhearing Raja and Raven mention things to one another when they thought Manila couldn't hear, whether they were right and Jason done something similar to other people before her. Manila didn't really know anyone else in the industry other than Shangela. Surely nothing like that had happened to her. But she might have heard something. 

"We had a-" attempted Manila, "A problem, when we were recording. I'm trying to get out of the contract now, actually. He-"

Shangela's eyebrows drew together, concerned, "What's his name?"

Manila gave Jason's name, and Shangela's frown only deepened in response.

"Mmm, yeah I've heard of him," said Shangela, eyes flicking from Manila's to something off-screen and then back, "But I haven't worked with him. When I started and I was looking around for people to work with he came up but I heard the rumours and decided to go in another direction."

"Uh, what were the rumours?"

"He works with a lot of young pop artists, and he's been behind a lot of great hits, but anyone I've talked to has said he's a little, mmm," said Shangela, expression doubtful, shrugging, "And he's dated a few of his musicians too, usually once they're eighteen. People say he's a bit, ah, _hands-on._ It's one of those open secrets."

"Right, yeah," said Manila, feeling a strange combination of hurt and validation. Maybe it wasn't just her, after all, maybe it hadn't been her fault like her mom had said- "'Hands-on' is the right word for it, I guess."

"You still working with him?"

"No, not right now… and not again, if I can get out of the contract," said Manila, She laughed awkwardly.

Understanding passed over Shangela's face, and she nodded, "Well baby, I'm sorry. Best of luck with it, yeah?"

"Thank you. But uh, I've decided to go back to school!" said Manila, changing the subject, and Shangela responded, asking her some questions and discussing the progress of her own education. Manila was grateful that Shangela had taken this time to talk to her and confirmed her suspicions.

All of a sudden a pretty girl with pink hair appeared on the screen behind Shangela, wrapping her arms around Shangela's neck in a hug.

"Hey! Who's that on the Facetime?" she asked, a country twang in her accent.

"Ah, Chi Chi baby, this is Manila!"

"Hi!" said Manila, watching as Chi Chi pressed a kiss into Shangela's cheek, and asked boldly, "Is this your girlfriend?"

"Yes girl! She's the best," replied Shangela, and the camera shook as she put an arm around Chi Chi. They looked happy and comfortable, Shangela was practically glowing in Chi Chi's presence. Chi Chi was easily one of the most beautiful people Manila had ever seen in her life, and she smiled at her. 

The conversation ended soon after that. Manila would have liked to see Shangela in person again but it wasn't really possible, given that Shangela was rarely in L.A. In fact, Shangela had a new project coming up in Atlanta. Manila was genuinely happy for her. But she couldn't help but wonder if she'd just asked around about the producer earlier, instead of blindly trusting everything her mother had set up, whether she could have avoid the terrible situation entirely. But maybe then she'd have never left.

At least Manila didn't feel as alone anymore, she had a few friends on her side.

-

Raja was tired, given all the intensity of the past few days but luckily it was Sunday afternoon. That meant watering and pruning her many houseplants, checking on her hidden weed plants in the basement, doing casual housework and just generally resting. Given that it was the last Sunday of the month, Raven had gone up to Riverside to see her brother and her nieces. Normally Raja would have joined her, and they'd have spent the day hanging out with two very energetic young children. But given the stress of the week she figured that Manila needed someone around so she stayed behind.

There was a knock at the door. Raja frowned and got up from where she was carefully examining a snake plant for mites, and opened the door to Alex.

He stood casually, sunglasses on. Raja leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms, her guarded work mode instantly engaged. There was an unfamiliar car in the road behind him and Raja spied Julia in the front seat. 

"Hello Alex, what brings you here?" asked Raja calmly, sizing up her previous employer. She was getting very tired of these confrontations, whether over the phone or on the doorstep. This bullshit needed to end, and fast.

"You know why I'm here, Raja," replied Alex, bluntly, "Manila is coming with us."

Raja waited, staring at him silently until he tsked, irritated, and shifted, running a hand over his gelled hair. It reflected slightly in the sun. 

"Look, she's my client," he said, smoothly, "You know that. It's my job to manage her career, and whatever she's playing at hiding out with you of all people isn't helping me-"

"She's not interested in pursuing her career right now."

"Frankly, I'm not interested in talking to you about it," replied Alex, "Apparently she has a lawyer, now? Are you trying to make my life more difficult? I thought you'd be out of my hair when I fired you."

"Yeah, you're not talking to her-" began Raja.

"It's my right to speak with her or her representation," stated Alex, "Because we still have a working relationship. You don't speak on her behalf. Get her out here now."

Raja recognized the trap. And the fact that unfortunately Alex was right. But perhaps this was an opportunity.

"Okay," said Raja, stepping back, "She'll be out in a minute. Julia stays in the car."

Raja shut the door and locked it and went over to Manila's room, the door was open and the teenager was sitting on her bed, looking nervous. Apparently she'd overheard the doorstep conversation.

"It's Alex."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"I think it would help if you told him to his face that you don't want to work with him anymore," suggested Raja, keeping her voice even and calm.

Manila hesitated, and then said, "Well… will they stop bothering me if I do?"

"It might help," replied Raja, because she honestly didn't know, and then added, "Julia is in the car in the street. I said you'd only come out if she stayed there." Manila nodded. "Alex is at the door. He won't come in, you can end the conversation at any time."

"Okay." 

Manila nodded, took a breath and stood, and followed Raja through the house to the door. Raja glanced out the window on their way, Julia had remained in the car, as promised. Raja took that as a good sign, and then they stopped before the door and opened it. Alex stood with his hands in his pockets.

"Hi Alex," said Manila, staying behind the threshold close to Raja, who watched carefully. 

"Hey Manila," said Alex, in a friendly, conversational voice, "Haven't seen you in a while."

Manila nodded cautiously, "Yeah, it's been a couple weeks…"

Alex smiled, "We've all been missing you."

Ah, so this was his tactic. Interesting. Raja didn't react.

"Are you going to drop by the office or the studio for a visit? I'd like to catch up."

"Well, uh," said Manila, "Probably not."

"That's disappointing, how come?"

"I don't want to work for you anymore-"

"Manila," said Alex, with a condescending smile, "You don't work for me. I work for _you._ I manage your career for your benefit, remember?"

"Oh. Right…"

Raja held her breath, suddenly worried. Perhaps she shouldn't have had Manila speak to him, maybe her resolve wasn't strong enough and he could manipulate her-

Manila looked incredibly awkward, and said, "Um. You're fired?"

Raja barely held in a laugh. Offence and anger flashed across Alex's face, but he quickly replaced it with smooth confidence, and said, "Unfortunately you don't have the authority to do that-"

Manila bristled, "Well, you fired Raja without even asking me!"

Oh shit. Raja had never asked Manila how she'd reacted to her firing. Apparently it had left her resentful.

"Manila," repeated Alex, ignoring her statement and stepping forward, taking his hands out of his pockets to gesture as he spoke, "I don't think you understand the nature of the contract you're under. You signed it, and so did your mother and I, and you have to complete it. Getting a lawyer involved will just draw it out. I can't imagine who gave you such bad advice." He shot Raja a pointed look, and she glared back, then he continued, "We have to make and deliver the product, which is your series of albums, and then tour again and produce additional content. You'll be rich and famous. Your career is only just beginning, and you could be a great artist."

"Well, I-" said Manila, hesitating, "I'm sorry Alex but I don't want to do it anymore-"

"That doesn't really matter, Manila, you're legally obligated," said Alex, adopting a sympathetic expression, "Come back with us, it'll all be fine. We can change up the schedule, you can have more breaks. If you're having trouble we'll figure it out. You always liked performing, and I've got party dust for you whenever you want it…"

Anger simmered in Raja's stomach, and she vaguely wondered if Alex had planned for Manila to develop a dependency. It was a terrible way to keep someone under control, but it tended to work.

"No, I don't want to," managed Manila, looking disturbed, "My lawyer said-"

"Manila, if you don't come back today the record company will come after all of us-"

Manila paled, eyes widening and looked to Raja.

"That's enough," said Raja, breaking her silence. Alex's eyes snapped to hers. "She said no. Leave her alone."

"You want to give up on your future?" asked Alex, leaning towards Manila, speaking rapidly, "Everything we've worked for down the drain, for what?What kind of life could you possibly have here? _You barely know her._ Everyone will be disappointed in you. Do you want to be poor, do you want to be a failure-"

Manila made a noise in the back of her throat almost like a sob and Raja stepped between them, gripping the door handle, cutting off Alex's eye line, "Get off my front step and don't fucking come back."

With that she slammed the door in his face. 

-

Manila backed into the living room, feeling like she couldn't breathe. It was all crashing onto her, stress, fear, exhaustion- She'd always obeyed what everyone around her had said, she'd never questioned it. Had Alex always talked to her like that, before this? Had her mother? How come she'd never noticed? Why did it feel like this-

Raja stood by the window and watched as the car pulled away. Manila put a hand out against the wall to steady herself, head spinning. Did everyone from her old life hate her, now? And what would her future even look like? Was she nothing but a failure-

"You alright?" asked Raja, turning to her, her expression blank.

Manila shook her head, trying to breathe, "I don't want to go back, I can't do it-"

"I know. You won't have to."

"But what about the contract?!"

"Bianca's working on your case, you heard her, she thinks there's a strong likelihood that you'll win." Raja's voice was calm, but she seemed far away, like she was at the other end of a tunnel.

The horrible feeling was growing in Manila's chest, and she couldn't catch her breath, "They're going to make me go back- I can't-"

"Listen to me," said Raja, speaking intently, moving closer to Manila and holding her gaze, brown eyes serious, "Even if the worst possible scenario plays out, if you do have to fulfill the contract and they deny you everything you're asking for, I won't leave you. Understand? Even if I have to wait with you in the recording studio every damn day until it's done. _You will not be alone."_

Manila nodded, trying not to cry. A few tears leaked down her cheeks anyway.

"Now breathe, okay?" continued Raja, "In through your nose and out through your mouth, count to ten-"

Manila took a deep breath, and then another, slowly calming her panicked body. Raja stood in front of her, watching carefully, and then she turned and sat down on the couch and Manila joined her. Manila took a few more breaths and managed to slow her racing thoughts.

They sat together in silence, the warm pleasant afternoon sun still streaming in the window. Manila glanced at Raja, who appeared deep in thought, arms crossed. Manila slumped further back into the couch and then shifted over so that she was leaning against Raja's arm, resting her head against the side of her shoulder. Raja vaguely patted her head in response. As worried as Manila was, and as stressful and difficult as this whole situation was, she was still here.

And she knew that Raja actually cared.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Manila's birthday and Raja starts thinking about the future. Raja and Raven have a minor parenting disagreement and Manila has fun with some hair bleach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did tag this story "eventual fluff" and the good old domestic family fluff is here my friends, 4.3k of it, so rot your teeth on that. also raja and raven have huge stoner auntie energy and it MUST be explored. we will return to the regularly scheduled angst and plot next week lmao  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> also they smoke and talk about weed in this chapter, so minor warning for that.

It was odd, reflected Raja, because while they waited for Bianca to prepare Manila's case and their court date slowly approached… life just continued. Raven worked at her job, Manila went to school, Raja worked part-time at the gym and the martial arts studio and dealt with Manila's chaos as it came up. They were falling into a routine, and Raja found herself getting used to it.

In the meantime, Raja began to look for full-time work again. Ideally, she wouldn't take another bodyguard contract until after their court appearances were over. She liked teaching self-defence and martial arts classes, but it wasn't exactly lucrative. Bodyguard contracts, while demanding, were. So she took a look at what was available, and put her name out into the world again. 

But nothing viable was coming up. Melissa Etheridge was doing yet another farewell tour and Raja smirked to herself while she looked at the job posting. Raven would be quite jealous if Raja was working for her former teenage crush. But working on a tour would mean being away, and Raja didn't particularly want to be away again any time soon, so musicians were out of the question. Perhaps next year. Raja kept looking.

"You need an old Hollywood type," said Raven, when Raja complained about it later, "Somebody who was famous in the fifties or sixties, who no one really knows anymore but who still thinks they're famous enough to need you. Someone who has money to burn, and is a little bit paranoid, who might go to a gala or a luncheon every once in a while, but otherwise just wants a hot bodyguard to show off when they go out to buy furs, or whatever it is rich people do. And say no to night shifts."

"Did you come up with this profile yourself?" asked Raja, joking but nonetheless impressed. Raven had just described the ideal job for Raja to take, if Manila was still living with them after the court case was over. Raja hated the uncertainty of everything, and she hadn't been sleeping well.

"Yes, I know exactly what you need," replied Raven, leaning in and kissing Raja on the cheek. "And frankly, it's what I need as well. Manila and I would not function alone."

"You totally could," teased Raja, "You're good with kids, your nieces love you."

"My nieces are five and seven, all they need to be happy is orange slices and a playground."

"Manila responds positively to orange slices."

"You know what?" said Raven, "You're right, I can always fall back on that."

-

"Hey, guess what?"

"What?" replied Raja mildly, sipping coffee, looking at her phone and only half-paying attention to Manila's question. They were eating breakfast at the kitchen table before school and work. Raven was at the other end of the kitchen, getting ready to leave. 

"It's my birthday today, I'm sixteen."

That got Raja's attention. She looked at up Manila, who had a happy, awkward smile on her face. 

"Aw, happy birthday honey!" called Raven from the other end of the room. 

"Yeah, happy birthday," added Raja, her reaction delayed. She'd completely forgotten that Manila's birthday was coming up. Raja knew the date, she'd been filling it out on forms, but hadn't realized how soon it was.

Manila finished eating breakfast, scrolling through her phone, and then went back into her room. Raven was making for the door and Raja followed her out of the kitchen.

"We should to get her something," said Raja, as Raven looked for her car keys in the recesses of her bag.

"Yeah, a cake or whatever would be nice."

"Turning sixteen is kind of a big deal, right?" said Raja, scratching the back of her head, "And it's her first birthday without her mom, so… "

"It's only a big deal if you make it into one, babe," replied Raven, opening the door.

"So what should I do?"

"I think this is a problem you need to solve on your own," said Raven, stepping outside, "Because I'm going to be late for work."

"Wow, so helpful," replied Raja with gentle sarcasm, stepping forward to kiss her girlfriend goodbye.

-

Soon enough Manila left for school, and Raja checked her to-do list for the day. Then she put it aside and wandered into the kitchen. Going out to get Manila a birthday cake at the last minute would probably be a hassle and an unnecessary expense, so she checked the cupboards for ingredients and decided she had the time and wherewithal to bake a cake herself.

As Raja took a cookbook out of the cupboard and flipped through it for a recipe, she recalled her own sixteenth birthday. It hadn't started out well, she'd woken up hungover on Carmen's couch and had wandered into school late and slept through most of her classes, then got a donut off the butch military recruiter set up in the hallway. She'd made her way home later, only to find her parents were fighting, again. 

And neither of them had even remembered it was her birthday.

Raja couldn't stand being around when her parents were fighting. But her options were limited to Carmen's couch again, one of the punk party houses around the block or the hour-long bus ride across town to her auntie's apartment. Raja took the third option and knocked on the door unannounced. This wasn't an unusual occurrence, she would just show up out of the blue every couple weeks, although Raja never stayed there for very long. But her auntie, despite having two young kids of her own, never seemed surprised to see Raja appear at the door in all her angry, lost, combative teenage glory.

But this time when Raja knocked, her auntie greeted her with a smile and a hug, which Raja accepted somewhat resentfully in the moment but upon reflection realized it was very much needed. And then her little cousins appeared out of nowhere, yelling, and threw flour at her. 

Raja's auntie embraced her Indonesian cultural identity far more than either of Raja's parents who, as far as Raja had been able to tell, just wanted to blend in with other Americans. It had been to certainly Raja's detriment, and perhaps it had been part of their unhappiness. But she tried not to judge them too harshly, especially now that it was all behind her. Her auntie's apartment had had houseplants everywhere and it always smelled like food, and her little cousins spoke rapid Indonesian and English and her auntie calmly ruled from the centre of it all. She never took any of Raja's bullshit, even though she was barely five foot two and Raja had been taller than her since she was twelve. And she never turned her away.

Raja was never exactly sure how her auntie guessed she would appear at her door on her birthday, because she'd made pisang goreng and honeycomb cake, and her little cousins teased her mercilessly and they managed to have a small celebration. At least someone cared, even if her parents were lost in their own dysfunctional chaos.

But Raja didn't stay there, in fact Raja couldn't recall what she'd done or where she'd gone that night. Her life went in the direction that it did, and she drank more and did drugs, and slowly stopped living anywhere, bouncing between party houses and couches and her parents place, barely, and then fucked off to the military when her options ran out. Maybe her adolescence could've been more stable if she'd spent more time with her auntie.

But it didn't help to dwell on the past. Raja wasn't exactly Manila's parent, but ignoring her birthday felt wrong. So Raja decided on a recipe, played _Bikini Kill_ on her portable speaker and went about making a cake.

-

When Manila arrived home after school the house smelled amazing. She put her bag down and made a beeline for the kitchen. It looked the same, except that on the kitchen table there was a cake topped with homemade icing in a square pan resting on a wire rack. Manila looked around, wondering if anyone else was home. Was this for her? It was her birthday, but maybe it was here for some other reason-

Raja appeared at the edge of the room.

"Happy birthday, again," said Raja, gesturing vaguely at the cake.

Manila blinked and looked back at the cake. It was for her.

"Did you make it?" asked Manila. It seemed unusual, Raja was a great cook but she didn't really seem like the baking type. But she'd clearly gone out of her way to do this, the evidence was right before her and Manila couldn't help the smile that was growing on her face. 

"Yeah," said Raja, putting her hands in her pockets, "I just figured, you know, it's your birthday. I don't know what you're used to, but I hope you like chocolate-"

A happy, warm feeling was growing rapidly in Manila's chest. 

"It's awesome, thank you!" replied Manila and then she darted forward and quickly hugged Raja before dodging back.

"No problem," replied Raja hurriedly, "Anyway, do you want to do anything tonight to celebrate?"

Manila considered it for a moment. Her last few birthdays had been, well… her mom always got her something nice and expensive, and sometimes she got to see her dad but he didn't really know her all that well. When she'd turned thirteen he'd forgotten her birthday altogether and she'd screamed and yelled until her mom made her be quiet. Manila hadn't really had any close friends to celebrate with either. In the years in Florida when she competed in the pageants her mom always threw big elaborate birthday parties for her, but they were more to show off to the other pageant moms and girls. Those girls had been Manila's competitors rather than her friends, but at least Latrice had been there.

But now she did actually have friends. And there was cake, which smelled amazing.

"Can I invite Adore and some people over?" asked Manila, shy. She hadn't had any of her friends come by the house yet, but she regularly talked about Adore to Raja.

"Yeah, sure."

"They can have some of this cake, right?"

"Definitely," replied Raja, cracking a smile, "In fact that's probably for the best, because if you let Raven at it we won't get any."

Manila laughed, and then got her phone out and texted Adore. Adore immediately responded with _omg why didn't you say it was your birthday??_ and said she'd be over soon and she'd bring some people. When Manila looked up Raja was cutting two pieces and putting them aside on a plate.

"Hey!" protested Manila, "Isn't it mine?"

"But I made it," said Raja, offering her a smirk, "And I want some before your friends devour it."

-

In no time at all there were four very loud teenage girls in Raja's living room, eating cake and shouting and taking pictures. Raja let Manila borrow her portable speaker and hid out in the bedroom. When Raven got home from work she entered their bedroom, looking dishevelled and amused by the scene in the living room.

"I see you solved the problem on your own. They're so loud. Have we been exiled?"

"Yeah, and I didn't expect this," laughed Raja, handing her the plate with the two pieces of cake she'd set aside, "I thought she'd want to go to the mall or something."

"Ooh, cake! Thanks babe," replied Raven, flopping on the bed next to Raja and taking the cake with enthusiasm, "She's too cool for the mall now, it's your bad influence."

There was nothing to do for it but smoke some weed, order a few pizzas for the girls and wait the party out.

The good thing about it, considered Raja, while she cuddled with Raven, getting pleasantly high and watching _Blue Planet_ while music and voices echoed from the living room, was that Manila actually sounded happy.

Later on, after hearing the door close for final time Raja cautiously emerged from the bedroom to see what destruction had been wrought upon the living room. Other than an empty cake pan and a bunch of dirty plates and empty pizza boxes, all seemed well. But Manila was standing by the door, looking lost. 

"Hey, did you have a good time?" called Raja to her, breaking down a pizza box. 

"Yeah," said Manila, turning to her, "It was super fun. Adore is so cool, it was so great that she brought everyone over."

"That's great."

Manila nodded and looked at the floor, then she said, "I hope I get to stay here."

Raja didn't really know what to say. The uncertainty was exhausting and stressful, the worry had been building up. Both herself and Raven were starting to care about Manila, more than either of them would admit. Raja put the pizza box down and looked at Manila, then sighed, "We'll know after we appear in court. Don't worry about it too much, we're doing everything we can."

"Yeah, I know."

But Manila still looked sad. So Raja said the only thing that came into her still-high mind, "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" asked Manila, cocking her head to one side.

"You're sixteen."

"Well yeah, _I know!_ " scoffed Manila, laughing and rolling her eyes and then helped Raja gather up the dishes.

-

Even later that night, as she was going to bed, Raja remembered another equally important birthday coming up in a couple months.

"Babe," said Raja, flicking her glasses up onto her head and looking up from where she was reading over some legal documents in bed. Raven was picking laundry up off the floor, "What do you want for your birthday this year?"

"What I always want," replied Raven calmly, "To take a week off work and go camping in the desert with you."

Raja nodded. It was what they'd done for the past few years; take some time off work, pack up their camping gear and far more weed than was responsible to carry over state lines and drive out into the desert. They would hit Saguaro National Park and other cactus-heavy areas because Raven enjoyed seeing cacti in the wild, such was her obsession with the plants beyond just raising them competitively in the yard. Raja enjoyed the time off together, the hiking and the fact that Raven usually gave her control over the music while they drove. Except for one memorable time when Raven had insisted on Bruce Springsteen and Raja had complained for a full thirty minutes only to have Raven pull over somewhere in the wilderness and climb on top of her, pushing the seat back down and fucking her thoroughly in the hot car until Raja was sweaty, exhausted and had very much stopped complaining about anything at all.

"So… " said Raja, "Are we going to bring her along this year?"

Raven paused, looking surprised, a shirt in her hands, "Huh, I didn't think of that. I guess everything is really going to be different if she stays."

They stared at one another. 

"We'll need an extra tent."

"Has she ever been camping before?"

"She's going to get bored for sure. I can hear her whining already."

Raja laughed, "Okay, maybe she can… I don't know. Maybe she can stay by herself while we're gone?"

"She doesn't know how to cook yet, babe," chuckled Raven, "She'll be living off frozen pizza and pop tarts."

"Could we push it back a few months…?"

Raven sent her a glare, "I refuse to miss the flowering season."

The flowering season was admittedly very beautiful. While Manila seemed to be opening up to new experiences, dragging her through the desert with them for a full week seemed like a bit much. They were all adjusting to one another relatively well, but having Manila live with them was a serious commitment and it impacted almost every aspect of their lives. Not in ways that were necessarily bad, considered Raja as she watched Raven toss some socks into the laundry basket, just new.

"Damn it!" said Raven suddenly, throwing up her hands, "If she's coming with us that means yet more quiet sex!"

"It's not my fault you're so bad at being quiet-"

"It is!" replied Raven, pointing at her accusatorially, "It is _literally_ your fault-"

Raja laughed, and then patted the pillow next to her and whispered suggestively, "Why don't you come here and show me just how bad you are at staying quiet, babe? Or am I going to need to get the gag out this time?"

-

The week passed and all of a sudden it was Friday after school and Manila was bent over the edge of the bathtub at Adore's house, water running over her head and down her face. Adore giggled and held the shower head up, her opposite hand carding awkwardly through Manila's hair. Manila's hair had gotten quite long since she's last cut it, and the thick curls were becoming unruly.

"It's going to look so good, I can't wait," enthused Adore.

"Yeah, totally-" replied Manila, though the water pouring down her face. "Is it washed out yet?"

Adore's own hair was dyed green, and when Manila had asked about it Adore had smiled hugely and said she'd done it with her mom. This was surprising to Manila, who's own mother got her hair professionally dyed but would have erupted with rage had Manila done anything to her own. Manila's hair was part of her image, as she'd been frequently reminded. 

But not anymore. 

So when Adore said she thought all the bleach was probably out Manila raised her sopping head and laughed when Adore threw a towel at her. Manila wrapped it around her head and sat on the edge of the tub. Music played from Adore's speaker. Then Adore got out the hair dryer and insisted that Manila not look at the mirror until she was done. It took forever for all of Manila's hair to dry, and the hot air tickled her neck while they talked about school drama and outer space and how hot Adore thought Hayley Kiyoko was.

And then finally Adore declared that Manila could look in the mirror. Manila turned around and shrieked, which made Adore shriek as well and then they both laughed hysterically. Manila had a very sloppy blonde streak bleached into the hair at the top right hand side of her forehead. Adore hadn't been too careful, so there were areas around it that had had bits of blonde as well. That and blow-drying her hair made it puff up like dandelion fluff. 

She looked ridiculous, but somehow Manila didn't care, unable to suppress her smile because Adore was yelling, "Oh my god, it looks so good!" and clutching her and jumping up and down, "I could _totally_ be a professional hair stylist!"

-

Manila eventually walked home from Adore's and entered the quiet house. The car was out front and Raven's purse was sitting on the recliner. Manila kicked off her shoes and wandered through, dropping her bag in her room, and glanced out the kitchen window to see Raven sitting on one of the chairs out back in the shade. One hand was scrolling through her phone and she had a joint held in the other. Raven's blonde hair was loose, as it always was when she let it down after work.

Manila decided to join her, opening the back door and stepping outside. She flopped into the chair next to Raven. Raven said a vague hello and then looked up from her phone. 

And immediately burst into laughter. 

Manila grinned back and touched the blonde streak in her hair, "Do you like it?"

"Yeah," managed Raven, catching her breath, "Honey, it looks… well. It looks great."

Manila warmed at the compliment, "Thank you!"

"Your friend did it?"

"Yeah," said Manila, wanting nothing more than to talk about Adore, "Adore had some leftover bleach. She's so cool, she's the one I'm in the band with! Her mom helped her dye her own hair green, and it looks _amazing._ "

"She sounds great, you should bring her over sometime," said Raven with a knowing smile, taking an inhale on her joint, "Man, I forgot what teenagers are like. You should've seen my hair back in the day, it was an absolute disaster, I kept trying dye it black. At one point I had a mullet, I'll show you the photos some time, Raja never lets me hear the end of it."

Manila nodded in acknowledgement as Raven blew smoke away from her general direction. The smell of weed drifted over to her nonetheless. Raven looked back at her phone and Manila looked out at the tiny yard, and Raven's organized chaos of potted cacti. Then she glanced back, pulling her knees up in the chair, as Raven tapped off the ash into the overflowing ashtray. Both Raja and Raven smoked weed semi-regularly, but it was something they didn't tend to do around Manila. Manila was loosely aware of Raja's setup in the basement where she grew and dried the plants.

"Hey, um," asked Manila, emboldened by her newly bleached hair and Raven's friendly nonchalance, "Can I try some?"

Raven looked mildly surprised for a moment, and then glanced down at the joint in her hand. Then she shrugged.

"Sure, it's mostly harmless," said Raven, offering Manila the joint, "So you hold onto the filter, okay, don't burn your fingers, and you inhale like that… "

Manila inhaled and coughed and Raven gently teased her about it, the smell clinging to the two of them.

-

When Raja arrived home from the gym the house was mostly quiet, but she could hear conversation from the back as she walked through. She opened the back door to see Raven and Manila sitting in the cracked plastic chairs on the questionable patio behind the house. The first thing Raja noticed was the sloppy blonde streak in Manila's hair, and the smell of weed. The second thing she noticed was that Manila was holding the joint, and passing it back to Raven, who was gently teasing her about her lack of technique. Raja's eyebrows drew together. 

"Hey," she said, announcing herself. 

"Oh, hey babe!"

"Hi Raja!"

Raja offered Manila a friendly look of acknowledgement then fixed Raven with an even stare.

"Raven, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah," replied Raven vaguely, looking around, "We have a third chair somewhere, right?"

"No, inside."

Manila glanced between the two of them. Raven raised her eyebrows and quickly butted out the joint then stood up, ruffling Manila's hair as she walked by, to which Manila giggled and asked Raja if she'd noticed her new blonde streak. Raja quickly said that she had noticed, and complimented it, and then said she'd be back in a minute. She shut the door, and turned to Raven. 

"You gave her weed?"

"Yeah, I think we're bonding, it's nice-"

Raven didn't seem to see the problem. Raja ran a hand over her head in frustration. 

"You can't just do that, you know she has substance issues-"

"She's not going to get dependent on weed, Raja-"

"But what if she does?" said Raja, frustrated, "We need to talk about these things together before you just go giving her a drug-"

Raven threw up her hands, "A drug that _we grow-_ "

"That's not the point, what if she mentions this to somebody? We need to set an example, we have this whole court thing coming up. Everything we do right now can we used against us-"

"Raja, babe," sighed Raven, stepping forward and gripping Raja's arms, "We're not being watched. She asked me if she could try it. I said sure, because she's a kid and she's going to experiment anyway because that's what kids do. It may as well be here, right? I wasn't going to let her get blazed out of her mind, relax."

"I don't think it's safe for her-"

"I happen to think," interrupted Raven, "That it's a hell of a lot safer for her to smoke _our_ weed here a couple times, so that when she's out in the world she'll already know what it feels like than to go out totally naive. If someone gives her a sketchy supply that's laced with something, she'll be able to tell the difference, right?"

Raja hadn't considered that angle, and thought it over. While Manila was mature in some ways, her range of experience was very specific. Raven cocked her head to one side and pursed her lips, waiting for a response. Raja drew out her silence, knowing Raven was right but not wanting to admit it. Raven spoke first.

"It's not like she's going to suddenly start getting stoned every night," insisted Raven, gesturing, "It's not like we do… well, not anymore. If we pretend like occasionally smoking some weed is some big scary adults-only thing, that's not doing her any good either. I've literally been smoking since I was twelve, and we should all be grateful it's not cigarettes anymore. She'll be fine."

Raja finally acquiesced, "Okay fine, you're right. But we need to keep an eye on her…"

Raven pulled her in for a hug, and whispered in her ear, "It's hilarious to me that you're the strict one."

"I'm not _strict-_ " complained Raja.

Raven just laughed and let Raja go and moved back out into the yard, calling to Manila, "Hey honey, Raja's gonna tell you a great story about this one time when we were hiking and she wrestled a coyote-"

"What?!" exclaimed Manila, from outside. 

"That's not what happened… " sighed Raja, rolling her eyes and following Raven out the door. Once in the yard she took in Manila's excited smile as the teenager immediately began to talk about her friend Adore again, who was apparently the reason behind the downright ridiculous streak in her hair. Raven sat down in her chair again, relaxed and asked a few questions which Manila answered them happily. Raja decided that everything was, in fact, fine. 

Then she searched for the third chair.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila's music video is released, and she has a confrontation with a classmate at school. Raja attempts to handle it, but her insecurities flare up and mistakes are made, but Raven manages to smooth things over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life is hard and teenagers are gross and crazy and being a parent isn't easy AT ALL. this is monster chapter almost 6k words but i'm quite happy with it and i hope y'all are too :) ... and the plot sutmbles along.  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420
> 
> tw: trauma response to past sexual assault, also obsessive compulsive behaviour.

"Her music video dropped."

Raja rose from the couch and went over to where Raven was sitting in the recliner with her laptop open. The cursor was hovering over a youtube video from the _ManilaVEVO_ account, the post time said one hour ago. It was the video Manila had shot right after returning from the tour, when Raja was still working as her bodyguard and Raven had been hired to do the makeup.

"Turn the sound off," said Raja and Raven did so with a click of her nail on the keyboard. The video began with a big dance number. Manila was charming, all smiles and neat choreography. But Raja recalled the hundreds of takes, Manila's exhaustion and the repeated hits of cocaine she took to get through it. There were a few cute close-ups against a colourful studio backdrop. The desert scene was particularly unsettling to Raja, given the way the camera lingered on Manila's body while the sheer cape billowed behind her. The teenager fell dramatically to her knees during the bridge, the camera passing over her face. But then it cut back to the dance scenes, and Manila flashed her happy smile at the camera, her dark curly hair bouncing as she moved. 

"Well," said Raven dryly, when it was over, "That contained far more lingering shots of a fifteen-year-old in lingerie than I ever needed to see in my life."

Raja grunted in agreement, picked at her lip in irritation and then leaned over Raven's shoulder to touch the trackpad on her laptop. She scrolled down through some of the comments. 

_Oh my god this is so slutty what happened to her?!_

_one more hannah montana turned into a miley cyrus lmfao_

_when did she get SO HOT im thirsty af_

_i heard she's selling locks of her hair on ebay anybody have a link?_

"Do you think she's seen it yet?" asked Raven. 

"She hasn't said anything. Why would they release it now, the timing is weird-" muttered Raja, standing up and pacing, "She's not even around! You'd think Alex would hold off-"

"I'm sure somebody at the record company knows," said Raven, scrolling through more of the comments, "About that producer, Jason whatever, and his behaviour. She can't be the first one. I bet they're trying to get ahead of a sexual assault accusation, in case she takes it to the press right? Because unfortunately this is a great way to convince the public she was asking for it..."

"Ugh, fuck!" exclaimed Raja, pacing back and forth.

It was cunning on the record label's part. It made Raja feel impossibly small, like she was battling a hydra and every time she chopped one head off, three more would pop up in it's place, each as insidious as the last. That, and the video would just draw more attention to Manila at her school, right when things were starting to become normal.

Raja walked over to Manila's room and knocked on the door. Manila called her in and Raja entered, closing the door behind her. Manila was sitting on her bed, homework in front of her, taking an earbud out. 

"Your music video was released today," said Raja.

"Oh," said Manila, looking confused, "Right. I almost forgot about it. Did you watch it?"

"Yeah, we watched it," replied Raja, cautiously anticipating an emotional outburst.

"Did I look okay?"

Raja hadn't expected that question. _They really did a number on you_ wasn't exactly a good answer.

"Yeah," said Raja, carefully, "You looked cool, and cute. Your makeup was nice, the choreography was sharp."

Manila nodded vaguely, and then said, "Is it okay if I don't watch it? People are probably going to ask me about it at school, and I'd rather not even know."

"Yeah, that's fine," replied Raja, relieved. It was probably for the best. "Let me know if anything's bothering you, alright?"

"Alright. Well, I have to finish these science questions, so…"

Raja recognized she wasn't needed, retreated and shut the door. 

-

It was maybe two in the morning that night and Raja couldn't sleep, pacing the house as she thought over their upcoming court case. If the judge sided with the record company regarding Manila's contract, she would be made to complete it, which meant working with the producer who had assaulted her. The judge might also side with Manila's mother, which meant Manila would have to go back to living in an abusive situation with her. And while Manila had escaped once, it was unlikely she'd ever have the opportunity to get away a second time. Raja flicked the edge of the curtain, glancing out into the street. Nobody was out at this time of night. Good. It was awful having to deal with Julia and Alex appearing at the door and harassing her and Manila. As their court date approached the threat of Manila being taken away from her was eating at Raja, circling endlessly in her mind. 

Raja paced to the back of the house, pausing at Manila's bedroom door and listening. Nothing but quiet breathing. Was her window locked? Yes, Raja had gone in earlier and checked it before Manila had gone to bed. Raja prowled over to double-check the back door, then the kitchen window, and paced through the kitchen to the front door. Unlocking and locking the front door again, and Raja moved back into the living room to twitch the curtains and glance into the street, feeling the locks on those windows. The street was empty, but wait, there was peripheral movement-

"Babe."

Raja flinched, and looked over to see Raven standing in the bedroom doorway in a robe, arms crossed. Her wavy blonde hair was up in a wrap, as she occasionally did at night after washing it.

"What?"

"You're doing that thing again."

"What thing?" asked Raja, defensive.

"That thing where you like… secure the perimeter."

Raja frowned, and let the curtain fall shut. 

Raven sighed again, shifting her weight from one hip to the other, "I heard you locking all the windows, and checking the doors. How many times have you done that tonight?"

Raja's mind was moving rapidly, cold, flicking through the possibilities over and over. Raven obviously didn't understand, because Raja had to protect them both; Raven, and Manila now too, and the only way to do that was by securing everything, holding it all in place-

"I can't just leave it-" Raja's voice was odd, tense to her ears.

"That's not you talking to me right now," said Raven, her eyes glinted in the darkness, her voice even and serious. "I know how you feel, we've been over it-"

"I have to protect her-"

"I know you. You do this _every time_ your mental health gets bad. But you don't get to treat our home like it's a damn prison."

Raja took a moment to breathe in and out and tried to calm her racing mind.

Raven walked over to Raja and took her hand, squeezing it. 

"No one is going to come for her in the middle of the night," continued Raven, "We're safe. The best thing you can do for everyone right now is to stop pacing and go to sleep. Take some melatonin if you need it."

For some reason Raven squeezing her hand was what did it, and Raja took a mental step back, seeing her anxious, compulsive behaviour for what it was. It did happen sometimes, the anxiety would sneak up on her and every time it felt life-threateningly important. But every time the perceived threat wasn't really there, it was just an unfortunate manifestation of her PTSD. She took another few deep breaths and repeated her meditation mantras. And then she pulled Raven in for a hug, holding her tight. 

-

Manila knew that school was going to be weird today. But she hadn't expected it to end up like this. 

Her music video dropped last night, and it already had three hundred thousand views. Manila hadn't watched it and intended to keep it that way, deciding that that part of her life was behind her. But she knew many of her classmates would have seen it, so she tried her best to act normal, like nothing had happened.

Adore asked her about it, of course, and because they were close friends Manila gave her an explanation. Then she said that she'd really prefer not to talk about it with anyone else. So when people did bring it up, Adore snapped at them until they dropped the subject. Manila was grateful for Adore's friendship, her heart beating a little faster when Adore sat next to her, their arms brushing together. 

But many people were looking at her again, almost like the first day and Manila moved through the crowds in the halls uncomfortably. Lunch wasn't too bad, she'd just holed up with Adore down at the far end of the math hallway and they'd scrolled through TikTok on Adore's phone together while they ate. Manila tried not to think about the music video. The final bell rolled around and Manila was heading to her locker with Adore, grateful that the day was almost over.

"Hey, Manila." 

She turned. It was some blond guy from her science class, named Evan or Ethan or something, with a group of other guys behind him. 

"Saw your video last night, you looked hot," he smirked and made a jerking-off motion, "Didn't know you were _like that,_ I had a pretty good time with it."

The guys behind him oohed and laughed loudly, shifting around. Getting their phones out. Anticipatory grins. Everyone looking at her. 

"Shut up, that's gross," said Manila, feeling her face turn red as she frowned. This guy wasn't even that intimidating, even though he stood a few inches taller than her. But a horrible feeling was rising in her chest. It wasn't like he could make her do anything, they were at school, there were people around-

"Gonna get down on your knees like that for me?" he laughed, and sang the chorus of the song at her mockingly.

Something in Manila snapped. 

"Shut the fuck up!" she shouted and launched herself at him. His eyes opened wide in shock and behind her Adore yelled something. Manila shoved him against the locker and hit him across the face as hard as she could. The slap was loud and Adore shrieked, her voice high and thrilled. Hot adrenaline rose in Manila's blood. Evan or Ethan yelled something incoherent and shoved her, and Manila stumbled back and shouted at him.

"You can't make me do it!"

They shoved at one another again, the guy's eyes wild and shocked, his face rapidly turning red where she'd hit him. The escalation was sudden and visceral but Manila couldn't back down, she had to make him stop, she grabbed the front of his shirt with her left hand and brought her right back up-

-

Raja's phone rang loudly from it's position on the window ledge of the gym. She glanced over at the noise and promptly received a hard kick to her side. 

"Ow! My phone's ringing-" she managed to say to her sparring partner, Kameron, who nodded and backed down. Raja jogged across the mat-covered floor and picked her phone on the fourth ring. 

"Hello Raja, this is Sheila Jackson from Manila's school."

"Yes, Sheila, hi," replied Raja crossing her arm, her shirt sticking to her chest with sweat. That kick from Kameron was probably going to bruise later.

"There's been an incident," continued Sheila, calmly, "Manila was fighting with another student. I have them in my office and I'd like it if their respective parents could come down and have a conversation with them."

"Do you mean like physically fighting?" asked Raja, vaguely unnerved by Sheila's use of the word _parent,_ and looked around for her things, shifting her phone from one ear to the other. Waving to Kameron and the others, Raja left the gym and proceeded to the locker room. 

"Yes," said Sheila, "Apparently he said something disparaging to her and she reacted strongly."

Raja sighed deeply, distinctly feeling her lack of sleep, and privately wondered if she had time to shower before leaving. Probably not. She promised she'd be there as soon as possible, hung up and pulled her sweaty shirt over her head. 

It wasn't that far from the gym to the school and Raja decided to walk, since Raven had the car today and it wouldn't save time to get an Uber. Raja walked into the school and was waved through to Sheila's office. Raja had the feeling that she and Sheila Jackson would know each other quite well by the end of the year. 

Manila was sitting in a chair, arms crossed, a massive frown on her face. The other kid was in a chair next to her. He had short blond hair, a distinctly reddened and swollen cheek, and an angry look on his face with a few tear tracks. There was a blonde woman standing next to him, looking impatient. Raja shifted, taking off her sunglasses and quickly pulling her hair back into a ponytail, vaguely wishing she was wearing a work suit rather than gym shorts and a loose tank top thrown hastily over her sports bra.

"Raja, thank you for coming," said Sheila, nodding to her. At least Sheila appeared calm.

"No problem," replied Raja, moving next to Manila, and putting a hand on her shoulder, "You okay?"

"I'm _fine._ "

Manila clearly wasn't fine.

"Okay, well-"

"She attacked my son," announced the woman across from her, her voice accusatory, "Look at his face!"

Raja ignored her, crouching down next to Manila, who fidgeted, pouting.

"Raja, he was talking about my video, and-"

"What we understand to have happened," said Sheila in a calm, clear voice, and everyone turned to her, "Is that Ethan here made some rude and disrespectful comments towards Manila based on a video of her that he saw online, and she reacted physically by hitting him across the face-" she gestured towards him, "-as you can see. Then they both shoved one another, and she hit him a second time. At that point an adult intervened."

"What did he say to her?" asked Raja calmly, directing her question to Sheila. Ethan was pointedly looking away.

"He said he watched the music video and he, he jerked off to it!" snapped Manila, looking at Raja, humiliation evident in her face, "And all his friends laughed. That's so gross!"

"That's not what I said!" complained Ethan. 

Raja kept her face calm and blank, and stood back up. High school, what a time. Teenagers were weird, hormonal, semi-adults with the kind of terrible judgement and lack of impulse control that it took say that kind of thing, and subsequently overreact.

"Yeah it is!" argued Manila, glaring at him.

"No it wasn't!"

"Adore was there, she heard it, you can ask her-!"

"I've spoken with Adore and some of Ethan's friends," continued Sheila, "They confirmed that was indeed what Ethan said, although perhaps implied is a better word. After that Manila asked him to stop, and he made a joke that involved her kneeling, and then she reacted."

Ah. That clicked, and Raja instantly flashed back to Manila crying on the cold kitchen floor of her mom's condo, telling Raja about how Jason had told her to _get on her knees-_ No wonder Manila had slapped this kid. But another issue clicked into place; Julia had struck Manila in response to her anger and frustration, and now Manila had done the same thing to someone else. And then Raja realized she still hadn't said anything, and everyone was looking at her.

"Well," said Raja, shifting awkwardly, "I think we can all agree that's obviously sexual harassment-"

"It's not sexual harassment! He's sixteen!" snapped Ethan's mother, her blue eyes flashing, "Boys just act out."

"And?" asked Raja, unimpressed. Boys who caused harm often grew up into men who caused harm, if nobody taught them it was wrong. It wasn't an excuse. 

The woman turned to Sheila, "You said this all happened because of a video?" She looked back to Raja, "Well, maybe you should be paying closer attention to what your daughter is posting online. She's obviously out of control-"

Raja hesitated, uncomfortable at the woman's use of the word _daughter._ And on top of that, here was yet another adult blaming Manila for receiving unwanted sexual attention.

"You can't possibly be saying she started it-" began Raja, but Manila cut in.

"I didn't even post that video!" protested Manila, "It was the record company, not me-"

"What on earth does that mean?" snapped the woman, directing her question to Raja. She narrowed her eyes, looking between the two of them suspiciously. 

Manila looked down, obviously hurt. Raja was quickly losing control of the situation and she didn't like it.

"We're in a legal battle with her former record company," explained Raja, forcing her voice to remain calm and professional, hating that she had to explain anything at all to this obnoxious stranger. She'd kept everything Manila was going through as quiet as possible. "What gets posted about her online is outside of my control. We're working on it."

"That's- okay, whatever," dismissed the woman, who Raja was growing to very intensely dislike. The woman gestured at her son, who was hunched in his chair. At least he had the good sense to look embarrassed. "If he loses teeth, you're liable."

"He's not going to lose teeth," responded Raja impatiently, "A slap like that will barely bruise-"

"That's not the point-"

"Then what exactly _is_ your point?" snapped Raja.

"My _point_ is that-"

"Everyone!" Sheila's clear voice brought the attention back to her. 

Raja frowned and looked down. She didn't want to deal with this, this whole thing was stupid and embarrassing and she wasn't a parent. Or maybe she was now but it had only been a few weeks, and the word didn't sit comfortably with her. And this random woman was aggressive and irritating. Raven would probably be doing better in her place, she'd have Ethan's mother verbally pinned to the ground in three seconds flat. Raja could have her physically pinned to the ground in three seconds flat but that was not a viable solution to this problem.

"They will both be getting suspended for a week," stated Sheila, folding her hands together with a certain finality, "What Ethan said was inappropriate but Manila was wrong in her retaliation. Fighting in unacceptable. If there are further issues between them when they get back we'll be looking at harsher discipline."

That incited immediate protest from both teenagers, as well as Ethan's mother. Raja just nodded at Sheila, thanked her and motioned at Manila to follow her, turning to the door. Manila stomped after her, still protesting loudly as they left the building. Raja looked around. The school yard was mostly empty, and Raja walked over to a bench by the parking lot and sat down. Manila followed her, still complaining, and threw her backpack onto the bench, sitting and crossing her arms.

"Are we going home?"

"Not yet."

"Why?" whined Manila.

"Because I'd like to hear about what happened from you," said Raja, crossing one leg over the other. It was hot out, she could feel the sweat from the gym on her back. Hopefully she'd sleep better tonight.

"I already told you!"

Raja looked straight ahead and sat back, waiting patiently for Manila to open up. She could pretend to take a nap if need be. This was a tactic that tended to work, as much as she'd prefer not to use it. The silence stretched on.

"It was his fault," began Manila, and Raja turned to face her. Manila's expression was pinched. "I wasn't even doing anything and he just started talking to me, saying- saying that. I barley know him!"

Raja nodded. 

"He thinks he can get away with saying things like that to me, and I- I just couldn't," Manila took an angry breath, "He deserved to be slapped-"

"No one deserves to be hit," said Raja, staying calm, "Unless they're attacking you first, understand?"

"He did deserve it!"

Raja sighed. She wasn't sure where to draw the line or how to bring up the fact that Manila was echoing Julia's behaviour, or that the extremity of her reaction was likely due to the fact that she'd been sexually assaulted barely three months ago. Manila had to process her trauma, and learn how to manage her reactions so future situations wouldn't escalate like this. But that was something an actual parent or a _therapist_ should be doing. But no, this upset, traumatized teenager with a short fuse was Raja's responsibility now.

"He doesn't get to make me- to tell me to do things for him," repeated Manila, voice raised with a slight edge of panic, "He can't do that- I had to make him stop it!"

Raja shook her head, trying to explain, "Harassment is shitty and unacceptable, but hitting someone because you're upset is not a form of conflict resolution-"

"How come _you_ get to and I can't?" demanded Manila.

Raja looked at her in shock, and then realized.

"Because it's my _job,_ " responded Raja, concerned that Manila was correlating the two things. Surely she could see they were very different? "And I don't just randomly hit people, it's something I'm trained and qualified for and paid to do. But using force is a last resort Manila, _obviously-_ "

"It's not fair!" shouted Manila. Manila wasn't calming down. How the hell was Raja supposed to get her to calm down-

"You think I just go around assaulting people in my day to day life, when something happens that I don't like?" demanded Raja.

"No! But, I-" struggled Manila, "I don't care. I am not getting on my knees for anyone! _Ever!_ "

Raja sighed and looked away, feeling the hot sun beating down on her head. She had no idea what to do, because this was rapidly becoming about a lot more than Manila's confrontation with her classmate.

As Raja returned her gaze to the upset teenager before her, she reflected upon the fact that post-traumatic-stress could happen to anyone, and stem from a wide variety of experiences. Frustrated, Raja was suddenly reminded of herself immediately after having left the military, pre-therapy and pre-recovery. Her auntie had been trying to help her get an apartment, but they were having trouble and Raja had rewarded her by having an angry breakdown in the middle of her kitchen over nothing. Raja didn't know how to talk to Manila about all of this, she'd been lucky enough in her life to avoid sexual abuse or assault, it was all very out of her depth. 

But Raja did know one thing, she sure as hell wasn't anyone's mother. But there were tears in Manila's eyes now-

"Let's just go home," said Raja, rising from the bench, "We can talk about this again once you've had some space."

"Where's the car?" asked Manila, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Raven has the car today-"

"You mean we have to walk!? Ugh! Just get an Uber!" demanded Manila, stomping her foot.

"Don't talk to me like that, I'm on your side!" snapped Raja. It was too hot and she was overwhelmed and this was all far too personal. "I didn't exactly plan this crap into my day-"

"Well- well it's not my problem that you're disorganized!" yelled Manila back, tears beginning to drip down her cheeks.

"I never wanted to be a _parent-_ " spat Raja, and shut her mouth as fast as she possibly could, but it was too late. 

A look of absolute devastation crossed Manila's face. But she quickly covered it with anger and grabbed her backpack, walking away from Raja, shaking with sobs.

Raja looked up at the sky, guilt pooling in her stomach. It was viscerally blue, open and enormous. And it was so fucking hot out. She sent a prayer to any gods that were listening. Manila wasn't even going in the right direction. Raja sighed and walked after her.

-

Manila felt horrible. She curled up in bed, under the covers. Raja didn't want her here. They'd managed to walk the fifteen minutes home, while Manila looked at the ground and tried not to cry. Raja had kept starting to speak and then stopping, and looked frustrated and worried. Raja never usually looked worried, and it just made Manila feel even worse. Hopelessness ached in her chest. There was nowhere else for her to go. Raja was the only person who'd ever actually bothered to stand up to Julia, and Manila couldn't go back to her life before-

Manila thought Raja cared about her, but obviously she didn't. Manila wasn't really part of Raja's life, she was just a burden-

A knock at the door, and then Raven's voice, "Hey honey, you in there?"

Manila sat up and wiped at her face, which she was sure was pink and blotchy from crying. She got up and opened the door. Raven stood there, still in her work clothes, apparently having just arrived home. Manila sniffed. 

"Oh damn, you're crying," said Raven, with surprise, "What happened?"

"Raja said she didn't want me to live here anymore," said Manila, the words slipping out before she could stop them. "She said she never wanted to be a parent-" Manila's breath hitched.

"Woah, hey, it's alright. I think there's been some kind of miscommunication," said Raven, putting her hand out and pausing for Manila to give her a microscopic nod of assent before patting her shoulder, "Is she home?"

"I dunno, yeah."

"Right." Raven pursed her lips, and sighed, "Well, I'm gonna deal with this. You're not going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay… "

"Yeah. Don't worry, just hold tight." With a reassuring nod, she stepped back, looked towards the back door of the house and headed that way. Manila sat down on the floor in her doorframe, sliding onto her back and walking her feet up the other side. The back door was very close to her bedroom, and Raven had left it slightly open. Manila could hear footsteps, and then conversation from the tiny patio.

"Why is she crying in her room?" Raven's voice, steady.

No response. 

"Alright, I'll try again." A tinge of annoyance. "Why are you out here smoking and looking like somebody just died?"

More silence. 

"Wait. Nobody _actually died,_ did they?!"

"No." Raja's low voice, irritated. 

"Give me that." Some shuffling.

"I just needed to calm down, whatever-"

"Stop acting like an idiot. What happened?"

"It's a long story."

"Skip to the important parts."

There was the noise of movement again, and then the back door shut and the voices were muffled. Manila sniffed, and realized she'd stopped crying. She poked at a chip in the paint on the doorframe with her toe. The hard floor pressed into her back. What Raja had said still echoed in her head, even as she came down from the shock of it.

But maybe it would all be okay. Raven had said so, and Raven's opinion seemed to have a lot of weight in Raja's decisions.

The back door opened again, and Manila quickly rolled back into her room, shutting the door, and heard Raven's voice, "-and shower before you talk to her."

"Yeah, just give me a minute," muttered Raja, and her footsteps went gently by Manila's door to the bathroom. Manila heard the noise of the shower running. She lay back down on her bed. The house was small, and it was easy to hear almost everything that happened throughout it, though there were certain quiet spots. Manila remembered her mom's condo, where everything was nice and expensive, but barely lived in. Julia tended to either ignore Manila completely or pressure her to do exactly what she wanted. Manila never felt ignored or pressured here, just casually noticed. Raja and Raven always knocked on her door, and they always waited until she said something to open it.

-

Raja brushed her wet hair and stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, trying to figure out what she could say to Manila. Unfortunately her earlier outburst, while badly timed, was true. Raja had never wanted to be a parent. Having children hadn't featured into either her or Raven's life plans. Admittedly Manila wasn't a small child, but she clearly still needed adults to fill certain roles in her life and Raja was still wrestling with the responsibility of it all.

Raja began to braid her hair, and then stopped, pulling the strands apart. There was no need to act or look like she was at work. But part of her still felt that instinct around Manila, to create a kind of distance between them.

So she just left her hair loose, and changed into some fresh clothing that didn't smell like weed.

Raja went to Manila's door, and knocked. Manila opened the door, looking cautiously at Raja. 

"Can I come in?" asked Raja softly, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah," said Manila, opening the door wider and moving back. Raja stepped inside. The room had transformed since the day the teenager had arrived. All of Raja and Raven's random spare stuff was elsewhere, except the folded-out futon bed which was still where Manila slept. But now there was a bedside table, and an old dresser. Manila had her school stuff around and there were clothes on the floor and more in the closet. Some of the plants had been traded out, they'd offered Manila her pick of which ones she'd like to have in her window. 

Raja sighed and glanced awkwardly at the bed and then decided she'd sit on the floor. She sat down, back against the wall, legs stretched out so her feet were just about under the bed. It was not a very big room. 

Manila watched her cautiously, and then lay down on her stomach on the bed, propping herself up onto her elbows. 

"Right," began Raja, "Well. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But I admit it, being a parent wasn't part of my life plan."

Manila looked away.

"But sometimes the plan doesn't matter and things just happen," said Raja, struggling internally with how to articulate herself, "I know I'm not _actually_ your parent or whatever, but you're young and you've been through some shit, so someone has to look after for you. I guess that person is me now, but… I'm not perfect." 

"I know," said Manila quietly.

"Yeah."

There was silence. Raja could hear Raven moving around in the kitchen, probably getting dinner ready. It was around that time.

"I do care about you," said Raja, "And I want you to stay here, to live with us." There, she'd admitted it loud. "You deserve a life where you can make your own choices, as much as that's possible like, within capitalism and-" Raja stopped herself, she was going in the wrong direction. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, or try to make you do anything. Your life, your choices. But no matter what happens, you're always welcome here. I mean it. I'll never turn you away."

A few tears leaked down Manila's cheek, and she nodded and breathed out a sigh of relief. Raja nodded vaguely and glanced around the room again. The walls were bare. Maybe Manila should get some posters, or make some art and put it up. Teenagers liked art, right? Raja vaguely recalled her own cartoonish adolescent drawings.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," said Manila, looking down at her bedspread, "I just freaked out."

"It's alright."

"I don't know why I said any of it…"

"Well," said Raja, supposing they may as well talk about it now, "We do know why, actually. You've been simultaneously famous and isolated for the past few years. You were assaulted by your producer, who you were supposed to work with and be able to trust. Your mom has been controlling you for your entire life, and then she blamed you for the assault when you went to her for help." Raja paused, and then continued, "Trauma manifests itself in a lot of ways, and you freaking out at that other kid today and yelling at me, well... it's because of that."

Manila blinked at her and then said, "Is, is that how it's always going to be?"

"No," replied Raja, "It won't be. But it needs to be processed, and you'll learn how to manage it, and recognize your reactions for what they are."

Manila nodded, still looking at Raja as if for reassurance.

"But we're going to talk about it, seriously," said Raja, aiming for confidence. Hopefully once their court appearances were over and Raja was working full-time again she could afford to send Manila to a therapist, at least for a couple sessions. If Manila stayed with them. The stress was eating at her, but she put it aside for now. "You have some shit to process. We have plenty of time this week anyway, now that you're a juvenile delinquent."

Manila looked shocked for a moment before she giggled and rolled over onto her back, covering her eyes, "Oh my god, I got suspended for a week! I almost forgot… "

"You're a little hell-raiser," teased Raja. 

"No I'm not! Can I still hang out with Adore when she's done school?"

"Definitely."

Raja got up off the floor and Manila got off her bed and cautiously approached and gave her a quick hug before moving out the door and into the kitchen. Raven looked up from where she was cooking pasta. 

"You two all good?" she asked.

"Yup!" said Manila happily. Her mood seemed to have changed on a dime.

"You gonna kick that kid's ass if he comes near you again?"

Manila hesitated, looking to Raja, who rolled her eyes at Raven's question.

"We're learning other forms of conflict resolution," replied Raja, putting an arm around Manila. 

"I got in fights in high school all the time," said Raven, turning to Manila with a conspiratorial grin, "One time at a field party I was making out with this guy's girlfriend and he caught us and tried to shove me in the bonfire, so I punched him out and he had a black eye for like three weeks, it was awesome. Anyway, I obviously turned out great-"

"I'd argue against that," interrupted Raja, amused. Manila's mouth had fallen open in shock at Raven's story.

"You've been with me for eight years!" laughed Raven.

"Never said I had good taste."

"Adore said she'd slash his tyres," added Manila.

Raja shrugged, and highly doubted Adore would do that. It was a lot more difficult than it sounded to slash tyres effectively. You needed the right kind of blade, the right depth to hit the inner tube, and-

"I hope she does," said Raven, with a wink. An enthusiastic smile broke over Manila's face.

Raja rolled her eyes and opened the cupboards to get out the dishes. It was time to eat and relax and let things be, for now.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manila is trying to figure out all of her feelings and confront her difficult relationship with her mother as their court date looms and finally arrives. Raja's stress is at an all-time high and Raven offers some surprisingly good advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huge thanks to everyone who's been following this story from the beginning or who's just come across it recently. y'all readers make my life good. this was updated a bit later than it should have been because i had to condense two chapters into one for pacing lol. hope you enjoy!   
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

The court date was the day after tomorrow. 

Raja was going over the emails from Bianca on her phone, while shovelling stir-fry and rice into her mouth at the kitchen table. Raven sighed, sitting across from her. Between them at the end of the small table, Manila was moving the food around on her plate with her fork, looking irritated. Raja hadn't been able put her phone down or stop thinking about Manila's case in the past week. There had been repeated meetings with herself, Manila and Bianca as they prepared everything. The stress and worry was eating at her. She hadn't been sleeping very well either, and was beginning to feel like she was running on fumes.

"Babe, can you put your phone down during dinner-" began Raven.

"Why doesn't my mom love me?" interrupted Manila.

The two adults stopped and stared at the teenager. Manila's expression was a combination of angry and forlorn. Raja sighed and put her phone down, then scrubbed at her tired eyes with her free hand. This conversation was not going to be fun. She engaged Raven is a silent battle of wills across the table.

"Well," said Raven, having lost, "Honey, she probably does, at least in her own mind."

Raja blinked, and opened her mouth to say something. Manila looked surprised as well. 

"But," continued Raven, "Just because someone loves you doesn't mean they're going to treat you right, or do what's in your best interests."

Raja caught on to where Raven was going and added, "Yeah, like… I'm sure she does love you. I don't think that's the problem here, the problem is that she's manipulative and she wants to control you and that's harmful."

Manila nodded, glancing between the two of them, suddenly looking very young.

Raja sighed. 

"Look," she said, gesticulating vaguely, "If her behaviour makes you feel anxious, worthless, stressed out and like you need to run from her? Then however much or little she loves you doesn't fucking mean shit."

"Well put," commented Raven dryly. Manila was frowning, confused.

"It doesn't," insisted Raja, looking between the two of them, "It really doesn't. You don't have to accept love that makes you feel like that. Being loved by somebody should make you feel valued, and… comfortable, and like you're able to be yourself. I mean, it's not going to be perfect one-hundred-percent of the time-" Raja glanced back to Raven, who had a small smile on her face, "But it should make you feel better, like in general, you know what I mean?"

"But then why does she make me feel so bad?" asked Manila.

"Some people just are the way they are," answered Raven, sighing.

"But how she acts is not your fault," said Raja, really hoping she could reinforce the point, "Not even remotely. Even when you did everything she wanted it was never enough, right?"

"Right…" said Manila, moving some rice around on her plate, and the continued in a quiet voice, "But sometimes I miss her."

Raja was way too tired to deal with that statement. She didn't know what to say, and she had no idea if she was handling any of this properly. Manila seemed fine most of the time but the approaching court date had everyone stressed out. The silence stretched on as Raja racked her brain for anything remotely helpful.

"You know, I miss my mother too," said Raven, seemingly out of the blue, "But she's an alcoholic, and she's like a black hole. She was neglectful to me and my brother when we were growing up, and every time I tried to help her I ended up getting sucked into her bullshit again. It's not worth it anymore." 

Raven paused. Manila was watching her curiously. Raja already knew about Raven's complex relationship with her dysfunctional family, of course. Raja had witnessed Raven's attempts to navigate their moments of chaos, and helped her through them.

"So yeah, it sucks and it hurts," said Raven, shrugging, "I call my mother on her birthday and major holidays, and if she's sober and we can be respectful to each other then we'll have a conversation. If she's not, well, that's a line I have to draw. It took me years to finally figure out a way to have a relationship with her that's actually healthy. Healthy-ish." Raven paused, looking thoughtful and then continued, "You'll figure it out too. In the meantime, yeah, you're going to miss her and it's going to hurt. But you'll deal with that. Just because you miss her doesn't mean every shitty thing she ever did to you goes away."

Manila nodded, and Raja shot an affectionate look at Raven. Raven occasionally did hit the nail on the head, and Raja was eternally grateful for her presence.

"Well, okay," said Manila, finally, "Yeah, it does hurt. I don't want to live with her anymore, but... she's still my mom."

"Yeah," said Raja, "I know. This will all be clearer once the court bullshit is over. Are you feeling ready?"

"Mostly, yeah."

Manila nodded, apparently to herself, looked back down at her plate, and then began eating again. Silence resumed at the table as everyone finished their food, but the air between them was calmer. Raja left her phone down, and after a couple of minutes she changed the subject to something less serious.

-

"So you're like, going to court tomorrow?"

"Yeah… " replied Manila, walking next to Adore. They were wandering in the direction of the skate park, after school, and the warm afternoon sun beat down on her head. Adore held her skateboard under one arm, and her green hair was fluttering in the wind. Her eyeliner was a little wonky but Manila liked it anyway. Adore was _so_ pretty.

"And then if you win or whatever you'll stay here with your aunt and if you don't, you'll leave?" continued Adore, glancing at Manila. Manila hadn't really explained the entire story to Adore yet, but she'd like to eventually. For now she'd just said that Raja was her aunt. The word felt familial, and it implied that they were related which was a false but nonetheless comforting idea.

"It's kind of complicated but yeah, basically," said Manila, feeling tired, "I really want to stay here, though."

"I would actually miss you so much if you left."

"I'd miss you like crazy."

"And then I'd have to find a new keyboard player," laughed Adore, throwing her head back, the sun illuminating her face.

"That wouldn't be a problem though," insisted Manila, "Your band is awesome, like everyone would want to be in it."

"It's your band too!"

Manila hesitated, and then a smile grew on her face, "Yeah, I guess it is?"

"Totally!"

They fell into silence. Manila let out a breath and adjusted her backpack, she was very nervous for what was going to happen tomorrow and her emotions had been ricocheting all over the place. Seeing her mom again, even from across a room, was going to be difficult. 

"Hey, so uh," said Adore, turning to Manila, pointedly casual, "We could like, hold hands or whatever, if you want. Like until we get to the park. Or we could double on my skateboard?"

"Oh," replied Manila, very confused, palms instantly sweating, "Uh, yeah. Sure."

Adore's hand was warm in hers as they continued down the sidewalk.

-

Manila arrived home with a very concentrated, intense look on her face. Raja observed this from where she was sitting on the couch, folding what felt like an empire's worth of clean laundry. She'd been out all day, running errands and preparing for court the next day. It was exhausting, and she was sore from holding the stress in the back of her neck and shoulders. Manila put her backpack down and sighed loudly. 

"Anything interesting happen today?" asked Raja.

Manila shook her head, and pressing her lips together in silence. Raja figured something had definitely happened and continued with her task. Manila shook her head again, sighed loudly and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. Now Raja was curious, but she didn't pry, respecting the teenager's privacy. It could just be stress about the looming court appearance.

"Adore held my hand!" exclaimed Manila, throwing her hands in the air, looking at Raja in bedraggled agony.

Raja couldn't help it, she laughed. 

"Don't laugh!" complained Manila, "Why did she do that? What does it mean?!"

"Manila," repeated Raja, swallowing her laughter, and taking a moment to recall how completely insane teenagers were when they still were figuring all of this out, "Do _you_ like Adore?"

A pause, and the look on Manila's face changed from agonized to confused and defensive, "No. I mean yeah, of course I do! She's my friend, but she- I don't know."

Raja just passively folded a shirt, waiting for Manila to continue.

"She's like that with everyone-" said Manila, throwing herself onto the recliner with utmost drama and covering her face with her hands. Again Raja had to resist laughing. 

"Okay, sure."

"She said she and Aja made out once… "

"Who is that again?"

"The drummer in our band!"

"Right. Well, if she's comfortable expressing that kind of thing around you, she must trust you," said Raja gently, hoping Manila could come to this conclusion on her own. Questioning and coming out situations could be delicate, and the timing wasn't ideal. "Maybe she's trying to tell you something… "

"Like what?"

"That she… you know," Raja shrugged. What was happening was very obvious, at least to her. But maybe Manila just needed somebody else to acknowledge it. "That she likes you."

A pause from Manila, who stared at her wide-eyed in shock. Perhaps Raja had said too much.

"But she- she, I'm not… like that," Manila struggled, and then gestured at Raja. The implication was obvious. 

"Well," replied Raja dryly, highly amused and not insulted in the least, "If Adore doing something as simple as holding your hand is making you feel like this, you might need to reevaluate."

Manila looked very confused again, as though the possibility had never occurred to her, even though Raja was certain it had. Raja recalled standing outside Manila's hotel room in Berlin, overhearing her and Shangela giggle and talk, back when Raja had merely been assigned to protect her. It felt like years ago, but it hadn't actually been that long. Barely six months. Manila opened and closed her mouth a few times, and then her intense expression reappeared, and she looked to be deep in thought.

There was no dignity in being around teenagers, considered Raja, for anyone involved. She finished folding the laundry in silence while Manila stared at the wall, and then took out her phone and typed something. Raja stood up.

"Anyway, don't overthink it," said Raja in a way that she hoped would be helpful, "Now come help me with dinner, you still need to learn how to cook."

Manila groaned a complaint, and then got up and followed Raja into the kitchen.

-

It was the morning of their first day in court.

"I think I gained weight since I last wore this," grumbled Raven, attempting to do up the zipper on the back of her skirt. Raja moved over to help Raven into the navy blue ensemble, a skirt and jacket with white blouse underneath. Raven hadn't worn it since her brother's messy divorce, three years ago. Raja herself was wearing one of her black work suits and Manila was in her room getting ready. Raja had awoken earlier in the night, stiff with anxiety, feeling the intense compulsion to check all the doors and windows. But instead she'd sat on the bedroom floor and meditated until she lulled herself into a doze. And then the alarm had gone off. After showering she'd stared at herself in the mirror, taking in the lines under her eyes, her skin a shade paler than usual.

If things went their way Manila would stay here and she'd be safe and Raja would work again and life would continue. And if they didn't, well, Raja was prepared to do what was necessary to look out for Manila, even if from a distance.

Raja zipped up Raven's skirt and stepped back. Raven turned to her, asking, "How do I look?"

Raja cocked her head to the side. Raven had indeed gained some weight since she'd last worn the outfit, which in Raja's opinion just made her even more attractive. But the skirt was very tight around her hips and a lot shorter than Raja remembered. The jacket was mostly okay, but the shirt was stretched very tight over her chest and a button had come undone, leaving Raven's significant cleavage on full display. All of that combined with her loose blonde hair… 

"You look like you're about to star in a _Law & Order_ porn parody, babe."

Raven burst into laughter, and attempted to do the button back up, but it wouldn't stay shut. 

"I hate looking formal," she complained. 

Raja opened their closet, and flipped through the clothes on the hangers, "There has to be something court-appropriate in here that actually fits you, right?"

"It's not my fault I'm too sexy for this particular shirt."

"Do you even own any shirts that aren't low-cut?"

"My tits need to breathe. You've never complained about that before." 

"I certainly won't, but the judge might," teased Raja, feeling a sudden spike of appreciation for Raven, who managed to make any situation easier to tolerate by simply being herself. It helped Raja feel more ready for what was likely going to be a stressful, exhausting day.

"You're the worst," whined Raven, but she couldn't cover her laughter.

-

Manila was wearing a professional, court-appropriate outfit that consisted of black pants and a blazer from the mall, and was sitting in the back of the car. Raven had helped her tame her curly hair into a neat braid, although the sloppy blonde streak that she and Adore had bleached into it was impossible to hide. Raja was driving and Raven was in the passenger seat, grumbling about the traffic. Prince was playing on the radio, which Raja now mostly kept tuned to the classic rock station so that Manila could avoid hearing her own pop hits. Manila looked out the window, her phone clutched in her hand. Today was the day.

Manila really, really hoped that they'd win and she'd get to stay. Life with Raja was just so much better, so much calmer and easier to tolerate than life had been with her mom. Manila actually had friends now, and she never realized how great that would be. The idea of leaving school, of leaving Adore and going back to her mother and her music career was horribly painful. The day was overcast, it looked like it might rain.

All too soon they arrived, and Raja carefully parked in the lot at the courthouse. They got out of the car and headed into the building, which was a surprisingly small, older brick building with a limp American flag out front. Manila wasn't sure what she'd been expecting. Maybe pillars? Bars on the windows? They went in through the glass double doors.

"Good morning," greeted Bianca, a briefcase in one hand. Bianca had three cups of coffee in a cardboard tray in the other.

Raja and Raven returned the greeting, and gratefully accepted the coffee. Manila watched and fidgeted, while they waited in the hallway. Raja's hand was shaking just a little as she held the cup, and she'd kept her mirrored sunglasses on, her expression blank. It reminded Manila of Raja's time as her bodyguard, which was a very different version of her than what Manila had come to know at Raja's home.

Manila sighed. Other people were walking through the hallway now. Manila recognized Alex, from a distance. She sidled a little closer to Raja. She wasn't hiding, exactly-

"How are you doing honey, you alright?" asked Raven, inclining her head at Manila. 

"I'm okay," replied Manila quietly. 

"Nervous?"

"Yeah." Manila heard a noise and looked over. Raja's index finger was tapping aggressively against her coffee cup, and she was frowning.

"Well, I'm not gonna tell you not to be nervous, it's a reasonable reaction given the circumstances," said Bianca, with a quick smile, "But we've been over everything, we're as ready as it's possible to be. I'm going to make sure you get what you want."

Manila nodded, taking a deep breath. She knew her mother was around here somewhere, and that seeing Julia again was going to be… intense. But as Bianca had described, Julia would be on the other side of the room the entire time, and they wouldn't have to speak to one another alone.

"Can I use the bathroom?" asked Manila, suddenly feeling the need. 

"Yeah, there's one just around the corner, to the left," replied Bianca, pointing down the hallway, "You have time before we start."

With that Manila left the three adults, and she could feel Raja watching her down the hallway. Manila found the door and entered the room. It was typical, three stalls and three sinks. She went into a stall and used the toilet, staring at the PSA pasted on the back of the door, something about parking tickets. Things would turn out okay, they had to. Manila just wanted it all to begin so it could all be over. She exited the stall and went to the sink, washing her hands in the warm water. 

The door swung open and Manila glanced up, her heart immediately going into her throat. It was her mother, Julia, looking sharp in a tan pantsuit, her dyed-red hair in perfect waves. 

"Hello darling," began Julia, sounding almost nervous. Manila turned the tap off and stepped back, going for the paper towel dispenser on the wall. 

"Hi, Mom," replied Manila quietly, drying her hands. The tension between them could have been cut with a knife.

"What happened to your hair?" asked Julia, a frown appearing on her face.

"Uh, my friend helped me bleach it…"

There was silence between them for a moment. 

"Manila," said her mom slowly, disappointment heavy in her voice, "I'm so sorry that all this nonsense is happening. But I don't understand why you've abandoned me like this."

"I didn't abandon you-" began Manila, unsure.

"You ran away from me, you just _left._ Do you have any idea how afraid I was?" continued Julia, taking a step towards Manila under the fluorescent light of the bathroom, "How can you abandon your career, your success, everything we've worked for?"

A horrible feeling was rising in Manila's chest. She felt like she couldn't speak, and that old urge to just _obey,_ to just do what her mother said was returning.

"I, I didn't want to do it anymore," managed Manila, "Mom, it was really hurting me-"

"Was it?" Julia's expression was sympathetic, "But darling, how was I supposed to know? You never said anything, why didn't you trust me?"

"I tried to tell you-"

"You didn't communicate properly," interrupted Julia, "This could have all been resolved if you'd just given me a chance."

Manila swallowed, her throat dry and looked down. Maybe she hadn't done it properly, maybe she should have said something differently and her situation would have improved. Manila tried to recall their conversations, when she was jet lagged and exhausted, and when she'd told Julia about the assault… but she hadn't listened.

"And now we're going to court, really?" said Julia, and she gestured vaguely, an incredulous laugh leaving her mouth, "How is this worth it? I know you'll come back to me eventually, you're my only daughter. We're blood. Just tell your lawyer you're dropping the case, it'll be easy, it'll save us both so much time and money…"

"But it's my money that it's costing you, isn't it?" spat Manila, her doubt bursting into anger, "I never even got paid! I should have been getting royalties, I should have been making _something_ for my work, but you couldn't even give me that, could you?"

Anger simmered in Manila's chest. Everything she'd done, the years of exhaustion and stress and obedience were catching up again. The pageants, the endless dance and voice lessons, the performing, the touring, the horrible shoes that made her feet bleed, the kidnapping attempt, the recording sessions, the endless manipulation-

"You're a child, you don't how to handle finances-" dismissed Julia.

"But you never bothered explaining it to me," said Manila, "You could have, have taught me how or something-" She cut herself off, breath shallow. Julia had never done anything to help Manila help herself. Everything she'd been taught had been to push her in the direction Julia wanted her to go, to develop habits and ways of thinking and working that kept her isolated and under control, prancing around like a perfect little show pony, attaining fame and wealth at any cost-

"I want my life to be different," continued Manila, hoping she could get through to Julia, hoping her mother would understand that she just wanted to be happy, "And I love you, Mom, I really do. But I finally feel like I can just _be a person,_ without performing all the time and it feels so much better-"

But Julia's expression was angry as she took another step towards Manila. Manila took a step back, nearing the far wall, falling into silence. The air between them was electric.

"Oh, and _they_ make you _feel better,_ do they?" snarled Julia, her tone cruel and mocking, "That dyke bodyguard and her white trash girlfriend? You're so naive, they're clearly influencing you negatively, why would you ever want to be like that?"

"I'm- they're not-" attempted Manila, her back hitting the wall as she took another retreating step. It was time to get out of the bathroom, this conversation had to end, she needed to leave-

"How can you possibly do this to me?"

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Mom-"

"But you are! All you _ever do_ is hurt me, you hurt everyone around you! You've caused me endless problems," barked Julia, and the all too familiar guilt crashed over Manila, "You can never just do as you're told, can you? You're so entitled. I've given you nothing but love, nothing but support, but no, it's always something-"

No. Manila couldn't take it anymore and she made for the door, pushing past Julia, but Julia grabbed her arm. 

"You can make all of this go away if you just call it off and come _home_ with me," hissed Julia, holding eye contact with Manila, who's panic and repulsion was rising. "As soon as those two idiots out there realize what you're _really like_ they'll kick you out and you'll come crawling back to me anyway-"

But Manila's anger rose higher over her panic and she knew that this was it. This was going to end, now. She pulled herself out of Julia's grip.

"That's not true!" shouted Manila, "All you ever do is make me feel horrible, and _I know that you're lying!"_

With that she marched to the door, shoved it open and walked as fast she could around the corner and back down the hall. Manila glanced over shoulder but Julia didn't seem to have followed her. Her heart was pounding and her breath was shallow, she could feel tears pricking in her eyes. Raja, Raven and Bianca were down at the end of the hall, and there were other people milling around. Raja looked up, her eyebrows coming together as she saw Manila approaching. 

"Hey-"

Manila threw herself at Raja, hugging her tight around the waist, pressing her face into her chest. 

Raja quickly handed her coffee to Raven and touched Manila's back, asking, "Are you alright?"

Manila was quiet for a moment before responding, her heart beat slowing as she came down from the intense confrontation. Raja was as always a solid presence, calming and protective and _there._ Never pushing her away, never trying to manipulate her. 

"Yeah," said Manila, stepping back and wiping at her eyes with her sleeve, "I ran into my mom in the bathroom."

Instant change in the body language of the three adults around her. 

"What the fuck-" began Raven.

"She's not supposed to speak to you-" started Bianca.

"What did she say?" interrupted Raja, taking Manila's shoulder and looking at her intensely.

"Just," Manila shrugged, her hands shaking slightly as the emotion drained out of her, "The same thing. The same things as always. But I know I don't need to listen to her anymore."

Raja nodded, her serious expression relaxing slightly. But she didn't let go of Manila's shoulder, and she looked up and down the hall, her eyes narrowing. Manila didn't follow her gaze, there was no need. She knew who Raja was looking at.

"I'm ready now," said Manila, taking a deep breath, and looking to Bianca, "Is it time yet?"

Bianca looked down the hallway, and Manila followed her gaze this time, seeing someone in black robe who was probably the judge. A set of wooden doors was being opened, and people were filing in.

"Yes, it's time."

Bianca led them into the court room, and Raja dropped her hand from Manila's shoulder. Manila stayed next to her, sticking to Raja's side as they walked to the front of the room and sat down in the chairs at the tables provided. Bianca opened her briefcase and shuffled her documents as everyone else came in, sat down and prepared. Manila took a deep breath and and let it out, smoothing down her jacket and shirt, and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

It was time to face everything. She finally knew what she wanted her life to be, and she was ready to fight for it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is somehow, miraculously, well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big big big huge thanks to the folks who've followed this story from the beginning and anyone else who's read it all the way through. i have a lot of feels about this universe and i hope y'all enjoyed coming on this ride with me :)  
> big love  
> -dartmouth420

Manila sighed, and pushed the glass door open on her way out of the courthouse. It was over.

_And she'd won._

Manila blinked in the bright sunlight, and next to her Raja took her sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on. Bianca's arguments had held, and the judge had delivered her decision today, and they'd just finished signing all the documents. The split with the record company was official. Manila was no longer obligated to complete the recording contract, and she'd be getting back-payments for a percentage of the profits earned on the tour, as well as a small percentage of the royalties from any ongoing use of her songs. But the most exciting part was signing the papers that finally got her out from under Julia's thumb for good. They no longer had any legal affiliation. Manila was emancipated, literally. She was free. 

It had taken a while. Three full weeks of journeys back and forth to the courthouse. A lot of takeout. The lines under Raja's eyes becoming deeper and the set of Raven's jaw becoming tighter throughout it, especially when the defence was arguing. Extra meetings with Bianca, as she explained to Manila what was transpiring, and how to answer the questions from the judge and the defence. And lots of sitting in the courtroom, bored, as Bianca argued the finer legal points of the situation. Manila had avoided eye contact with Julia across the room, and occasionally answered questions when asked of her.

After Julia had signed the documents, she'd stormed out, angry, shouting at anyone in her path. Manila's relief was mingled with hurt. She'd like to go have a relationship with her mother again someday, but right now it didn't seem possible.

But it was all over, for real, and the sun was high and glorious. In the hallway Manila was practically faint with relief, and Raja and Raven shook hands with Bianca, promising eternal thanks and mentioning something about eventual repayment. Bianca had merely responded with a wink and said that she was the best in the business for a reason. 

Bianca sat down with Manila and explained to her in detail exactly how what had been ruled in the court would translate into her daily life. Manila would continue to live with Raja and Raven, despite the fact that Raja hadn't become her legal guardian as Manila had expected. And when she was ready, she had a trickle of income and could strike out on her own. For that Manila was grateful. The lack of money had been a barrier to any independence when she lived with her mother, and a major point of contention during the legal battle. 

Manila walked close to Raja, across the parking lot. Raja seemed quite stiff. When they got to the car Manila opened the back door and sat down, tossing her water bottle and her phone onto the seat next to her. Raven got in on the passenger's side, and Raja sat down in the drivers seat and was oddly still for a moment.

Raja let out a long sigh and put her face in her hands, and then bent forward until her forehead was resting against the steering wheel.

"Babe," murmured Raven, placing her hand on Raja's arm, "It's okay, it's all over. She's not going anywhere."

"I know," replied Raja, her voice muffled.

Raven glanced over her shoulder and shot Manila a small smile, which she cautiously returned.

There were a few moments of silence, during which Manila watched Raja's back rise and fall as she dragged in deep, relieved breaths.

"I'll drive," suggested Raven, nudging Raja, "Come on, get up."

Raja lifted her head and sighed. Manila watched Raja's reflection the rearview mirror as she tilted her head back and blinked hard. Then she opened the door, and got out of the car, and the adults traded places. But when Raja went to open the passengers side door she hesitated, and then moved over, opening the back door. Manila quickly moved her phone and her water bottle out of the way, and Raja sat down next to her. 

"You alright?" asked Raja.

Manila nodded. The emotion of the day was catching up to her, and she was exhausted.

"Great. Let's go home."

As Raven started the car and rolled out of the parking on to the street, Manila shuffled over and leaned against Raja, resting her head on her shoulder. Raja put her arm around her and they drove home without speaking, listening to the radio play. 

-

"Oh my god, you're back!" shrieked Adore, and leapt at Manila, who caught her tight in a hug and squealed and laughed as they spun around. They were in front of the school, on Manila's first day back. Adore's hair was Manila's face and it smelled amazing and everything was glorious and perfect and nobody was threatening to take it away.

Manila let go of Adore, stepped back and grinned.

"Are we gonna have band practice today?"

"Sure, I'll text Aja," replied Adore, "So it's all done, you're staying?"

"Yeah!" said Manila, unable to keep the smile from her face.

Adore laughed and did some kind of victory dance. Manila watched her and Raja's words from before the trial echoed in her head, _you might need to reevaluate._ Anxiety momentarily rose in Manila, but then she relaxed. It wasn't like there was a deadline, she was under no pressure to figure this out, or to make some kind of move. She could just enjoy her friend's company. None of this was going anywhere.

"Well, we have math first period, so-"

"Ugh…" complained Manila. Well, life was never going to _perfect,_ was it?

"By the way," said Adore, as she pushed the door open and they went inside the school, "I'm having a party this weekend!"

-

"Do you think I should retire?" asked Raja. Raven looked up from where she was sitting next to her in a plastic chair on the back patio, scrolling through her phone. They were passing a joint back and forth. Manila was at Adore's house after school and Raja and Raven were both home early, sitting in the afternoon sun. It had taken Raja a few days to recover from the stress of the trial, and the visceral _relief_ that it was over, that Manila was going to stay with her. Raven had gone right back to work, but Raja had spent her time going to gym, getting their house back in order and just being around in case Manila needed anything.

"You're a few years past Freedom Thirty-Five, babe," teased Raven, shifting in her seat, "You know we can't do this on one salary."

"I mean retire from the personal security thing," specified Raja, with a laugh, "And start a new career or something."

"Oh, yeah," said Raven, taking another drag on the joint and passing it back to Raja, considering, "You have other skills, or you could learn some new ones. It's not a bad idea, especially if nothing viable is coming up."

"Mmm," agreed Raja, imagining the possibilities. Being a bodyguard was something she was very good at, but it was demanding job. There was almost always travel involved, the hours could be gruelling and while it kept her in great physical condition it was hard on her body. It wasn't something she could do for more than five to six more years anyway. Perhaps she could become a security consultant, or train others. _Raja Gemini's Lesbian Bodyguard and Kung Fu Academy…_ the name flashed in neon before her eyes and Raja chuckled to herself.

Mostly, Raja just wanted to be around for Manila now that the teenager lived with them and was her responsibility. Manila still had a lot to recover from, and to learn. Raja didn't want to go back to work and be away for extended periods of time, now that things were finally settled. But the future was looking bright nonetheless.

"What do you want to do?" asked Raven. 

"I don't know yet," replied Raja, bringing the joint to her lips, inhaling and then blowing smoke, "I'll have to think about it. But I'd like to be around for Manila, and you too, you know what I mean?"

Raven gave her a smile, "You really love that kid, huh?"

"Well, I-" sputtered Raja, caught off guard. She did love Manila, she supposed. It was complicated, but… well, maybe it wasn't. 

"Don't stress about it," said Raven, reaching over to pat Raja's knee, "In the meantime keep looking for work, I'm sure something will come up."

"Let's hope… what are we having for dinner, by the way?"

"I don't know," shrugged Raven, leaning back, shutting her eyes and turning her face to the sun, "It's your turn to cook."

Raja groaned and elbowed Raven, who cracked an eyelid and nudged her back.

-

The party was at Adore's house, apparently. Raja had insisted on driving even though Adore didn't live that far away from them, and Manila was next to her in the car. Raja just wanted to make sure she knew where the place was and how to get there, in case she had to pick Manila up later, or if anything happened. Manila was nodding along to the radio.

"So, are you excited?" asked Raja, feeling a little bit awkward. It was just a party, after all.

"Kind of," replied Manila, turning to her, and Raja glanced quickly from the road to her face and back again. Earlier, Manila had shyly asked Raven if she could help her with her makeup for the party. Raven had responded with enthusiasm and immediately took advantage of her captive audience, regaling Manila with stories about her own adolescent partying days in Nowheresville, USA. The end result was that Manila had perfect, if a tad dramatic, makeup and was perhaps a bit more nervous than she needed to be.

"Raven was telling me about the parties she used to go to," said Manila, sounding worried, "But I don't think this party is going to be like _that,_ is it?"

"I highly doubt it," laughed Raja, "And it's just your friends tonight, right? You already know what they're like."

"Yeah. I was thinking about what you said," continued Manila, "About Adore. Like before we went to court and everything."

"Yeah?" Raja made a left turn, eyes carefully on the road. 

"I don't know," continued Manila, her voice purposefully casual, "I like her, I think."

"Well, that's good," replied Raja, deciding not to ask any questions. Manila could elaborate further if she wanted to.

They continued on in silence but for the radio. And then Manila pointed out the house and Raja pulled up and peered out the windshield with suspicion. It was a house of a similar size to her own, but there was kind of extension on the front, like a big porch and there were lights on and noise and a few teenagers visible out front. Nothing unprecedented. Manila looked like she was working her courage.

"Do you have your phone?" asked Raja.

"Uh, of course?"

"Call me if you need me, I'll leave my phone on," continued Raja, peering around Manila to eye the people in front of the house. "Hmm, I don't recognize any of those kids-"

"Yeah, okay," replied Manila, unbuckling her seatbelt.

"I'll wait up until you get home."

"Okay-"

"Seriously, call me if anything-"

"Stop!" exclaimed Manila, half-laughing, "You're making me nervous."

"Oh, sorry," replied Raja, recognizing her own worry with a quick shake of her head. "It'll be fine. Say hi to Adore from me."

Manila nodded, and took a deep breath, "Okay, I'm going now. Bye!"

With that she was out of the car, shutting the door and waving, and she walked up to the house. Raja watched until Manila vanished inside and then she sighed, put the car in gear and pulled away. Manila had faced situations far more difficult and traumatic than a high school party. Despite her worry, Raja had to trust that if Manila needed help, she'd call.

Raja arrived home, shut the door and kicked off her shoes. There was a single lamp bathing the plant-filled living room in a lovely orange glow. Raven was sitting on the couch, in the same red dress she'd been wearing all day, and looked up from the magazine she was reading. Raja sat down next to her and leaned back, staring at the ceiling.

"Babe," said Raven, amused, putting her magazine aside and placing her hand on Raja's thigh, "You don't need to be so worried."

"I know," replied Raja, sighing, "But she's my responsibility now, what if she gets hurt again or something-"

"Well, being out in the world hurts," stated Raven, blunt, "You're just going to have to get used to that, and trust her to make smart decisions. And even if she does get hurt, you've made sure she has a safe place to come back to."

"I hate it when you're right," murmured Raja, leaning in to Raven. Caring for someone young and fragile who was navigating the murky waters of adolescence was rough. It made Raja feel vulnerable in a way she'd never anticipated.

"Relax," continued Raven, straightening up, stroking Raja's shoulder, "It's literally just a high school party. When I was out partying back in the day, nobody had a cell phone. I ended up plastered off my ass in random back fields half the time, I even fell in the creek in February once-"

"You're not helping!"

"There aren't any creeks for her to fall into around here," laughed Raven, "She'll be fine. I have an idea to take your mind off of it…"

"Oh, do you?"

"Yes," purred Raven, leaning in to whisper in Raja's ear, "This is the first night that she's been out since she arrived, and I want to fuck you on every available surface. _Loudly._ "

Raja blinked in surprise and then chuckled, taking Raven's waist and encouraging her over so that she was straddling her lap, her red dress riding up her thighs. 

"You're wearing that good fuck-me dress," murmured Raja, running her finger along the hem, "I was wondering what you were thinking today, you usually save this for date night..."

"I thought you hadn't noticed," replied Raven, kissing Raja's neck, her loose blonde hair tickling the edge of Raja's face. Raja inhaled sharply as Raven sucked on a particularly sensitive spot, and ran her hands down Raven's hips to grip her ass. It had been a while since they'd done this, with the stress and uncertainty of the court appearances, and Raja realized as warmth started to grow between her legs that she _really_ wanted it. 

"Babe," whispered Raja into Raven's ear, pulling her closer, "I always notice you."

"Aw, that's sweet," replied Raven, and she laughed softly, then grasped Raja's wrists and pinned them to the wall above her head, kissing her aggressively. Raja returned the kiss with enthusiasm, her head resting on the back of the couch, slowly beginning to roll her hips against Raven's. This was, in fact, just what she wanted. Raven broke the kiss to breathe and Raja broke out of her grip and eased the straps of her dress off her shoulders, pulling it down to her waist, so that Raven's perfect tits were revealed in all their glory, contained in a red lace bra. 

"The matching underwear and everything?" said Raja, impressed.

"Mm-hmm, I missed you," replied Raven, as Raja reached behind her to unhook her bra, and then said, "Wait, let's go to the bedroom."

"I thought you wanted it on every available surface?" teased Raja, and they unceremoniously got up off the couch.

"Your strap-on is in the bedroom, so..."

That sent a jolt of arousal right down Raja's spine and she took Raven's hand and practically dragged her into their bedroom. Raja pushed Raven down onto the bed and climbed on top of her, kissing her neck, _finally_ unhooking her bra and kissing her chest, palming and sucking at her nipples until Raven bit back a moan. Raven tugged at the bottom of Raja's shirt and Raja quickly sat back and stripped it over her head, throwing it to the floor and making quick work of her jeans. She took her phone out of her pocket and turned the volume up, then put it on the bedside table so that she'd be able to answer if Manila called. 

As Raven peeled off her dress she said, "You know, if this is what being a parent is like? I could get used to it… "

Raja released an evil laugh, and said, "Ready to get fucked, Mommy?"

If Raja could have had the shocked, disgusted look on Raven's face engraved in bronze, she would have.

"Do not call me that-!"

"I love you..."

"I love you too, much to my own regret," said Raven with mock resentment, pushing Raja down and climbing on top of her. "And you're gonna call me _Daddy,_ thank you very much."

Raja's delighted laughter was very soon muffled.

-

The party was _so fun._

Manila was nervous, of course, because she'd never been to a party that wasn't either a public appearance or something organized on her behalf where she had to be perfect and charming, as per her mother's expectations. Socializing like a normal person was still new. But as soon as she found Adore everything was good. Adore was loud and energetic enough that Manila could sort of just hang out in her shadow until she started feeling comfortable enough to talk to other people. Which was happening more quickly than she'd expected. 

Manila took another sip of the mysterious drink Adore had made for her. Nothing that crazy was happening (there hadn't been any fights nor had anything been lit on fire, events that featured heavily in Raven's tales) but it was still great to be here. There were people from school and a bunch of Adore's childhood friends from the neighbourhood, who Manila hadn't met before. People drank alcohol and soda, and snacked on chips and gummy bears. Someone had set up beer pong on the kitchen table, and people were talking and taking pictures and videos and dancing a bit to the music.

The house was getting hot, and a group of girls trooped out into the back yard where it was cooler and Adore brought her portable speaker. Adore looked beautiful, she was wearing her typical outfit, tight black shorts over fishnet tights and a loose T-shirt. Her hair moved a little in the breeze as she took a sip from her cup and gestured, mid-way through telling another friend about something that had happened at McDonald's the other week. 

Soon enough the other girls went back inside, but Adore stayed outside in the yard with Manila. The music played in the background.

"Oh my god, I love this song!" exclaimed Adore, and she leapt up, grooving to the upbeat tune. Manila joined her. Dancing was something she was so used to doing with precision, having to follow steps and choreography, and to ensure she her body looked a certain way… she hadn't quite figured out how to move organically to music, like Adore did. But she was learning to let go. The warm, slightly off-balance feeling in her body was helping.

"I like, really like you," said Manila. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the party, or the sense of freedom now that everything was finally over…

"I like you too!" replied Adore, flashing a smile and biting her lip, dancing in close to Manila. It was like everything else in the world vanished, as they somewhat awkwardly matched one another's movements, until they touched, affectionate. Adore flicked her hair out of her face, and Manila moved in closer until they were holding one another and swaying. Manila felt warm where their bodies made contact, it was almost electric, unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

She glanced around, suddenly nervous. Other kids were visible through the back windows of Adore's house, but they weren't looking out at them. 

Adore had an odd kind of half-smile on her face. Manila took a breath.

She leaned in and kissed Adore. Manila didn't really know _how,_ but Adore seemed to, and her lips were soft and it was surprisingly nice, and Adore shifted, brushing her hands up Manila's back and pulling her in closer. Electricity was coursing through Manila's veins. 

Suddenly, horribly, she flashed back to the recording studio, and Jason, and that horrible feeling of being _trapped-_ she froze. 

Adore pulled back and giggled and said, "Woah, that was… uh, are you okay?"

"Um, yeah," said Manila, realizing that she was gripping Adore's arm rather hard. Her head was spinning, the happy high from the kiss mingled with all-too-familiar dread and shame-

But what was it that Raja always told her? Breathe. Count to ten and take some deep breaths.

So Manila did, and Adore didn't move away, she just waited.

Manila had been recently contacted by a journalist. The journalist was compiling evidence for an exposé against Manila's former producer, Jason. His predatory behaviour had been an open secret for a long time, and the journalist was beginning by interviewing all the musicians who'd worked with him including, briefly, Manila. During her time in court Manila hadn't pursued any charges against him, she was focused on getting away from her mother. Manila had been talking with Raja about it, trying to decide if she wanted to talk to the journalist at all, but Manila thought it could be a good idea as long as she kept her name out of the press. Her working relationship with Jason had been thankfully brief, but who knew exactly what had happened with the others before her. Maybe her contribution would be a small step towards justice. 

When Manila felt calm and back in the present, she cleared her throat and stepped back, finally breaking contact with Adore, "Uh, sorry about that, I just…"

"Are you… like mad?" asked Adore, looking momentarily worried.

"No!" said Manila, tucking her hair behind her ears, and trying to articulate how she felt without being _so awkward,_ "That was nice, I really like you but I need to, uh, take things slow?"

"Yeah, it's cool," said Adore, shrugging and offering her a smile, "We're friends, right? I like you too. Doesn't need to be anything else yet."

At the word _yet_ Manila's heart swelled and she let out a laugh. Adore laughed too, and then motioned at the door, "You wanna go back inside?"

"Yeah," replied Manila, and then she moved back over to the Adore, who changed the subject and opened the back door, re-entering the crowded party. Manila didn't leave her side for the rest of the night, and Adore didn't seem to mind one bit. 

-

Raja peeked out of the curtains, checking the street. 

"Babe, seriously, she'll get home when she gets home," called Raven, who was back in their bedroom, getting ready to go to sleep. The sex had been vigorous and thorough and lovely, and they'd showered together afterwards, which had unexpectedly turned into more sex and now resulted in them both feeling very sleepy. It was around midnight. Raja was content, and much calmer than she'd been earlier, but as promised, she wanted to stay up and wait for Manila to get home. Her phone had remained quiet, so presumably Manila was having a good time. 

"I know," replied Raja, "But I told her I'd wait up, so I'm going to."

Raven made a noise of acknowledgement and Raja moved away from the curtains to the couch. She put on her glasses and took out her laptop, going to one of the job seeking websites and scrolling through what they had to offer. Maybe there was something… she paused, and read over the description again, then clicked on it. Raja nodded to herself, it seemed pretty good. Then she went about uploading her resume, and typed out a quick cover letter. Just as she pressed submit, the key turned in the lock and the door opened.

Manila stumbled in, giggling hysterically. 

"Hey," greeted Raja, already amused, shutting her laptop and rising from the couch.

"Hi!" said Manila, with a huge grin, sitting down on the ground to take her shoes off. It was obvious to Raja that she'd been drinking, and her hair had gone frizzy in the humidity.

"Adore walked me home," announced Manila, pulling one shoe off and then working on the other.

"Does she need a ride back?"

"No, she brought her skateboard."

"Okay," said Raja, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall as she watched Manila struggle with her left shoe, "So did you have fun?"

Manila's tipsy, enthused response was embarrassingly earnest, "I had _so much_ fun."

"Glad to hear it," replied Raja mildly as Manila stood back up, and said, "I think you need some water…"

"Oh, yeah, probably…"

Manila followed Raja into the kitchen, describing the party, and Raja listened, taking a glass down from the shelf and filling it, handing it to her. Manila took a huge gulp, and then another, and then she went on about the party even more. Raja listened and watched her. She was a bit messy and sweaty, but in this moment her body language was excited and comfortable, and was lacking that stressed, nervous tension that always seemed to occupy her during the time when they first had met. While it did occasionally return, that tension seemed less and less present these days. None of Manila's problems were going to magically vanish, but it was a positive change and it made something warm flicker in Raja's chest as the teenager kept talking.

When Manila had gone to bed, Raja turned out all the lights and crawled in beside Raven. 

"She sounded happy," murmured Raven, half-asleep. 

Raja put her arm around Raven, holding her close, "Yeah, I think she's getting there."

-

Mrs. Jinkx Monsoon was in her seventies, had violently dyed ginger hair, an easy laugh, and was not what Raja had expected when she received the call for a job interview, a few days later. Her online application had been well-received, apparently. And Jinkx did fit the profile Raven had described several weeks ago; she was elderly, wealthy, eccentric, and in need of a bodyguard. Jinkx had several long-haired Persian cats, one of which was eyeing Raja suspiciously from a cat tree the size of a person, next to the two fancy chintz chairs they were sitting in.

Jinkx made a show of reading over Raja's resume and then tossed the paper aside with a flourish.

"Darling, you seem like an utmost professional," began Jinkx, and Raja crossed one leg over the other, her black work suit remaining neat, "And I can use the Google, you know, I heard about that Bond-style stunt you pulled in Barcelona with the little singing sensation."

"Yes," said Raja, nodding, aiming for friendly and professional, "I was working under less-than-ideal conditions at the time, which was what necessitated such extreme action. Under normal circumstances I would deescalate a situation before I had to do anything like that."

"Mmm, and yet you did it anyway," said Jinkx, with a knowing smile, "That shows commitment, and that you can improvise, and I like that. It's better than some of these brainless walls of muscle I've been interviewing. You have a concealed-carry license, I take it?"

"Yes, of course."

"Mmm, I love a woman with a weapon," replied Jinkx, laughing to herself. Raja raised an eyebrow and decided not to comment. Being flirted with by an seventy-year-old presumably straight woman hadn't been in her plans today. Jinkx continued, "You know after my second husband died I started associating exclusively with homosexuals, and my quality of life has much improved-"

It turned out that majority of the interview was Jinkx talking about herself, and Raja didn't particularly mind, nodding along and occasionally nudging the conversation back to interview-relevant topics.

"-and my children are very successful," said Jinkx, sipping at a martini that had been brought to her on a tray by a young man wearing very tight shorts, "My son is a well-known director, and my daughter is one of the best plastic surgeons in Vegas. Any children yourself?"

"I have an adopted daughter," said Raja, because this was the simplest explanation to give to strangers given the complex nature, both emotional and legal, of her relationship with Manila. She was slowly getting comfortable with saying the d-word aloud. "She's sixteen."

"Ah, sixteen, that's a wonderful age," drawled Jinkx, nostalgic, "My heyday, as it were. Everyone wanted a piece of me back then let me tell you that much! Now, L.A. in the sixties wasn't like it is now-" continued Jinkx, leaning forward with an enigmatic smile that caused the lines around her eyes to wrinkle pleasantly. 

Raja listened politely, finding herself endeared to the eccentric woman. Perhaps this gig could work out.

When the interview was over, Jinkx waved her out and Raja was given a contract to look over from a man who it turned out was Mrs. Monsoon's much younger third husband. Who seemed very, very gay. Interesting. Well, that was none of Raja's business, she just had to show up and make sure Jinkx remained safe and secure when she went out in public, which was mainly during school hours with the exception of some evening galas. It was shaping up to be a pretty ideal job.

-

"Raven's out with her work friends tonight, are you ready to go for a drive?" said Raja, appearing at the end of the kitchen, keys in hand. Manila looked up from where she was finishing up with putting away the dishes. It had been about three months since the court had confirmed that Manila was free from her mother, and could go on living with Raja and Raven, and she'd never felt better in her life. Things were stable, she liked school as much as it was possible to like school, and she absolutely loved Adore. Manila was even slowly beginning to expand her friend group and make other connections. Their band was going to play a show soon, which was still exciting despite it just being in Adore's garage, very different from the huge stages Manila had performed on before all of this.

"Yeah, let's go," replied Manila, moving through the kitchen to put her shoes on at the door. Raja had been teaching her drive over the past few weeks, and it was going pretty well so far. They practiced in empty parking lots, and then on quiet residential streets. Manila wasn't fully confident yet, but she was trying her best. 

Tonight was going to be her first night going on the actual road, where there were other cars she could potentially crash into. Her nerves were high. Manila took a deep breath as she sat down in the drivers seat and adjusted everything. 

Raja was relaxed in the passenger's seat next to her, cracking a joke about something Mrs Monsoon had said to her the other day. Manila laughed in response and put the car in gear, carefully checking the rearview mirror before pulling out into the street. 

Manila appreciated these evenings hanging out with just Raja. When they weren't having driving lessons sometimes they ended up having serious conversations about Manila's past, while Manila processed what had happened. Other times they just did things together. Being around Raja elicited a kind of inexplicable comfort inside of Manila, which Manila appreciated in a way she couldn't explain.

Raja yawned as Manila drove down the street, and turned up the volume on the speaker where Manila's phone was plugged into the aux cord. _Hey, I'm Just Like You_ was playing.

They reached the lights at the end of the street and Manila pressed the brake, the car slowing to a stop. She nervously glanced back and forth, flicking the signal to turn right. The sun was setting, and it wasn't like Wednesdays were particularly busy, but still… 

"You'll be fine," said Raja, next to her, "You've got this, just keep your eyes ahead and pay attention to what's going on around you."

"Okay," replied Manila. And then she took a breath, saw a break in the traffic and turned out into the street.

Manila gripped the steering wheel perhaps a little more tightly than necessary as she rolled down the street at exactly the speed limit. Raja nodded, almost to herself, and said, half-joking, "Hey, you did it. Here we go."

When they stopped at the next light, Manila glanced over at Raja. Raja had rolled down the window, her elbow up, resting on the frame. Her face was in profile, looking ahead, and her long greying hair was pushed back. It was so odd to switch roles like this, for Manila to drive while Raja was the passenger. 

The realization came to Manila like a lightning strike. In this small way, Raja was trusting Manila with her own safety. Just as Manila had trusted her, a hundred times over.

And suddenly Manila realized that this was what family was supposed to be like. It was trust that made it, trust that went both ways. When the light turned green she continued down the street, focusing hard on the task before her, and she knew, deep in her chest, that everything would be okay.

-

A year and a half later, Raja _did not cry_ at Manila's high school graduation. She didn't. It was just that some dust must have been stirred up from all the other parents around her in the gymnasium, and that dust must have gone in her eye. And Raja was sure that Raven hadn't noticed, Raven was just putting her arm around her and kissing her cheek because she was proud of Manila as well. None of this had been in Raja's job description.

So it really wasn't that embarrassing that a tear or two leaked down Raja's face from under her sunglasses as she clapped and Manila walked across the stage with a genuine, confident smile, infinitely changed from the day they'd met.

_End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you <3

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) i absolutely love predictions, mad speculation, general fanfare and hot takes, hit me up in the comments <3


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